Takin' Back My Love
by HelloHooray
Summary: "I gave you your dreams...'cause you meant the world...so did I deserve to be left here hurt?" F/R multi-chapter. Title & Summary: Takin' Back My Love- Enrique Iglesias & Ciara  COMPLETE
1. My Immortal

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Hello everyone! Here I am with a new story because I'm on an ANGST kick! I'm sitting there today reading through some of these spoilers about Fuinn and people panicking and I'm just enraged! I dislike Fuinn SO MUCH. I would just hate for Finn to go down that road again...not saying it's legit but hypothetically speaking. Anyways in my anger, I created this story. I've been tossing the idea around in my head for a while and I just LOVE this song so I thought "ya know what...I'm posting it!" I'm just obsessed with angst right now. Rachel deserves a TON of justice. But I flip constantly. One night I'm FINCHEL FLUFF and the next I'm FINCHEL ANGST. It's an ongoing battle ;)

Anyways ENJOY this chapter and remember no matter what, Finchel's endgame...in my fics and on the show. Love to all!

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The second she sees them, paralyzing hurt eclipses her. She watches in utter shock as he gives her a smile before she leans up and kisses him. A sharp, hot slash of pain slices across her heart and a horrible gut-wrenching feeling rips a deep burn through her stomach when she sees him respond. Her throat tightens in a suffocating manner and her chest bubbles with millions of emotions, ready to tumble over the edge. She can practically feel her heart being torn from her chest and being crushed beyond repair in his careless hand. The feeling is frightening and foreign and she can't seem to fathom what's going on. It feels like she's dying.

Rachel Berry is snapping.

After two miserable, gruesome weeks of her peers teasing her even more merciless than normal and her love for the man she lived for being unrequited and ignored, she finds herself in the worst emotional shape of her life. Suffering from insomnia, stress, bad headaches and crippling heartbreak, she looks and feels awful. The whole world is against her. _He _doesn't love her anymore. _He_ stares at her with venom and hate. _He _is moving on and kissing Quinn Fabray, leaving her feeling horribly ill.

She knows she did wrong. She knows she messed up. But she's been trying so hard to make things right. Trying so hard to make sure he's happy. And yet she's still losing. _He_'s shutting her out. _He_'s hating her. After everything, he's forgetting about her.

She feels dizzy suddenly like she's going to pass out or throw up, her vision blurring with tears and things beginning to move in slow motion. He's _forgetting _her. Forgetting_ them_. Everything they had. All her love. He's throwing it away. All of it. Carelessly and easily, moving onto Queen Bee who hurt him worse than she did.

Why? What was wrong with her? Why did she have to be ugly and hated? Why wasn't she enough for him? Why couldn't he love and respect her as she did for him?

Clutching the fabric of her shirt over the gaping hole where her heart used to be, she claws desperately at it and fans herself, her breathing growing ragged and uneven, her vision blacking in some places and her stomach twisting violently with sobs and insatiable pain. Why does it hurt so much?

And that's when she realizes she's losing it. She's being eclipsed by a black hole of numbness and frost. And she can't fight it. She has no strength left. She's drowning in the darkness because she simply can't handle it all if_ he_'s not there supporting and cheering her on.

Then, as if karma wanted to take one more vicious abrupt strike at her already wounded soul, he looks up and meets her eye. She knows he sees it. He's seeing months worth of vulnerability and weakness that she had disguised so well. He's seeing the scars and bullet holes and her beaten up, bruised, broken soul that was punctured by every cruel thing that she had to go through. All by herself. Even when he was with her, she fought it all alone. He knows it. And she's letting him see it. Her guard is down and she feels painfully exposed, not being able to read his expression clearly through the blinding tears. It's scary but she can't make her feet move or her frail body straighten. The burning, raging fire that snarled and roared in her heart, acting as a motivation to win him back, had been extinguished and she was left lost.

Where was she to go from here?

She stares back at him for a long moment, soaking in his perfect face that she had believed was her haven. But it wasn't. _He _wasn't. She didn't _have _a haven.

Looking at him, she feels insignificant. Anonymous. Hated. And so alone.

Quinn takes his hand, barking a command and he obeys, tearing his eyes away from her. The deja vu is sickening. And then she's left in the middle of the buzzing hallway, positive that this is all she's ever been to him.

Unimportant.

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_"These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase..."_

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**AN#2: **ANGST! I'm sorry but I have an ILLNESS! haha Song credit was 'My Immortal' by Evanescence...awesome song.

Next Chapter: Conversation with a fellow heartbroken pal.

Anyways: read, review, alert, favourite...WHATEVER! THANKS FOR READING! Next Chapter will be up tonight!


	2. Corduroy

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Hey again! Hope you enjoyed the first chapter! Beware that double update nights will be rare...I just had time today. I think I'll be able to post tomorrow (HOORAY!) maybe even 2 chapters because I'm VERY excited about this story. Hope you are too :) Love to all...you guys are the BEST! ENJOY this chapter because I'm going to bed :)

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_"The waiting drove me mad... you're finally here and I'm a mess  
I take your entrance back... can't let you roam inside my head..."_

She sits on the edge of the stage, watching her legs dangle idly, taking a moment to forget the unforgiving world outside the doors. She stares out into the vast darkness of the empty auditorium and finds a sense of comfort in the tranquility, ignoring the raw, gaping hole in her chest, trying to find peace.

She managed to get through the day without breaking down in public which she took pride in. She didn't see _him_ or them again which was a huge relief. But she had still wandered the halls with gaping wounds, covered by a mask of indifference. She's weak but she can't show the whole school. They'd eat her alive.

Sighing as she clicks her heels together, she thinks. She thinks about _him _and how he could get back together with Quinn. She thinks about how fate was out to get her. But ultimately, she still hopes he's happy.

The door opens and her head shoots up to see the light from the hallway leak into the auditorium as a shadow looms forward, their posture slumped and footfalls heavy. There's a loud, sullen huff as someone stomps in, the door slamming shut behind them. Running a hand through his hair, Sam emerges looking defeated and frustrated as he strides closer. He notices her a second later and jumps in surprise before recognizing who it is. "Oh, hey Rachel" he greets on his exhale. "Didn't see you there. Sorry if I disturbed you."

"No I was just sitting here" she assures in a weak murmur. He nods softly and jumps up onto the stage, his expression weary. "Are you okay?"

"Not really" he replies with a hollow, sad laugh as he settles beside her. "Feeling terrible."

"I'm sorry" she says gently. "If it helps, I can relate."

He grimaces in understanding, looking unsure of what to say. She feels oddly connected to him, bonding over grief. They were both heartbroken. Their exes started to date each other. They both felt lost and abandoned. And suddenly she wasn't alone anymore. She was lonely but not alone. That would have to do.

"How are you holding up?" he asks in genuine concern. "I know it's been a rough few weeks..."

"Not so great" she answers with a shaky chuckle. "I feel sick...all the time. There's no better way to describe it."

"I know exactly what you mean" he says and she knows he does. He shakes his head and stares off distantly. "I feel so...crappy. Like, why wasn't I good enough? What else could I possibly have given her? I was committed and devoted and I loved her with everything I had. I worked hard to be what she wanted. I let her be in control. And she just...threw it all away. Without a second thought. And she didn't care that I was going to be hurt. All she cares about is herself. What does Finn have that I don't? I was good to her!" His voice raises and she can see the authentic pain etched across his face. "I gave her everything! Why? Why wasn't I enough for her?"

He lets the question hang and she finds her eyes welling up because he really does know exactly what she's going through.

She shrugs sadly. "Because life is unfair" she says because it's _so_ true. "And life is unforgiving and people have one agenda...their own. And people like us, who give everything to someone else, get the shaft. As much as I'd like to say something more positive, I can't. It's the truth. It's them...all of them. You did nothing wrong. The world is cruel. And fate's a bitch. Believe me, I know." She stays silent for a moment, biting her lip in attempt to smooth her hoarse voice. "Things will look up for you, Sam. I know it. You're too good of a guy to have it different."

He smiles then, a soft beam. "You really think so?"

"It may not seem like it now but I'm sure of it."

"Thanks" he whispers. "That's really nice of you. Things will get better for you, too, Rachel."

"I don't think so" she says quietly.

"It will" he insists. "You just have to have faith."

She laughs bitterly. "As nice as that it, it isn't so" she says emotionally. "The world is just against me."

He frowns, putting an arm around her shoulder. "Finn's being stupid" he murmurs soothingly. "You're too good for him, Rachel."

"You're too good for Quinn" she says honestly.

They sit like that for a moment, leaning on each other and trying to assure the other that everything's okay. Even though it's not.

"Why does this have to suck so much?" he inquires in a broken whisper.

"Because life is unfair."

He nods sadly. "You know what the worst part was?" he asks, hurt layering his voice. "It hurts that she didn't even wait to break up with me first."

She freezes in shock. "What?"

"They kissed or whatever they did before she broke up with me" he reiterates coldly. "They did it on purpose. They betrayed me. Finn went after her before..."

And then Sam's words are a distant, background buzz. She processes and thinks and tries to convince herself that it wasn't so. But then she gets it and the sickening twist in her stomach is the worst one yet.

He cheated. He betrayed Sam.

And before she knows it, she's storming out of the auditorium with a bewildered Sam in tow, feeling seething, unadulterated rage pumping thickly through her veins. She feels like walking acid.

This is not happening.

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_"I'm already cut up and half dead...  
I'll end up alone like I began..."_

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**AN#2: **Ooooooh! INTENSE! I know Finn seem douche-y but I LOVE the idea of Finn making it up to Rachel. It's my ADDICTION. Cause he did WRONG! haha btw song credit was Corduroy by Pearl Jam...incredibly amazing song.

Next Chapter: Maybe a deja vu type confrontation! muahaha

THANKS FOR READING AND PLEASE REVIEW! LOVE TO ALL!


	3. Truth

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**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Hiya everyone! Thanks for all the reviews and alerts! LOVE the support! Here's another chapter and beware it's VERY angst-y. I'm sorry but it's my addiction and it'll be epic for the future. As I said before: Finchel is endgame. Both in my fics and on the show. I'm not sureif I'll be able to update again tomorrow but I'll REALLY try to :)

Anyways ENJOY this chapter!

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_"And I just can't look its killing me_

_And taking control..."_

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"Rachel...where are you going? Did I say something wrong?"

She continues to stride angrily ahead of a perplexed Sam who follows, the searing fury that snarls in her chest causing her to blindly and unintentionally ignore the boy behind her. Her stomach wrenches with vile disgust and her chest is tightening with every thought.

This isn't anger anymore. This is rage. She's livid. Furious. Incredulous. Pissed off. He's a liar. He's a hypocrite. He betrayed Sam and contradicted everything he said.

She stomps up to the choir room door to see everyone enjoying their free time before rehearsal. The burn becomes an unquenchable wild thirst for justice and answers when she sees them together, her hand holding his in her lap possessively. As if she owns him. Because she does...she always has. She leads him around like a puppy. And he does nothing but obey.

She throws open the door, disturbing the peace as everyone falls silent and turns to look at her contorted face in surprise. "What's wrong with you?" Mercedes asks in wary annoyance, her voice quieter than usual because deep down she knows taht she's not to be messed with.

She ignores her, instead glaring at the couple who are watching in shock. "Is it true?" she demands, her voice crisp and sharp. "I want to know -right now- if it's true. No avoiding the question."

"What's your problem?" Finn questions in irritation, leaning a little closer to Quinn on purpose. "You-"

"Shut up" she rumbles and his mouth snaps shut, stunned. She relishes it in it. "Is it true?"

"Is what true?" Quinn inquires with a huff. "What are you rattling on about now?"

"Did you cheat with him on Sam?" She directs the question right at the blond who looks around uneasily. "Is it true? Yes or no."

"Rachel...it's none of your business-"

"Don't start" she growls menacingly at the girl. "Answer. The. Question."

"No" Quinn replies, her voice faltering. "I didn't. I-"

"Tell the truth!" she shouts kicking the chair next to her, startling the group. "Did you cheat?"

Quinn looks down shamefacedly. The murmured 'yes' makes the fire in her chest roar. "I didn't want to hurt him" Quinn says and she knows it's a lie. "But he didn't-"

"Liar" she interrupts ferociously. "You didn't once think about Sam, did you? I know you, Quinn. You don't have to pretend you're this good, innocent girl. You're not. You're mean and manipulative and you have your agenda. You don't care about anyone. You can be cold to me all you want but don't you dare bring Sam into this who was nothing but good to you and gave you everything you wanted. I thought the whole debacle with Puck would teach you how much hurt cheating causes but I guess I was wrong."

"Hey, you cheated too" Finn says defensively standing up.

"I didn't sleep with him" she retorts with venom. "I didn't lie to you. I tried to make up for it! So shut up because you're a hypocrite. You knew that Quinn was still with Sam, didn't you? You knew how much pain it would cause. Didn't you?"

"No" he responds quickly. "I had no idea...she came onto me. I-"

"Tell the truth!" she yells again, louder this time. "Don't lie to me again!" There's a long silence as they stare at each other, millions of unsaid things passing between them wordlessly. The Glee Club becomes nonexistent as her rage cools slightly, her face softening. Tears flood her eyes and she feels exposed and vulnerable again, showing him her wounds. "Is it true?" she whispers, her voice a coo. "Just tell me...is it true?"

He looks down, his hard mask smoothing as well and then it's just them. It's her pain and his weakness. His guilt radiating because he knows he has to tell the truth. And when she sees it -when she's sees that he lied and went back on his word- she feels the avalanche fall. She crumbles. The world crashes down around her and she's drowning. The black hole is swallowing her whole. She thought she was dying before and now she knows that it's much worse.

"Yes" he breathes as a confirmation and a stab. "It's true."

Hearing the words makes her throat constrict, her chest heave with grief and her knees buckle as she takes a step back. The weight of every mean, stupid, inconsiderate thing he did to her cascades down and engulfs her, making the world a hazy sea of black. Her eyes blur with a history of unshed, denied tears as she shakes her head in disbelief. The pain is sharp and blazing, branding her and creating a new scar. The worst one yet. It's making her dizzy.

Maybe he never really loved me at all.

That thought causes her to stumble back with a broken sob and an unpleasant feeling ignites deep within her, spreading slowly, covering every inch. She can't breathe. She can't swallow. She can't think clearly.

"Rachel" Finn murmurs, taking a step closer. "I-I-"

"No" she chokes out in a cry. "I can't. I'm done with this...done with all of it!"

With that she flees from the room, a sob caught in her narrow throat. The awful feeling is creeping and expanding throughout her body, numbness eclipsing her. It's frightening and sickening and it's taking control.

And then there's no hurt or crippling sadness or rage. There's nothing but the icy, frozen feeling that's eating her alive. She's empty and futile. She can't feel things anymore.

She realizes she's died emotionally. And she can't seem to care.

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_"I feel an emptiness inside_

_A part of me already died..."_

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**_______AN#2: _**_______So much ANGST! haha I'm sorry but I love it! Things will get better...eventually ;)_

______________Song credits were "Mr. Brightside" by the Killers at the beginning and then "Losing My Grip" by Hoobastank at the end.

______Next Chapter: ? I dunno! Possibly exploring the new emotionally killed Rachel...? And maybe someone realizing he did wrong...? ;)

______THANKS FOR READING AND PLEASE REVIEW! I NEED MORE REVIEWS! LOVE TO ALL!


	4. Indifference

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Hai people! Oh my gosh look at me updating...so proud and overjoyed! Thank you SO much for so many amazing reviews...I LOVE YOU GUYS! KEEP THEM COMING! I'll try to update again tomorrow, Sunday AND Monday (PA DAY HOORAY!)...I'm really loving this angst-y fic! BEWARE OF MORE ANGST THIS CHAPTER. There's no Finchel interaction :( more reflection. But I like it.

Anyways ENJOY!

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_"I will light the match this mornin', so I won't be alone  
Watch as she lies silent, for soon light will be gone  
Oh, I will stand arms outstretched, pretend I'm free to roam  
Oh, I will make my way, through, one more day in Hell...  
How much difference does it make?  
How much difference does it make?"_

It's quiet and peaceful with nothing but the low hum of the fan overhead. The moonlight leaks through her curtains, illuminating a streak of pearl light across her floor and the midnight sky is a deep indigo. She stares up at the ceiling distantly, her limbs feeling heavy. She doesn't want to move. She fears the raw, gaping hole in her chest that's frozen in a haze will hurt. And memories will come rushing back and she'll be left with a searing pain that cannot be tampered.

The night is tranquil aside from the gentle coos of wind but she feels far away from the peace. She feels restless and dead. There's a deep burn in the pit of her stomach that spreads all the way to the tips of her fingers and toes. The numbness is disturbing. Eerie. Wrong.

His face pops up into her mind and she's caught off guard but takes a moment and surrendurs, thinking about him. His warm cinnamon eyes that she can only remember as guarded, penetrating her soul. Grilling her. Making sure she saw the venom. Judging her as if she were inferior and nonexistent.

She curls her fingers, bunching up the sheets in her fist and squeezes her eyes shut, feeling the hot numbness flow with her, pumping through her veins. The tingly, searing sensation is severely unpleasant as it makes sure to fill every inch of her. Eating away any signs of optimism or hope. Replacing it with nothingness.

She wants to be able to feel the pain than nothing at all but no matter how she tries, she can't. The eerie feeling sweeps away emotions, leaving her with emptiness that is so much worse than hurt.

Why did he do it? Why wasn't she enough? Did he ever really love her?

She wants to be mad and wildly passionate to get answers and justice but she's not. She's not enraged or filled with crippling sadness or anything she's supposed to feel. She feels dead.

She gave him everything. Her heart. Her soul. Her love. She didn't ask for much in return. She cared about what he wanted. She loved him wholely and thoroughly for everything he was. She forgave him for things he did and didn't do. All she asked in return was his love. And he never gave it all. He gave it in parts. Leaving her thirsty for more. He lead her on and made her do the work. He drove her into making mistakes when he knew she'd be hurt by his actions.

Her thoughts are scattered and overpowering but the one that rings loud and clear, making the fiery numbness burn hotter in her veins is that he never loved her as much as she loved him. She was a game to him. A chase. A notch on his bedpost. She was a haven when he felt inferior. She was an ear when he needed to vent. She was a shoulder to cry and lean on. She was a cheerleader, building him up. She was a punching bag. She was someone he could laugh at. She was someone who would love him no matter what. She made him feel special, important and needed.

And he took her for granted. And he gave her nothing in return.

Maybe it's her fault. She didn't stand up for herself enough. She let him walk all over her. But he knew he had her wrapped around his finger. And he took advantage of it.

The dull burn is now a raging fire, making her feel like acid.

"_I will hold the candle till it burns up my arm  
Oh, I'll keep takin' punches until their will grows tired  
Oh, I will stare the sun down until my eyes go blind  
Hey, I won't change direction, and I won't change my mind  
How much difference does it make?  
Mmm, how much difference does it make...how much difference..."_

Pulling herself up, she treads toward the window to look out into the vast night sky. The stars are dim and the moon is full and bright, lighting the sky. She stares out, letting the fire tamper by the simplicity. She feels like on of those small, insignificant stars, eclipsed by the beauty and grace of the moon. And she burst. So now she's nothing but a space in the midnight sky, a ghost of a star.

One single, empty tear slides down her cheek but she does not surrendur to the sobs caught in her chest, instead wondering if he's out there, looking up at the sky, too, maybe even feeling the pain she doesn't.

_"I'll swallow poison, until I grow immune  
I will scream my lungs out till it fills this room  
How much difference _

_How much difference  
How much difference does it make? _

_How much difference does it make?"_

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**AN#2: **SO SAD! I love exploring this side of Rachel: deeply wounded and broken. It's so awesome haha

Song credit was Indifference by Pearl Jam...I love Eddie Vedder :)

Next Chapter: ? Who knows! I don't ;)

THANKS FOR READING, KEEP THE AMAZINGLY AWESOME REVIEWS COMING AND LOVE TO ALL! GOODNIGHT!


	5. Dead and Gone

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**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Hello hello everyone! Thanks for all the awesome reviews! Had a long and tiring day so I'll make this quick! I'll probably be able to update tomorrow AND monday so yay. Keep up the reviews...they make me SO happy :) Anyways ENJOY this chapter!

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_"Oh hey, I've been travelin' on this road too long  
Just tryin' to find my way back home  
But the old me's dead and gone  
Dead and gone..."_

The buzz of the hallway is distant and insignificant as she walks alone, the world around her seeming black and white. People push past her and spit cruel things as she passes but she shows no reaction, continuing her lonely trek. Their confused eyes pierce her back but she doesn't care.

Her insomnia had prevented her from a good night's sleep causing her to be a zombie. When she looked in the mirror that morning, she was shaken to see a lifeless stranger's face looking back at her. Dark circles, puffy red-rimmed eyes and a ghost of Rachel Berry haunting her face, she looked dead. Smiling or expressing emotion felt foreign to her.

When she got to school, Sam had been concerned at her appearance. Despite his sympathy and questions to whether she was alright, she remained emotionless. This just couldn't be cured.

She opens her locker and goes through the motions of trading books, remaining impassive when Santana hisses an insult at her as she passes. It doesn't hurt. It gets sucked in by the gaping hole in her chest, getting caught there with the other emotions she doesn't feel.

"Hey, Rach."

Looking up to see his sheepish, nervous face as he leans against the neighboring locker, the numbness burns hotter in her veins. Acid bubbles in her stomach but the unpleasant tingles don't show on her face. She blinks once, her face blank, before turning back to her locker as if nothing was said.

He shifts awkwardly, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Look, I know yesterday was rough" he says guiltily. "I'm sorry that you had to find out that way about me and Quinn. And I know you're probably pissed that I kinda screwed Sam over but I don't know...it just kind of happened. I didn't mean for things to get so messed up." He exhales loudly. "So...sorry."

She remains silent, continuing to rifle through her locker without a glance at him. The raging fire is sweltering again in her chest, the searing numbness burning her all over. She wishes it was hurt instead of this emptiness.

"Please say something" he breathes. "I know you're angry but-"

"I'm not angry" she says simply, her voice sounding rusty from her tight throat and the venom pumping through her.

"Oh...okay" he mumbles in confusion. "Then I know you're sad-"

"I'm not sad either."

His brow furrows in bewilderment. "Shocked? Hurt? Confused? Whatever you are-"

"I'm not anything" she says in a monotone.

"Why?" he asks. "I thought-"

"I'm fine" she murmurs, her tone not changing.

"You don't seem fine" he counters. "You look...not you. And you're acting...not like you. You can tell me if you're pissed. I thought you trusted me enough."

The fiery sensation that engulfs every inch of her makes her chest constrict and her throat burn but she can't express it, the emotions being eclipsed by the feeling. She wants to feel something besides this but she only feels frozen.

"I'm not anything" she repeats flatly. "You don't have to worry about me."

"Come on, Rachel" he says pleadingly. "Just tell me what's going on. What are you feeling?"

"Nothing" she replies in complete honesty. "I feel absolutely nothing."

He frowns, reaching out and taking her stiff hand. "Are you sick?"

"No."

He looks at her deeply and intensely for a moment. "I don't know what's going on with you" he begins softly. "And I hope you can tell me. But I kind of ended things with Quinn yesterday after you left...or she ended them with me or something. I don't really know but I think she likes Puck anyways but that's not the point. The point is I've been thinking a lot lately and even though I'm pretty messed up, I think we can try being friends again. I mean we'll eventually get back to being us again but not until I forgive you. I miss being around you. It's a start. So...what do you say?"

She pauses, thinking over his words as the fire snarls and crackles in her chest, making her insides acid. She physically can't be near him anymore.

"I can't" she chokes out.

He shakes his head in confusion, his face contorting. "Why?"

She looks at him then, showing him exactly what she is. "I can't feel things anymore" she says slowly. "I feel cold and numb all the time. I-I...I feel like acid." She shrugs lightly, at loss of words. "I'm empty...and lifeless. Dead and gone."

"What do you mean?" he questions frightened.

"I mean I've been swallowed by a black hole" she answers. "All the pain and hurt I've gone through is clogged up in my chest. You can feel sad and angry and happy. I can't. The only thing I feel is this searing numbness. And I don't know how to get rid of it."

His cinnamon eyes are scared and guilty. "Are you saying that I did this?" he asks in a murmur.

She shrugs. "I don't know" she responds. "I guess you kind of pulled the trigger."

He looks heartbroken and ashamed. "W-what can I do to make it better?" he inquires. "I don't want to lose you. I love you, Rach. Despite everything that happened...I still love you."

She shakes her head. "It's not enough" she says. "I can't take anymore of this. I-I can't."

"But you can't give up on us" he exclaims desperately. "You have to fight! Rachel Berry is a fighter!"

"I did fight, Finn" she says softly. "I fought for so long. I don't have any more left in me."

"B-but-"

"What do you want me to say?" she asks with a sigh. "Do you want me to say I love you more than anything and that despite everything you've put me through, you're all that matters? Do you want me to say I forgive you and I can forget all the pain? That I'm sorry I screwed up and hurt you so badly? That I just want you to be happy? That I'll do anything for you? I did say that. And you said no. I tried to make up for my mistakes...you never did. I loved you more than the universe. You didn't love me nearly as much in return."

"I did...I did. I-"

"You didn't" she interrupts flatly. "You loved the chase...the game. You loved how I made you feel. The fact is you weren't wanting what I did out of our relationship."

"Please, Rach" he begs. "Don't do this-"

"I'm sorry but I can't feel things and be anything anymore" she says impassively.

He pauses, his cinnamon eyes glazed with tears. He looks broken and lost and for a second she thinks a flicker of sympathy passes through the numbness because maybe he is hurting for her. "Are you saying that you don't love me anymore?" he questions in a whisper.

"I don't really know" she replies blankly. "I don't feel anything. But I know I can't be in anything with you. You have no idea what you did to me Finn. Look at me...I'm dead. I-I-I just can't. I'm sorry."

"But Rach-"

"I have to go."

With that, she leaves him standing alone and hurt, giving him a taste of his own medecine. The enormous fire that rages in her chest makes her dizzy and sick as she strides to the empty choir room, surrenduring and collapsing on the floor once she's alone. She pants and wheezes and chokes on air, her chest heaving uncontrollably. Her eyes remain dry. But she's sobbing. She's drowning again in nothingness.

It's so much worse than the pain before.

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"But the old me's dead and gone  
Dead and gone..."

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**AN#2: **SO SAD! Poor Finchel :( song credit was Dead and Gone by T.I. and Justin Timberlake

Next Chapter: ? Who knows! haha

THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE REVIEW AND LOVE TO ALL! MWAH!


	6. Disarm

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note**: Hey there everyone! Thanks for the reviews but I NEED MORE! Ha ha...believe me they motivate me SO much. I'll probably update tomorrow and the rest is unknown. I'm really liking this story so more reviews equals more updates and a very happy me :D haha

Anyways ENJOY this chapter!

* * *

The whispers and glimpses coming from the Glee Club bounce off of her as she sits in the far corner of the choir room, remaining impassive and distant. No one has the guts to ask her if she's alright or to try to engage her in small talk but she doesn't care. They don't mean anything.

After her little episode, she had continued with her day, avoiding hallways where he'd be and maintaining her distance from her peers. The raw immense hole in her chest had been stinging mercilessly since, leaving her to stumble into the washroom blindly and try to calm her breathing. These little spurts would eventually calm enough for her to go out into the public again, the prickling returning. It was severely unpleasant, the worst feeling yet, and she felt flickers of fear through the numbness.

Sam enters next, looking irritated, as Finn follows shortly afterward. Finn immediately looks at her but she avoids his pleading gaze, the sharp edge coming back in her chest. She better not have an episode in the middle of Glee.

After a moment of silent begging, Finn shuffles to a seat relatively close -too close for comfort- and Sam takes a seat right next to her, releasing a huff. "Hey" he grumbles.

"You okay?" she asks lightly.

"No" he answers with a sigh. "Quinn and Finn tried to talk to me abut what happened."

She nods understandingly, struggling to feel sympathy. The numbness won't allow it. "I'm sorry."

He shrugs, laughing bitterly. "Life's not fair, remember?" She nods, trying to smile but failing miserably. "You have no idea how thankful I am that you said that to them yesterday...you totally called them out." He pauses, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Thanks, Rachel. You're awesome."

"Don't worry about it" she murmurs airily, trying to ignore Finn's piercing eyes on her.

He smiles for a moment before grimacing in concern. "How are you doing?" he inquires softly. "You look...rough."

She stares down at her lap, the stinging increasing. "I'm not doing so good" she replies in a monotone.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really" she responds. "It's...really complicated. But thanks, Sam."

"I'm always here for you" he assures firmly. "Know that, okay?"

She nods with another pathetic attempt at a smile and he frowns in bewilderment and surprise. She quickly stops trying to smile because she's probably scaring him and turns to the front where Mr. Schue strides in, clapping his hands. "Alright guys" he calls, gaining everyone's attention. "We're gonna start today with-"

Before he can finish, Finn's hand whips up, startling him. "Umm...yes, Finn?"

"Can I sing something?" he asks.

"Uh...sure" Mr. Schue says with a slight laugh, gesturing for him to come up to the front. "Take it away."

Finn gives him a pained half-smile and the gaping hole burns hotter, sympathy bubbling up in her chest but quickly getting replaced with the searing numbness. Facing the club, he clears his throat gently before exhaling loudly. "So" he begins. "Uh...I just wanted to dedicate this song to Rachel." He looks at her and she quickly ducks her head, her pulse pounding rapidly. "I want you to know that I'm sorry for everything that happened and...and I just hope you can forgive me. Umm...okay. Here we go."

The music starts and she freezes, hearing the familiar tune. Her chest constricts again and she feelings the now recognized scorching sensation pumping through her veins.

_"I thought I knew  
But this just doesn't feel right without you  
I tried so hard to push away your heart when I should've let it through  
I miss your voice  
Anything else that I hear is just noise  
Cause you changed my world, should've seen it girl, but I didn't know..."_

She can't look up, fearing that the already blazing heat wave in her chest will increase. She knows he's looking at her, singing to her, trying to make up for what he did and didn't do.

_"I didn't know who you were 'til you were gone  
I didn't know you'd be so special to me  
I didn't know, didn't know myself  
I didn't know all the love I felt for you  
So baby please don't go, I didn't know..."_

He sounds amazing, his best performance yet, because he means it. He wants everything to be okay. He doesn't want her to be hurt. But he still doesn't understand how much damage he caused. He still doesn't get that she's frozen and blank. He doesn't get that this can't be made up by an apology.

It's deeper than that.

_"I was convinced  
That I could go through one day without your kiss  
I never felt the way you made me melt  
Oh since I touched your lips..._

_"I didn't know who you were 'til you were gone  
I didn't know you'd be so special to me  
I didn't know, didn't know myself  
I didn't know all the love I felt for you  
So baby please don't go, I didn't know..."_

The whole club gets involved, clapping and singing along, backing him up. The fire increases in her chest and she fidgets, gripping the hem of her shirt as a lifeline, fighting the heaving breaths that are rising in her chest, bubbling to her throat. It's like acid, blistering and venomous and it's eating away at her insides. She wants him to stop. She can't take it. She feels like she's about to implode.

_"Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na...I didn't know  
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na...I didn't know that I could fall so deep in love  
I wanna be there when the morning sun comes up  
Can you forgive me this time, baby please?  
I thought I knew, but this just doesn't feel right without you..."_

It's suffocating and sweltering now, the heat burning all the way to her finger tips. She bites her lip hard, clenching her fists, making her knuckles white. Her hands are clammy and her face is hot, her eyes remaining dry once again. Sobs clog in her chest and she can feel Sam's hand on her back but it provides no solace. Her head spins and she begs silently for it to stop but the waves of numbness continue to engulf her, drowning and swallowing her into oblivion.

She's going to faint. Or throw up. Or something worse.

_"I didn't know who you were 'til you were gone  
I didn't know you'd be so special to me  
I didn't know, didn't know myself  
I didn't know all the love I felt for you  
Please don't let me go, so baby please don't go..."_

She makes the mistake of looking up to see his gorgeous face, pleading her to understand. His cinnamon eyes are glistening with unshed tears and his expression is one of longing. Her vision begins to black in places, the room beginning to spin, her stomach boiling with acid, her chest tightening narrowly and her throat dry. She has no idea what's going on inside of her. It's scary.

He comes closer and the feelings increase as he kneels down, taking her sweaty, clenched, stiff hands in his big ones, looking at her with meaning.

_"I didn't know, didn't know, how beautiful, didn't know  
Didn't know, I didn't know, didn't know."_

The music ends and everyone cheers except for her and Finn, their eyes locked. Her stomach twists violently and her pulse races as he squeezes her hands, completely oblivious to the savage attack inside of her. "Please, Rach" he whispers, reaching out to touch her flaming face. "Give me one more chance."

The feelings is covering almost every inch of her. She's so close to falling off the edge, so much worse than the previous one. She doesn't know if she can feel much worse than this...

"I love you...please..."

And then she gives in to the breakdown, a strangled sob releasing from her throat, startling everyone. She gets up quickly as does he and she tries to run but he grabs her arm, begging. "Don't go" he breathes desperately. "I'm _so_ sorry...I-"

She shakes her head, pleading for him to understand that she can't breathe. "I-I-I-I can't, Finn" she says brokenly. "I have to go...I'm sorry."

"Rach, please..."

"Look at me!" she exclaims suddenly and his grip loosens. "I'm dying! I can't be here...just let me go."

And then she breaks free and flees, feeling the world spin and crumble once again. The heat is insatiable and unquenchable, leaving her feeling so much worse than before. She flies into the bathroom, sinking to the ground again, trying to catch her breath. The feeling is eclipsing her once again and she doesn't know what's on the horizon or what could be worse than this scorching nothingness.

Then, it _hurts_. It _burns_. Worse than ever before. And tears are cascading down her cheeks. She's sobbing louder than ever.

And she can't believe it. She cracked. She can feel again. Like her fever broke. It's horrible and painful but it's something.

And she'll take that over the numbness any day.

* * *

_"The bitterness of one who's left alone  
Ooh, the years burn..."_

_

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_

**_AN#2: _**_WHOA...INTENSE! haha I liked this chapter personally. Song credits were 'I didn't know' by Alex Lambert (he was on American Idol) and 'Disarm' by the Smashing Pumpkins...both awesomely amazing songs :)_

___Next Chapter: ? ______MYSTERY! to you **and** me haha ;)_

_______THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE PLEASE **PLEASE **REVIEW AND LOVE TO ALL!_


	7. Move Along

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note**: Hiya people! Thanks for the awesome reviews...you guys are awesome! I don't know when I'll be able to update again but I promise I'll work hard to get it up ASAIC (as soon as I can :P) Anyways ENJOY this chapter...it's kind of a filler but I like it :)

* * *

_"All the pain held in your  
Hands are shaking cold  
Your hands are mine to hold..."_

She hugs her knees to her chest, the sobs beginning to subside into sniffles. The horrible pain hasn't tampered in the slightest but she had felt -for a split second- relief flow through her. She was _feeling _again. It hurt terribly but the numbness was gone. It was incredible.

Wiping the tears away with the back of her hand, she takes a steadying, shaky breath in attempt to compose herself, the sharp ache in her chest continuing to pierce. She swallows the lump in her throat as she inhales smoothly, finally being able to breathe properly again. Taking one last moment to relax in the new tranquility, she gets to her feet, her legs shaky, and walks to the sink. She looks at her messy, broken reflection and frowns deeply. She looks destroyed.

Gingerly dabbing her puffy red eyes with a wet paper towel, she feels shaken by the aftershocks of the searing numbness that still echo in her increasingly pained chest. She has a terrible headache, feels exhausted beyond belief, has a dry and rusty throat and she's aching all over from the intensity of the sobs. No signs of endorphons on the horizon. Awesome.

A light knock on the door brings her to the present as she curiously looks to see Quinn slip in, sheepish and nervous. "Hey" the girl murmurs timidly with a small smile.

She turns back to the mirror and ignores her, continuing to dab her eyes and clean herself up.

"How are you doing?" Quinn asks, unphased by her dismissal.

She scoffs, gesturing to her blotched and puffy face. "I think you can figure that out" she says bitterly, not caring that she's being rude.

The blond grimaces, taking wary steps closer. "Look" she says softly. "I know things have been rough between us and we haven't always seen eye to eye-"

"That's the understatement of the century."

Quinn chuckles anxiously, twisting her fingers together. "Finn's a wreck" she tries again. "After you left he broke down...I've never seen him so upset. He's gone now...he went to chase you down but when he heard you crying...he ran." She pauses, gauging her impassive reaction but deep down she feels the sharp slash of guilt. "He really loves you, Rachel. More than he ever loved me. I was the one who initiated it. He was in a bad place and I took advantage of it. He's innocent-"

"Save it" she growls. "He knew what he was doing. He knew that there was going to be consequences. You're both culpable. You're both selfish."

Quinn looks down shamefacedly. "We both feel awful" she says gently. "We're so sorry-"

"I'm sure you are" she says sarcastically. "But when it comes down to it...sorry isn't enough. Be honest, did you think of Sam once when you cheated?"

The girl ducks her head again. "No."

"Thought so" she says smugly. "It's not enough to feel bad once you see how much hurt it caused. Both you and Finn need to realize that being sorry won't cure everything. You were mean and selfish. You've been cruel to me for as long as I've known you. You cheated on Finn the first time and saw how much damage it caused yet you have the guts to do it again. This isn't about you and me anymore. This is about what you did to Sam. You should be apologizing to him."

"I tried to" she defends. "But he shrugged me off."

"And so he should" she says sourly. "You really hurt him, Quinn. And until you really understand that, you'll be making the same mistake over and over again."

"You cheated on Finn" Quinn challenges. "What's the difference?"  
"The difference is that I took responsibilty for what I did" she says in a rumble. "I put aside what I wanted and thought of him instead. I wanted him to be happy. I respected his wishes and stayed away from him even though I wanted to win him back. I was _selfless_. Hard to believe, right?" She sneers without an ounce of humour. "That's something new for you, too."

Quinn's eyes fall downcast. "I'm sorry" she whispers. "But just don't be mad at Finn. He's really hurting."

"And I'm not?" she retorts, slamming her hands down on the sink. The blond flinches at her outburst. "He knew that I was going to hurt but he did it anyway. _Every_ inconsiderate thing he did, he did it on purpose. I was always second place. He loves his reputation. He loves the chase...the game. And frankly, I think he loves you more than me because if he can easily go back to you after you had sex with his best friend, got pregnant and lied to him for months about it while continuously treating him like dirt, then he _must_ love you. Because any sane person would tell you to go to hell. I made _one _mistake, told the truth and worked hard to make up for it after treating him like a God and yet I still fell short. So I either have terribly bad luck, have something horribly wrong with me or he simply doesn't love me. So am I being irrational and insane? Or am I being logical?"

Quinn has the decency to look ashamed and guilty. "He doesn't love me" she murmurs. "I took advantage of him. I just know he loves you."

"How?"  
"I see the way he looks at you" she says softly with a light shrug. "How he smiles at you. How confident and loved he looks. I hear the way he says your name. I saw it today. The way he sang to you. The way he pleaded for you to stay. How upset he was when you left. How ashamed and destroyed he was when he heard you crying. He really does love you. And maybe he finally realized how much. He's not the brightest crayon in the box but he is quite profound. He's still a boy. Sometimes it takes him a while. You, of all people, should know that." She shrugs idly. "But I know that now, after seeing you like this and after being away from you for so long, he recognizes how much he loves and needs you."

She remains silent, wetting her enflamed face and trying not to get rattled by Quinn's words. "I get that we both hurt you a lot" the girl says with a sigh. "And you have every right to hate us. But just think about it. And know that he's pretty relentless when he wants something." Quinn chuckles and she finds the corners of her mouth quirking up as well. "I'm sorry, Rachel. I hope one day, you can forgive me."

She snickers bitterly. "We'll see."

Quinn laughs airily. "Yah." Opening the door, the girl turns back to her with a gentle smile. "See you around. I think I'll take your approach with Sam, by the way."

With that, Quinn slinks gracefully from sight and she's left alone with her thoughts and pain. The silence is thick and sheruns a hand through her hair wearily, sighing.

Maybe Quinn's right. Maybe Finn gets it now. Maybe Finn really does love her.

Then again, Quinn's a lying, cheating, manipulative bitch who loves making her suffer.

And once a bitch, always a bitch.

The thought makes her sick.

* * *

_"And even when your hope is gone  
Move along, move along just to make it through..."_

* * *

**AN#2: **Eep! Intense! haha I'm sorry if anyone likes Quinn but I'm kinda iffy on her. Sometimes I like her, sometimes I hate her. I think Dianna Agron is amazing but Quinn...meh. Again, sorry if you like her. Song credit was 'Move Along' by All-American Rejects...great song.

Next Chapter: A MYSTERY!

THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW AND LOVE TO ALL! KEEP YOUR EYE OUT FOR MY NEXT UPDATE OR ALERT MY STORY! MWAH!


	8. Say Anything

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Edited after weird thing that happened with the typing.

__

_"I never took you for a trick but sometimes I don't know what you want_

_I can take it if you need to take this out on someone..._

_"That little thing with her head held so high_

_talking tough when I cut myself so I could feel something I know is not a lie..."_

She finds herself in the same position, looking up at her ceiling while the pain and hurt eats away at her insides, making the hole in her chest vaster. Her iPod blares with Josh Ramsay's raw voice, drowning out any sense of peace or calm. Anger and a sharp ache cuts deep within her, leaving her feeling drained.

After finally leaving, she went home and allowed herself to feel. Bombarded with the emotions that had once been absent, she had to lie down. The pain festered and engulfed her in the silence of her bedroom until she finally rolled over and pressed 'play' on her iPod, wanting the dreadful quiet to end. She skipped through any show tunes until she found some of Finn's music that she had yet to delete, finally settling on this song. It's on repeat now because she loves how enraged and raw it is.

_"That one stings a little_

_I'm always in the middle_

_I don't expect but try me_

_And you will always find that here_

_This is where I scream from..."_

She closes her eyes and allows the sting to burn, thinking about him. She doesn't want to believe that he's learning or that he's sorry. She can't trust him. He made her this. He made her this monster. She hasn't smiled or felt joy in so long. She made him happy. And he gave her nothing in return. He only realized what he did after the damage was done. And she forgave him too easily. He used her.

She hates this.

_"You can take it all away and I'll miss_

_There's a little bit of you in all this_

_And you can say you only think you know, yeah_

_Please, there's a better bit of me to see yet_

_Cause you haven't seen any of my best_

_You know I hate myself without you now..."_

She should hate him. She should want nothing from him. She shouldn't feel all this pain. And yet she does. Despite every stupid, inconsiderate, mean thing he did to her, she can't hate him. She wishes this would stop...that he would stop.

She's angry and sad and crushed. She's mad at so many things. Quinn for making her life a living hell and hurting Finn so badly. For pursuing him when she knew it would hurt people. Santana for taking things from her constantly and making sure she felt worthless. For mortifying her and ruining what she had with Finn. Finn for everything. Herself for allowing him to treat her this way and for falling too easily for him.

But she still feels empty without him.

__

_"Hurts the same when nobody knows_

_I guess that's just how it goes_

_And I won't say anything at all..."_

Her phone buzzes with a text and she ignores it for a few moments until the sound annoys her. Rolling over, she grabs it with a long sigh, scanning the screen.

*Hello darling. how are you? we haven't talked in 4ever. call me, ok? blaine says hi. xo- Kurt*

She runs a hand through her hair, placing the phone back on her nightstand. She misses Kurt so much. He provided the friendship she needed right now. But when she and Finn split, she kind of shut everyone out, including him. It hurt too much to think of going to his house when Finn would be just down the hall. She couldn't risk it.

Growling when she realizes it was another example of her jumping through hoops for him, she flops back down on her bed, reaching over and turning the music up louder.__

_"I was talking on a dollar sign_

_anxious, scared of what you need_

_Everybody wants a piece of you_

____

_Everyone takes a piece of me..."_

__

She sings that part because it reflects them so much. He was the 'it' boy. Girls (and maybe some guys) wanted to be with him. Guys wanted to be him. When he walked down the halls, people would admire him. He was popular and loved. He relished in it. He loved being the centre of attention. Then when he joined Glee, he fell down the social ladder. When he got involved with her, he dropped even further. He played victim. Yet, people still adored him. Everyone still wanted him. Now everyone wants him even more as he is back in their world. And he loves it.

She was the school's resident freak. No one liked her. People laughed at her. She'd walk down the halls and get slushied or taunted. She didn't care. They didn't matter. Then she joined Glee and nothing changed. Everyone just used her for her talent. Used her for her empathy and kindness. Stole from her. Then he came along and took everything she had. Suddenly, she cared what he thought. And that put her where she is now, crushed and lonely with the whole world against her.__

__

_"That one stings a little_

_I'm always in the middle_

_I don't expect but try me_

_And you will always find me here_

_This is where I scream from..."_

She wonders if he really is hurting. She wishes she could've seen his reaction when she left and when he found out she was crying.

Why did he have to do all this in the first place? What was wrong with her? She loved him wholeheartedly and made him feel important. She never judged him yet he went to the people who were most judgmental. He called her scary when she was the only one who accepted him he was scared of the jocks and Cheerios. He called her a prude when Quinn was worse than she was. He called her mean when he took part in her torment for so long. She'll never understand.

The stinging increases and she groans, clenching her fists.

__

_"You can take it all away and I'll miss_

_There's a little bit of you in all this_

_And you can say you only think you know, yeah_

_Please, there's a better bit of me to see yet_

_Cause you haven't seen any of my best_

_You know I hate myself without you now..."_

She feels tears well up in her eyes again and tries to fight them, not wanting to be vulnerable anymore. She's tired of crying and being upset over him. She doesn't want to love him anymore. It hurts too much. She's becoming a stranger. She's tired and sad and angry all the time. Or she's numb. Or she's in constant pain. It's unhealthy.

She hates what she is now. She hates that she was happiest with him. And angriest without him.____

_"Hurts the same when nobody knows_

_I guess that's just how it goes_

________

_And I won't say anything at all..."_

____

______

She gets up off the bed, feeling restless. She stalks over to her closet and grabs an empty shoe box, tossing it on the chair before beginning to rip pictures of them off her walls. She doesn't look at them, fearing she'll weaken, but continues. She tears away memories shoving them in the box but not ruining them. She's not that merciless.

____

____

_"This is the hook_

_Take it like you took_

_I'm shaking like I shook before_

_Never ever getting better off_

_and I can only watch_

_This is where I stopped before_

_Not another piece of me_

_I always slip away from_

____

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_I always slip away from..."_

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Next, she rifles through her closet and tosses his shirt and sweater out. She tries to fight the memory of him being sore after football. She ended giving him a massage which lead to making out. Memories she used to cherish when he finally learned to trust her that he was gorgeous.

Tears begin to fall as she throws them on her bed before stomping over to her nightstand, the ache getting hotter.

____

__

____

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_"I won't say anything but_

_You can take it all away and I'll miss_

_There's a little bit of you in all this_

_And you can say you only think you know, yeah_

_Please, there's a better bit of me to see yet_

_Cause you haven't seen any of my best_

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_You know I hate myself..."_

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She fumbles blindly through the drawer, pulling out the card he gave her or the notes they passed or any little gifts he gave her. She pulls out all the souvenirs from dates and with shaky hands, stuffs them in the box. She chokes on sobs and stumbles around, her chest heaving from the impact of this. She needs to do this and she knew it would hurt but this is insanity. She can't fathom the pain.

This is it.

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_Hurts the same when nobody knows_

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_I guess that's just how it goes_

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_And I won't say anything at all..."_

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She grabs the frame on her nightstand of them and stuffs it into the box, a sob escaping her lips until finally, she sees the golden chain with his name laying bare on the table. The slash that slices across her and burns her from head to toe. Lifting it with wavering fingers, she examines it and feels a flood of memories engulf her. How proud she felt displaying his name. How complete she was. How sure she was that they were forever.

Walking slowly over to the box, she places it on top of everything and after one more long look, she closes the lid. Sinking to her knees she allows the overwhelming tears spill over fully, her face enflamed and puffy. She feels sick. It hurts so much.

A light knock on her door, freezes her as his familiar, smooth voice -now rough and wary- calls out and the door opens to reveal his angelic face.

"Rach?"

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_"I won't say anything at all_

_I won't say anything at all."_

_

* * *

AN#2: Sorry for the weird wackiness...hope this helps!_


	9. Self Esteem

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Hey everyone! Sorry but my computer was acting all weird and after many trials and errors, I finally posted the last chapter. It was stupid. But anyways thanks for all the reviews :) Tonight was a DOUBLE UPDATE NIGHT because I had a snow day so hooray :) I think I'll be able to upate tomorrow night and Friday night so yay! Anyways ENJOY this chapter :) and hooray for GLEE in 4 days!

* * *

_"I know she's playing with me  
That's okay cause I got no self esteem..."_

* * *

Shock rattles through her like an earthquake when he pushes the door open a little further, looking pained at the sight of her. She finally remembers that she's on the floor, tears cascading down her cheeks as she sobs violently and scrambles to her feet, wiping her tears away furiously. When 'Say Anything' begins to play again, she sprints over to her iPod and turns it off hastily, trying to stop shaking. Once it cuts off, she clears her throat gently, looking down and straightening her clothes awkwardly.

"Umm...hi, Finn" she mumbles sheepishly, her face getting hotter than it already is. "What are you doing here?"

"Your dad let me in" he murmurs and she refuses to look up and meet his eye. "I came to talk." He pauses for a moment and she can tell he's watching her nervously, gauging her reaction. "Umm...were you listening to Marianas Trench?"

She nods softly and embarrassedly. "I...well...I like that song."

He chuckles, sounding strained and guilty. "Me too."

After another beat of silence, he strides over -much too close for comfort- and forces her to look up, taking her chin between his thumb and index finger. She's stunned frozen by the contact, feeling a new batch of tears flood her eyes as she looks up at him. She wants to slap his hands away and kick him out but she can't. She's too weak. "I'm so sorry, Rach" he whispers, sliding his hand to rest on the side of her face, brushing her tears away with his thumb. "I-I..."

He falls silent, cradling her face tenderly and for a moment, she leans into his touch and closes her eyes, forgetting that everything was wrong with them. She misses his touch. The way her skin tingles from the warmth of his body. They just fit. It's so right.

After another moment, she steps back and out of his reach, trying to ignore how her cheek feels cold. He looks crestfallen and another slash of guilt hits her before she regains some form of composure, gesturing wordlessly for him to sit down. He does so eagerly, patting the spot next to him and she hesitates before obliging, keeping a relative distance.

She looks down at her hands that rest in her lap, feeling anxiety bubble deep within her. She doesn't want to talk. But she can't kick him out. She's not that person.

"So" he begins tentatively. "About today...I'm sorry if I made you feel bad. I was just trying to show you how sorry I am. You really scared me about not loving me anymore. I guess it was kind of a wake up call. I really don't want to lose you, Rach. I am so, so, so sorry for the whole Quinn thing and avoiding you since Christmas. I was hurt. And I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't think about how you were feeling. I-I...I'm sorry for shutting you out. But I won't do that anymore. I don't care that you hurt me because I hurt you, too. And I'm finally starting to realize it." He reaches and takes her hand in his, squeezing it gently. "I know we can work through anything. Because we're stonger than this. Let's start fresh. We're stronger than this, Rach. I love you and I forgive you for you mistake." He pauses and she finds herself finally meeting his sincere eye. "Can you forgive me for mine?"

Looking at him, she wants to say yes. He's so genuine and honest and she can tell he's hurting. She loves him more than ever but she can't allow herself to forgive.

Her head is shaking as tears begin to slide down her cheeks and she slips out of his grasp, getting to her feet. "I...I can't" she whispers, her voice broken. His face falls and she can see his eyes welling up as well. "I-I-I-I...I can't."

"Why?" he breathes forlornly. "We can get through this...we just have to try."

"I am trying, Finn" she says in a sob. "I'm looking at you and I'm trying to forgive you and remember all the times you made me feel appreciated...and secure...and beautiful...and loved. But I just can't. I can only remember feeling abandoned. I'm scared. I can't trust you." She shrugs, stammering for a moment. "Look at me...I'm a wreck. Can't you see how much damage you caused? I just can't...forget all the crap that went on between us. It's deeper than that. You have no idea how much...stuff I've gone through. I'm listening to a song about being depressed by a band that's far from my usual repetoire and I'm sitting here crying my eyes out...do I look okay? Do I look like I'm ready to be happy again? I haven't smiled in ages. Or laughed or felt joy. I'm screwed up, Finn...I'm crushed. I can't do this right now."

She sighs loudly, chancing a glance to see his angelic face, contorted. He looks so upset.

"I'm sorry but I can't" she finally says gently. "I wish things were okay but they're not. I'm so...messed up. It hurts _so_ badly _all_ the time." She shakes her head, sniffling. "You really hurt me. And I can't remember what it felt like to have it any different. You're beginning to understand but...it's pretty deep."

"You have no idea how sorry I am" he says hoarsely. "And I wish I hadn't hurt you. But please, Rach. Don't give up on us. Do you think you could ever forgive me and be with me again?"

She muses silently, trying not to give in. Of course she wants to be able to say yes. But she has to try to be strong. "I don't know" she says quietly. "I'm just not sure."

She hears him whimper softly and her chest constricts again. The words tumble out of her mouth before she can stop. "You still have my heart, Finn...you always will. It's just crushed."

He looks up and she sees tears sliding down his cheeks. She wants to kiss them away and hold him tightly but she resists the urge, averting her eyes to her feet. "I'm not giving up" he says suddenly. "I love you and I'm not giving up. You're it for me. And I'm not letting you go again."

He gets to his feet and stands in front of her, taking her face bewteen his hands. She's enthralled by his gorgeous face and his gentle breath on her lips. She wants to kiss him but the pain in her chest reminds her that she can't. "I love you so much, Rachel" he breathes. "And I'm going to prove it to you." He kisses her forehead tenderly, making her tingle before pulling back, his cheek stained with tears.

He's so beautiful. His cinnamon eyes are warm and honest, glazed with unshed tears. His lips are soft and full and feel wonderful against her skin. His hands are large and slightly rough but amazing from how gentle he is. She loves him so much but she just can't go back to him.

"Goodnight" he says, kissing her forehead once more as well as her cheek before slipping away.

She watches him open the door and give her a small, meaningful smile before disappearing into her hall, the door clicking shut behind him. She feels cold without him but she knows that he needs to earn her trust again.

"Goodnight" she murmurs absently, the pain decreasing by a half a degree.

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"_Well I guess I should stick up for myself_

_But I really think it's better this way_

_The more you suffer_

_The more it shows you really care _

_Right?"_

_

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_

**AN#2: **Sad, eh? But be prepared for some awesomeness ahead )

Song credits were 'Say Anything' in the last chapter by Marianas Trench (amazing song I fell in love with today) and 'Self-Esteem' by Offspring in this chapter. Both very angst-y songs but I just HAD to use them :)

Next Chapter: a mystery ;)

THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE REVIEW AND LOVE TO ALL!


	10. Smile

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Thanks for all the reviews! Sorry for not posting but my computer was all stupid. I have to make this quick so ENJOY and I finally decided what direction I'm going in for this story. I'm REALLY excited! Hope you are too! I hope I don't disappoint with this chapter but I like this angle :) and we've all had a Finchel shortage ;)

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"Now some people say happiness takes so very long to find

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Well, I'm finding it hard leaving your love behind me..."

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The winter wind is crisp and bitter, making her grimace as she hugs herself tighter and fights through it. She walks quickly down her seemingly endless street, cursing her fathers internally. Thanks for taking both cars. Now she has to freeze on the way to school.

After another restless night of insomnia, she can barely keep her eyes open. Finn's words, so softly spoken, echo in her mind and make her chest tighten. Why did he have to say he loves her? Why does he keep making promises he can't keep? The ongoing questions and battles of "should I stay or should I go?" continue to invade her mind, making it impossible to focus. It's irritating beyond belief.

A shiver rattles through her body and she cusses quietly to herself. She has to walk to school on Ohio's coldest day of the year. Her eyes feel heavy and twitchy from the exhaustion and chill and her feet feel like cement. This sucks.

His familiar truck pulls up beside her and she can barely contain her surprise when he rolls down the window, giving her his famous half-smile. "Hey" he calls, slowing his pace so he drives equal with her steps. "Get in...it's freezing out."

She hesitates for a moment before striding quickly over to the truck, slipping in the passenger's side. The warm air caresses her and she releases a long sigh of relief, her teeth chattering uncontrollably. He turns up the heater and points it toward her as she rubs her arms, desperately seeking warmth. "Th-th-thanks" she says between chatters. "I-i-it's so c-c-cold out."

"I know" he chuckles, chancing a glance at her before turning back toward the road. "What were you doing walking?"

"M-my d-d-dads took b-b-both c-c-c-c-c-" She huffs as he grins. "-Cars."

He nods, smirking in his adorable way that takes her breath away and for a second, she forgets that she's supposed to be distant from him. She leans against the door and rejoices as her shaking calms slightly, trying not to feel bad for shutting him out. He did that to her.

He reaches back and retrieves his black hoodie, placing it gently in her lap. "You can wear that if you want today" he murmurs. "It's pretty cold in and outside school...Figgins never turns up the heat."

"I-I know" she says, allowing herself to enjoy this time with him. She misses this truck. It's so Finn. So many memories. The pain returns and she can't even think about smoothing things over with a smile. Or a laugh. But she accepts the sweater anyway because she can't bear to see the crestfallen look on his face. "Thanks."

"No problem" he says with a soft beam and she knows that the pang of hurt is totally worth it. "So...how was the rest of your night?"

"Not so awesome" she replies gently. "I have insomnia."

"What's that?"

"Inability to sleep" she clarifies quietly. She ignores his guilty and concerned expression. "I haven't slept in...a long time."

He frowns. "For how long?"

She bites her lip and remembers how hard it is to be with him now. "Since Christmas...about. It's gotten worse after...umm...after I-I found out about...umm...you and...Quinn..."

His face falls and she turns to look out the window, unable to take it. "I'm sorry" he says barely above a whisper.

She shrugs sullenly, feeling even worse than before.

"Can you sleep...like...at all?" he asks delicately.

"It depends" she finds herself responding lightly. "Before umm...yah...I could get maybe four hours. Now it's more like..." She pauses, feeling her throat tighten. "Umm...two. I lose track sometimes."

"I haven't gotten much sleep this week either" he murmurs.

She nods, swallowing thickly. "It sucks."

"Yah" he breathes with a pained laugh.

There's a beat of silence and she finds herself clenching her fists in her lap. "It's not as bad as other things." The words tumble out of her mouth before she can comprehend what she's saying. "Like...smiling or laughing. I can't do that at all."

He looks heartbroken and ashamed. "I'm really sorry."

She shrugs again, turning away so he doesn't see her tears.

"I can stop if you're feeling uncomfortable" he says gently. "I didn't mean to make you upset..."

"No, it's okay" she tries to assure, her voice breaking. "It's just tough."

"I know...and I hate that I'm the reason for all this."

She bites the inside of her cheek and feels more words fall from her lips. "You're not the complete reason."

And she doesn't have to say anything more because he gets it.

"I have so many regrets with you, Rach" he says softly. "You were so good to me and you made me so happy...I'm sorry I couldn't measure up. If I could go back..." He trails off, shaking his head and letting it hang.

"But we can't."

The words sting both of them and she can't stop a stray tear from slipping down her cheek. "I know" he breathes sadly. "And it sucks. But you're right." He sighs angrily. "I'm such an idiot..."

"You're not" she defends, turning to look at his distressed and gorgeous face. "You made mistakes. I made mistakes. We hurt each other. I'm just damaged. It's going to take me a while."

"I'm going to make it up to you" he vows with a determined nod. "Whatever it takes. I want you to feel special and loved and beautiful because you deserve to be all of that and so much more. You're perfect, Rachel. Despite all the crap everyone -including me- said, you're the most amazing person I've ever met. And I know I've never shown it properly and in the way you deserve but I love you so damn much. And I'm changing. I want to be good enough for you. I'm going to make sure that you know this every chance I get."

She sniffles, wiping her eyes. He's so incredible. "I wish you had done this when we were together" she whispers.

"I do, too" he says genuinely. "But we can't look back."

She nods, turning to look at him. He gives her a meaningful smile that melts her and makes the hole in her chest a little smaller. And for a second she believes that he really is going to cure her.

"Thank you, Finn" she says quietly. "It's nice to hear."

He smiles as he pulls into the McKinley parking lot and she feels herself give him an attempt at a smile. He chuckles lightly and she face palms. "I'm probably creeping you out" she says embarrassedly. "That's me trying to smile, in case you were wondering. I tried to smile at Sam yesterday and I think I scared him."

He laughs wholeheartedly, making goosebumps break out on her skin. "You're still unbelievably gorgeous" he assures. "Even when you're in pain. You're so beautiful, Rachel."

A warm, fuzzy and severely delightful feeling flutters in her stomach as she blushes, another attempt at smile ghosting her lips. "Really?"

"Absolutely" he confirms, placing his hand on her lap. "You're so gorgeous it's insane. Beyond words."

She feels light and almost giddy, squeezing his hand in her lap. "That's sweet."

He grins proudly, opening the door and sliding out of the truck. She's about to join him when she sees him jog around to the other side, opening the door for her. She gratefully accepts his outstretched hand and hops down, not feeling as cold with him so close.

She tries to remind herself not to fall so easily and quickly ducks her head. "Thank you for the ride" she murmurs. "And for everything you said. I guess I'll see you around."

Before she can leave his voice stops her. "Wait" he calls. "I have something for you."

She quirks an eyebrow curiously, watching as he reaches into the back of the truck. He pulls something out but quickly hides it behind his back with a nervous smile. "I was going the give you these later but..." He awkwardly pulls out the gorgeous pink roses from behind his back with a card attached. She gapes as he hands them to her warily. "I couldn't wait."

She takes them carefully, gawking in awe between him and the flowers. "F-for me?"

He nods with another adorable smile. "Thank you, Finn...they're lovely" she says authentically. "I-I...you...I...thank you."

"No problem, Rach." He takes a step closer and sends her an alluring smirk. "Buckle up, gorgeous...you're being wooed."

A laugh actually escapes her lips as she looks up at his darling face, feeling warm. She touches her face in disbelief. "I just laughed-"

"-You did-"

"-And it didn't hurt-"

"-It was the most beautiful sound in the world."

She looks up at him with a glowing sense of esteem. "Thanks, Finn."

"Anytime, Rach."

He walks her into the building and to her locker, making her feel protected from the judgmental crowds of students. She likes the feeling. She could get used to it.

She daintily puts the flowers in her locker before grabbing her books. "You should get to class" she murmurs, looking up to see him leaning against the locker next to hers, affection in his eyes. She feels fuzzy.

He sigh reluctantly with a nod. "Will you come eat lunch with all of us today?"

She mulls it over silently. "Umm...I don't think they want me there-"

"I want you there" he says gently. "And if they step out of line, I'll be there...I promise."

"But I promised myself that I wouldn't be your friend or anything" she says quietly. "I'm not doing a good job of that."

"We both hurt when we avoid each other" he points out. "Let's just...take it slow." He pouts at her. "Please?"

She huffs after a moment. "Fine" she agrees. "But I'm talking glacial pace slow. Don't get your hopes up."

He grins excitedly. "Awesome...you won't regret it."

She rolls her eyes in feigned annoyance. "I already am."

He laughs before sending her a serene, loving smile. "I'll see you in English" he says backing up slowly. "'Tis the East...erm...something, something, something...and Rachel is the sun!'"

She finds the corners of her lips quirking upwards, another laugh escaping her. "You're so articulate...go on. Get out of here."

He grins. "I love you."

And she feels even warmer. "Bye, Finn."

Then he disappears and she's left watching after him, not caring that she broke her promise. It's too hard without him. But she knows she's got to slow it down. He has a lot of making up to do.

But when she slips on his sweater and is engulfed in the scent and feel of him, she can feel herself getting a bit better.

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_Baby steps, Rachel._

_"I can't smile without you,  
I can't laugh  
and I can't sing,  
I'm findin' it hard to do anything..."_

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**AN#2: **aww...yay! Baby steps :)

Hints for future plot: slushies, a school dance (SO EXCITED FOR THIS ONE!) and a journey to forgiveness for our favourite couple. i might even change the rating to M...should i?

THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE REVIEW AND LOVE TO ALL!

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	11. Good to You

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Hi everyone! Thanks for all the reviews...I'm SO happy you all like the direction I'm going in :) By the way, song credit in last chapter was 'Can't smile without you' by Barry Manilow. This chapter's very sweet and I love it but it's NOT the end. There's still a lot of journey left ;). Side note: GLEE tonight! I'm kinda nervous for the next few episodes but I'm trying to be optimistic...as we all should :) I don't think Fuinn will be for too long. Anyways ENJOY this chapter :) I think I might be able to update again tonight! yay! and tomorrow :D

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_"And I know this isn't enough, I still don't measure up._

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_And I'm not prepared, sorry is never there when you need it..."_

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She walks out of English with him by her side, chatting idly. He does most of the talking because she's still warily shocked that he's doing this. She doesn't understand him at all sometimes.

He sat behind her in English and she could tell he was staring at her the majority of the time. When she'd look back, he'd smile brightly or pretend to sigh tediously to make her laugh. It was sweet but she was trying to remain mum. She couldn't let him back in yet. She was too scared.

But when she was with him, it was increasingly difficult to be distant. He compliments her, makes her feel protected and genuinely loves her. It feels amazing. But she's so scared. If he hurt her again, she has no idea what would happen.

He walks her to her locker and leans against the neighbouring one with a gentle smile. "You look better in that sweater than I do" he says, purposely trying to sound seductive.

She laughs lightly, feeling warm. "Nice pick-up line."

He shrugs with a grin. "I'm an irresistible stud, what can I say?"

She rolls her eyes playfully as she closes her locker, falling into step with him. "Can I ask you something?" she asks quietly, twisting her fingers nervously and ducking her head.

"Of course" he replies instantly. "You can ask me anything."

She gives him a small, half-smile before looking down again. "Why are you doing this now?" she inquires, her voice sounding emotional and worried. "After everything you put me through...why now?"

He sighs sadly and she chances a glance at his perfect face to see it contorted in guilt and shame. "Because I'm selfish" he responds in a murmur. "I took you for granted every time I had you. And I can say I didn't know I was hurting you but deep down, I knew. I wanted to be wanted. I wanted to have someone to take out my anger on. I felt so bad for myself all the time. And then you came along and made me feel...good. I felt special and appreciated. And you still liked me even when I was a douche. I wasn't mature enough for you. And then when I screwed up and you left, I'd get all...all...umm...uh...possessive! That's it. I'd get all possessive of you and jealous. I didn't want you to want anybody else. I was wrong to do that. But I still didn't get that I was really hurting you." He frowns deeply. "Then when we broke up, I was so hung up on your mistake because I thought...damn it. What's the word? You know when something comes back to haunt you..."

"Karma" she supplies.

"Right! Yah...I didn't think karma would happen. I didn't think that you could ever make a mistake. And I was selfish because I thought about myself again and didn't think about why you did it."

"I am so sorry" she whispers.

"You don't have to be" he says, grabbing her arm. He turns to face her, hands on her shoulder as he bends down slightly, looking her right in the eye. "I get it now. You were in a bad place...just like I was after I found out about BabyGate. You weren't thinking clearly and he was there. I was stupid. I waited and waited and waited, thinking that you'd forgive me eventually and that I didn't have to say sorry. And you were angry. And hurt. It's my fault. I kept thinking that there was something wrong with me-"

"Nothing is wrong with you" she interrupts, her voice breaking as she shakes her head.

"There was" he says softly. "I was self-centred. And I went to Quinn because I wanted you to hurt. And it was wrong of me. But now, I finally realized that I made you feel that way all the time. I made you feel like there was something wrong with you. It just hit me like a ton of bricks. Kurt was screaming at me and once he left, it just all crumbled down. I figured out that I was an immature ass. You deserve so much better than what I gave you. And I realized how much I love and need you, Rach. You're my life. And I loved you before but now...it's just so much deeper than that. I love you more than it's possible. And I was thinking yesterday, I just really want you to be happy. I just want to be what you want me to be. It's not about me anymore. I want you to know how much you mean to me. You deserve the world, Rachel." He pauses, brushing his thumb along her cheek. She realizes she's crying. "And I thought to myself 'I hope she finds someone who will love her and...and...and...cherish her like I do now. Because she's so amazing.'" She's shocked to see him tearing up. "But there is no one out there who could love you like I do now...it's impossible. It's too deep. You're my best friend in the entire world, you're my partner in crime, my home, my heart, my soul...I'm nothing without you. And I just want you to know that now, I get it. I'm thick...but not that thick." She laughs through her tears. "I'm not asking for you to forgive me right now...I really hurt you. But I'm asking you to give me a chance to give you what you deserve. I want to love you even if you don't love me. I won't love anybody else but you...this is forever. And even if we're never Finchel again, I'll still love you and be what you want me to be. And if you ever want or need me, I'll be waiting in the wings. I'd wait a lifetime for you."

She's shaking with sobs, overwhelming tears of joy, relief and general pain streaming down her cheeks. She can't believe the words she's hearing. She never imagined it to be this way. He loves her. He loves her as much as she adores him.

For the first time in what feels like centuries, she thinks everything will be okay. Maybe she won't have this raw, gaping hole in her chest or crippling hurt or searing numbness. Maybe she'll be even better than before.

She wraps her arms around his waist and buries her face in his chest, soaking his shirt with her tears. She cries as he reciprocates the hug, winding his strong, protective arms around her trembling frame, shielding her from the judgmental world of students around them. He holds her close, murmuring his love for her into her hair, his voice thick with tears as he rubs her back. He makes her feel protected and loved and secure. She misses this. But he's never held her this way before.

Like he said, it's deeper than that.

They remain locked in their embrace for a few minutes until they finally break apart, his hands still on her shoulders and hers still on his waist. He cradles her face tenderly, pressing a lingering kiss to her forehead before wiping her tears away with the pad of his thumb. She looks up at his angelic face, feeling warmer than ever. His eyes are swelling with tears but he still smiles softly, making her feel tingly. The gaping hole in her chest feels less raw and smaller, filled with hope for a brighter future.

"Does that answer your question?" he breathes with an emotional laugh.

She laughs as well, hugging him again. When she pulls, back she misses the warmth. "Thank you, Finn" she says, wiping the last of her tears with a watery smile. "That was beautiful."

He beams. "I thought it was pretty good."

She giggles. "It was." Pausing, she looks up at him in awe. "I think we're making progress. What you said...it's exactly what I've wanted to hear and more for so long."

"If you want me to tell you that every day, I will" he vows, brushing a stray hair from her eyes. "I want you to know how I feel every second. If I annoy you, I'll still make heart signs and googly eyes from afar."

She laughs wholeheartedly. "If you tell me that every day, I think we'll be-"

"Just fine?" he guesses with a grin.

"Better than fine" she says genuinely, smiling. "But for now, we're still taking it slow. I need to learn to trust you again, okay?"

He nods. "I'm going to prove it to you, Rach. I promise."

She gives him a huge smile. "Look at that" she says lightly. "I'm already getting better."

He pulls her in for one more hug. "And it's already the best thing ever."

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_"Or I still have your letter, just got caught between_

_Someone I just invented, and who I really am_

_and who I've become..._

_And I do want you know I'll hold you up above everyone._

_And I do want you know I think you'd be good to me_

_And I'd be so good to you..._

_...I can't be without you..."_

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**AN#2: **Aww...yay for next step in Finchel's journey :) Song credit was 'Good to You' by Marianas Trench...amazing song :)

Next Chapter: Lunch with the rest of the Glee Club

THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE REVIEW AND I THINK I'LL UPDATE AGAIN TONIGHT AND TOMORROW! I HAVE A DAY OFF :D


	12. Up

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Hey y'all! I am SO sorry I didn't update :( *boo* But thank you for all your support...you all are AMAZING! Can I just say I didn't really enjoy the Superbowl episode but I thought Silly Love Songs was great. Yes, there was Fuinn (I'm not that crazy :P) but there was also a LOT of promise for Finchel. The necklace. The Finn believing in her. The looks. Then, when she asked if he saw fireworks when he kissed her, he _smiled. _He looked like he was reminiscing the incredible kisses with her. I was like "Finn! SAY SOMETHING!" and then Rachel assumed different because she's scared of the answer and then when she said "there's no place for me here anymore", he said "That's not the truth! I still-"...and I was like "FINN! SAY YOU LOVE HER AGAIN, DAMN IT!" and then he stopped and I was like "NO!" but then that last look between them before she left was INTENSE! Those two can't stay apart for too long...FINN STILL LOVES HER! It was IMPLIED! Anyways ENJOY this short chapter...kinda a filler.

*End of rant*

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"When everything is goin' wrong  
Don't worry, it won't last for long  
Yeah, it's all gonna come around..."

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She walks into the cafeteria, immediately realizing she has to face a brand new problem after conquering one mere minutes ago. She felt so good about where she stands with Finn but now she has to face the club. She's preparing for the absolute worst.

Finn takes her hand for a moment, giving it a squeeze of assurance and she sends him a grateful smile which he returns. "It'll be good" he whispers. "You'll be great."

She nods, taking a deep breath when she spots them all sitting around a table in the corner, chatting animatedly. Her stomach churns uneasily as she gnaws her lip, feeling Finn's firm, comforting hand on her back. He leads her to them and the conversation dies when they see her approaching. It stings more than she expects when she sees Quinn. Thoughts of them together pop into her mind but she quickly looks away from the girl, looking down at her feet. Exchanging glances, Mercedes says a wary "hi."

"Hey guys" Finn greets nonchalantly. She sees Sam's shocked face and gives him a shrug as Finn pulls out a seat for her. She thanks him, settling beside Sam as he puts a hand on her shoulder, leaning down. "I'll get your lunch for you. Relax, okay? You'll be awesome."

She nods with another thankful smile as he gives her shoulder a squeeze before striding off toward the counter. Clearing her throat gently, she sends the club a smile before turning toward Sam's incredulous face. "You're back with Finn?" he asks exasperatedly.

"No" she replies quietly. "I tried to stay away from him but after he sang to me...it's like the floodgates opened. It hurt sobadly. And he came over and I told him I couldn't forgive him and he said he wouldn't give up. Then he was being really nice to me and I told him that I couldn't be anything with him but he said he wanted me to be happy and we're both miserable without each other. Then he said this beautiful apology and I just lost it and he held and and I cried and then I told him that I still couldn't trust him and I wasn't ready to get back with him." She's rambling uncontrollably. "I'm sorry...please don't be mad at me. I'm still cautious but he's being so genuine. Don't be mad...you're too good of a friend to lose-"

"Chill" he chuckles patting her back. "I'm not mad...I get it. You guys have a huge history and as much as I hate Finn right now, he's still my bro. As long as he's good to you, I'll be fine. You're, like, my best friend Rachel. I'm not pissed."

She beams at him. "Thank you, Sam" she murmurs. She gives him a half-hug. "Just...thank you."

He grins as they turn back toward the club who are watching them carefully. "Umm...hey" she says with a laugh.

"You're back with Finn?" Tina questions in confusion.

"No" she answers. "We're...taking baby steps. We're only friends."

They all nod. "It's good to see you happy" Artie says suddenly. "You deserve it."

She smiles at the boy as the club all murmur in agreement. "And you guys won't have to deal with the painful awkwardness anymore" she says lightly, relieved when everyone laughs.

"Welcome back then, Berry" Puck says authentically.

"Thanks."

Finn returns with two trays, taking a seat next to her. Sam immediately stiffens. "Here you go." He slides one tray in front of her. "Be careful...I think the salad may still be alive."

The whole club laughs as she feigns disgust and Finn leers. "Thanks, Finn."

"So are you guys excited for the dance?" Tina asks idly, picking at her food.

"Dance?" she inquires bewildered.

"You're not serious, are you?" Santana sneers deridingly and she frowns at the girl. "You can't be that out of it, RuPaul-"

"Shut up, Santana" Finn growls, startling everyone. "No one asked you to sit here. If you're going to stay,_ don't_ talk to Rach like that."

"Whatever" the girl snickers weakly, slumping back in her seat, folding her arms across her chest as her cheeks redden in embarrassment. She relishes in it.

"The Valentine's Day Dance" Quinn murmurs. Her head snaps around to look at the blond who smiles timidly. "The school can finally afford it this year."

"Oh."

"I'm psyched" Artie admits with a grin. "I've never gone to those dances in fear of being pummelled with insults or spiked punch." He looks at Brittany. "And I get to go with an amazing girl."

"Who?" Brittany asks, completely dumbfounded. "I thought we were going together...?"

Everyone chuckles as Artie explains to Brittany that it's her. "I'm actually excited too" Mercedes says with a smile. "Maybe we could all hang out together afterward?"

"That'd be awesome" Mike exclaims.

"We can go to my place" Tina offers. "My parents are out for the night."

"Sweet! We can bring-"

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Puckerman" Quinn warns with a smirk as everyone laughs.

"So is everyone in?" She looks around to see everyone nodding. She instantly feels awkward, dropping her gaze to her salad. "Are you coming, Rachel?"

Her head whips up in shock as the group looks at her expectantly. "Me? Really?" she asks in disbelief.

"Of course" Artie says with a chuckle.

"You guys want me to come?"

"Yah" Mercedes says genuinely. "It's not a party without everyone."

She feels a smile creep onto her lips. "Umm...are you sure?"

"C'mon, Berry" Puck presses. "You gotta come!"

Everyone nods and talks over each other, urging for her to join them. She's never felt so included. Looking up at Finn, she sees him beam at her with an exaggerated nod. "Okay, okay" she calls over the noise. "I'll come."

The club cheers and she laughs wholeheartedly, feeling Finn's hand squeeze her knee. She sends him a whole, thankful smile which he returns adoringly as the club around them chatter eagerly about the new plans. Placing her hand over top of his, the world becoming distant, she leans in close to him and whispers an emotionally genuine: "thank you."

He kneads her knee gently. "Anytime, Rach" he murmurs. "You're incredible."

She sighs blissfully, patting his hand gratefully and wishing she could kiss him. Not yet. And then suddenly she's in a discussion with Mercedes and Tina about dresses and going shopping with them and doing make-up together. She feels so embraced. "We'll invite Blaine and Kurt" Mercedes declares enthusiastically.

She feels it's getting better by the day.

Finn keeps his hand tentatively on her knee, searching for signs of discomfort but she only beams at him. His warm hand stays, making her feel tingly.

Then she understand that it's getting better by the moment.

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"Don't go let it get you down

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You gotta keep on holding on..."

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**AN#2: **Yay for inclusion! Sorry it kinda sucked *looks down sheepishly* Song credit was 'Up' by Shania Twain

Coming up in 'Takin' Back My Love' (hehe as I listen to it this very second): Sam & Finn reunite their bromance, THE BIG SCHOOL DANCE and much more!

THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE REVIEW (i need more reviews y'all!) AND LOVE TO ALL!


	13. Old and New

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Hello, hello, hello! Thanks for all the awesome reviews...I'm already almost at 100! This is AMAZING! Anyways I really love this chapter personally because I like the idea of rebuilding for Finchel. And only a few more chapters till THE DANCE! *applause* Anyways, ENJOY this chapter!

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_"Shall I stay_

_Would it be a sin_

_If I can't help falling in love with you..."_

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"Finn?" she asks timidly as she chances a glance at him from the passenger's seat.

"Yah, Rach?"

"Can I ask you a _huge_ favour?"

"Of course" he replies confidently. "You know you can ask me anything."

She sends him a smile, wondering how to phrase this. Should she just come out and say it? Should she be firm? Sweet? Does Sam even want Finn to apologize again?

The rest of the day had been spectacular, featuring plenty of conversation with Mercedes, Kurt and Tina who were taking her shopping tonight. She had went to bed and actually gotten an ideal amount of sleep. It still hurt, like a large scab, but it was healing. Slowly. She felt so much better about Finn. He was sensational the rest of the day as well, continuously giving her chills. And she had an itch for him to ask her to the dance but was trying to control herself.

But when she had gotten picked up by Finn this morning, it dawned on her: Sam. What about his friendship with Finn? Sam was really hurt by everything but he said Finn was still his 'bro'...that's got to be good, right? Or are 'bros' obligated to be that way? She grumbles internally...boys can be weird.

"Umm..." she drawls nervously. "Can you...can you try to work things out with Sam?"

There's a beat of silence until he sighs sadly. "I tried to, believe me, I tried" he says, running a hand through his hair while keeping his eyes focused on the road. "I feel really bad...but he won't talk to me."

"If I get him to, will you?" she questions pleadingly. "It would mean so much to me...Sam's been a great friend to me during this time and I hate to see you two not talking. I don't want him to feel awkward or tense any time you're around. I hope you can smooth it over for the dance because I'd hate to see one of you moping because you can't enjoy yourselves...I mean I understand why Sam would mope due to Quinn's presence but not as much." She's babbling again. "Please? Please Finn?"

"Of course" he responds grinning. "Not only for you but for me, too. I totally screwed Sam over." He grimaces shamefacedly. "I really was a jackass, wasn't I?"

"No" she insists, shaking your head. "You just made mistakes...I-"

"You don't have to defend me, Rach" he says quietly. She falls silent, watching him. "I was awful. To Sam, to Kurt, to my mom...and especially to you. I can say that I didn't mean to but..." He sighs. "I did. I was angry and selfish and-and-and..." He trails off, looking upset. "And I screwed up _everything_ good I had. Sam was my bro and I embarrassed and betrayed him _so_ bad. I was always really pissed off with Kurt even if he was just trying to help and I ended up saying shit I didn't mean. Then he finally screamed at me and I snapped out of it. I was an ass to my mom because she was scared for me. I was a douche to my friends...I ignored Artie and Mike and everyone who was trying to help me. And there's no way of saying how _bad_ I was to you. _All the time_. I was so...so...so...so damn _mean_. For _so_ long.

"With Quinn the first time, I was a jackass who made people feel like crap all the time. I threw my _stepbrother_ in the dumpster. I egged _your_ house. Then even when I joined Glee, I was still selfish. I used you and lead you on even when I was too scared to be with you. I pretended to be weirded out by my teammates even when they were the only ones that accepted me. Then when they betrayed me, I took it out on everyone. You were the only one who still supported me even though I just yelled and cried. Then I kissed you because I knew I really liked you but I just _needed_ you right then and that was selfish because I still was so messed up. Then I broke up with you and made you feel horrible and then I realized that I made a mistake but it was too late. But instead of trying to win you back, I acted all bitter and shit because I wanted you to be happy with _me_. Then he betrayed you and I got another chance but I was still too immature to love you the right way. Then you found out about Santana and I was still too self-centred to realize how hurt you were. Then when I found out about your mistake, I just...turned into this monster."

He pauses, looking angry at himself, caught up in his thoughts. "I hate who I was in the past _so_ much. But I'm not that person anymore. I'm-I-I-I-I...I'd like to think I've changed. And I'd like to think I have a chance of fixing us even after I ruined you. I'm really trying to make up for what I did because I don't know who that person was. I..."

She realizes they've reached the school and he parks, rubbing a hand over his face. She can't believe how stressed he looks. He's being so hard on himself. And though she agrees that he's made a lot of mistakes in the past, she knows that he's not that person anymore.

He opens his mouth to speak again, his face contorted in distress and she can't help but reach over and touch his cheek, turning his face towards hers. He looks at her uncertainly, his cinnamon eyes flooded with tears and she glides her thumb along his cheek, trying to smooth away the creases. Closing his eyes with a soft breath, he leans into her touch and places his hand over top of hers and she takes a moment to enjoy the tranquility. He's so beautiful. And she likes being able to comfort him when he's vulnerable.

"Don't be so hard on yourself" she says gently, running her fingers soothingly through his hair. "You made mistakes but that's the point...you're _not _that person anymore. And just because I can't be with you doesn't mean I don't believe that you truly regret and are sorry for everything you did. And that you've matured drastically." She pauses, her breath getting caught in her throat. "And that you love me a lot."

He looks up and the intensity that lingers and burns in his cinnamon irises make her tingle. He's too gorgeous for words. "I love you _more _than a lot, Rach" he whispers. "It's too deep to understand. I know you can't be with me but that will _never_ change things. Even if you don't love me back."

She's the one to drop her gaze now, biting her lip as she thinks. Not loving him. She's hurt so badly and she's experiencing all these feelings. She's angry at him. She's sad that he hurt her so many times. She's confused as to why she wasn't good enough the first time. She's hopeful for a brighter future. And she actually believes she'll be okay.

It almost feels like she's falling in love with him all over again.

She still loves the old Finn in a sense. He did make her happy. They have a lot of history. And he _crushed_ her. But this new Finn is so much better than she could've ever imagined. The old Finn is still there: bumbling, sweet and naive but there's also a mature, genuine and incredibly loving man there too. And he's healing her.

The realization gives her chills and she's shocked to feel that maybe there isn't a raw hole in her chest anymore. She almost wants to make sure she can feel her heart beating. It's there again. It's misshapen and bruised and practically flattened but it's there. And it's getting better.

She doesn't really know what the future holds. But she's pretty sure he'll be in it.

"I wish I could tell you everything that just swarmed in my head" she murmurs finally breaking the silence. "I kind of think my heart's back...and maybe I'm falling back in love with the new you. I-I honestly have no clue what's going on." She shakes her head in disbelief. "And maybe that's okay. I still love the old you but...I think I'm falling even harder for the new one." She finally meets his eye. "Do you get what I'm saying or am I making no sense at all?"

He beams at her with a breathed laugh. "I think so" he says, taking her hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it. "And I'm thinking this is a really good thing...you just have to get over me so you can move on with me? Right?"

"Basically" she giggles. "I still love the old you but in order to move on with the new you, I have to get over the old you...that and my heart's back and beating in my chest again which is a total bonus even if it's all messed up."

They laugh together. "That's a good thing, right?" he asks playfully.

"It's a great thing" she says honestly. "And I'm getting better by the second."

"Well the new me is going to woo the new you so we can forget about the old me who was a total jackass."

She laughs again. "I can't wait."

"I love you, Rach" he says softly and honestly, squeezing her hands. "More than life...you _are_ my life. And you made me a better person."

She smiles. "We're getting there."

He nods, returning the smile before pressing a kiss to her cheek. Her insides explode into butterflies. The old Finn made her feel incredible but with the new him, she feels even_ more_ than that. And it's _amazing_.

"Let's go find Sam" he suggests, getting out of the car and opening the door for her. "I've got some bro-mancing to do."

Laughing, she pulls him into a hug. "I'm glad the boys are back."

"Me too."

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_"Like a river flows surely to the sea_

_Darling so it goes_

_Some things are meant to be_

_Take my hand, take my whole life too_

_For I can't help falling in love with you..."_

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**AN#2 (read if you want to know what the next few chapters will hold): **Awww...yay for Finchel! Rachel's heart is back and she's falling hard for the new Finn and starting to get over the old Finn, Finn and Sam's bromance will be back on and the dance is coming up! I'm thinking it'll be in 2-3 or maybe even 4 chapters...? Next will be Finn & Sam, the one after that will be Rachel shopping with Mercedes, Tina and Kurt (GIRL TALK! haha) and maybe one before they go to the dance. So STAY TUNED!

THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE REVIEW AND LOVE TO ALL!


	14. Fix You

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **DOUBLE UPDATE! Hope you ENJOY this chapter as well :) Might even have another 2 up tomorrow ;) Btw the song credit last chapter was "Can't Help Falling in Love with You" by The King (Elvis Presley).

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_"And high up above or down below_

_When you're too in love to let it go_

_But if you never try you'll never know_

_Just what you're worth..."_

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She walks with him, letting him organize his thoughts and what he wants to say to Sam aloud. He's absolutely adorable, his brow furrowed as he mumbles some parts and says others with confidence, glancing at her to see if she thinks he's doing okay. She'll smile in assurance, giving him a pat on the back and murmuring that he'll be great.

He wrings his hands and swallows nervously, gaining her attention. "I'm so nervous" he admits, exhaling loudly. "What if he hates me?"

"He doesn't hate you" she reassures. "He's angrier at Quinn. But when you speak from the heart, you'll be awesome." She stops, putting a hand on his chest. "I believe in you."

He smiles breathtakingly and she returns it before turning to glance in the direction of Sam's locker where he stands, taking out books. "You've got this" she says firmly.

"Thanks, Rach" he says softly.

"Don't mention it...stay here. I'll wave you over."

He nods and takes a deep breath, awkwardly leaning against the wall and watching her as she walks over to Sam. Sam looks up as she approaches, sending her a large smile. "Hey."

"Hey" she greets in return. "Umm...listen. Can I talk to you about something?"

"Sure" he replies idly. "What's on your mind, little lady?"

She grins, rolling her eyes playfully. "I just wanted to ask if you could hear Finn out" she says blatantly.

The smile on his lips dies, and he turns back toward his locker, steadying himself. "Umm...you know how hard it is, right? I-I...don't know if I'm ready for that..."

"Look" she says gently. "I know exactly how it feels, remember? It's scary and it hurts. You feel like you can't trust anyone. You feel betrayed and stupid for ever believing that you were something to them. It's the worst feeling in the world." He looks up uncertainly. "But you have to open up. I let Finn explain himself and it's the best decision I've ever made. I'm _healing_, Sam. Look at me. I can smile and laugh again. It gives you hope. You can't keep doing this to yourself. What they did was mean and inconsiderate but this is beating you up too much. You can't keep waiting to get better...you have to pursue it. You deserve to be happy. Let yourself be happy."

She watches him carefully as he processes her words. "Let yourself be happy, Sam" she repeats softly this time. "Trust me."

"Okay" he agrees with a small nod. "I trust you."

Sending him a big smile, she pats his back. "Great...it'll be_ so _worth it. Let me go get him. Be aware: he's a _little _nervous...you're his _bro_."

He chuckles. "Okay...thanks, Rachel."

She jogs over back to Finn who's pale as he twists his fingers together. "What'd he say?"

"He's willing to talk" she says from behind him. She starts to push him forward and he allows his legs to move, gulping nervously. "C'mon, Finn. I can't walk for you."

She looks to see him lock eyes with Sam. He gives a little, jerky wave and Sam nods in return, his expression and posture tense. "I don't think I can do this-"

"Yes, you can" she says firmly. "He's just as nervous as you are. You'll be great, Finn...just speak from the heart. I _believe _in you."

She feels his heart pounding as they approach Sam once again. Sensing how wobbly Finn is, she sends Sam a smile and motions for one second. She drags Finn to the side. "I think I'm gonna faint" he breathes.

"Why are you so scared?" she asks gently.

"Because I really screwed Sam over" he answers. "I messed up with you _so_ bad and I'm _so_ lucky you're even_ looking_ at me. You're _so_ amazing and forgiving. But what if Sam _can't _forgive me? I embarrassed him and betrayed his trust. I've never had to apologize and ask for forgiveness like this before. You've always been so kind and I was a douche and didn't even say sorry. I'm not used to this. And Sam's a really good friend. I don't want to mess this up because he's_ your_ friend, too."

She allows him to catch his breath before taking his face between her hands. "Just_ tell_ him that" she says. "He's a really good guy. He's going to understand. You can do this, Finn. I _know_ you can."

He inhales shakily before nodding. "Okay. Okay...I can do this."

"Of course you can...you're Finn Hudson: 2.0."

He smiles brightly. "Thank you, Rach."

She nods, pulling him back to where Sam stands, watching them in amusement. "You okay?"

Finn opens and closes his mouth helplessly, staring blankly at Sam. "We're fine" she answers for him, giving his bicep a squeeze while mouthing a 'relax'. "Aren't we, Finn?"

"We're fine" he squeaks and Sam's smirk grows.

"Alright then" she says conversationally. "So...Finn has some things to say." She looks at him. "Would you like to start?"

Finn nods, holding tight to her hand for a moment before sighing. "I...I...I...I..." He clears his throat, shaking his head and internally scolding himself. "I'm _so_ sorry, man" he chokes out and she can tell he's about to go on a mad ramble. "I screwed you over _so_ bad and I regret it _so_ much. There's no excuse. I was selfish and mean and I hate that I betrayed you. I was a total ass. But you've gotta know that I'm not like that anymore. I've changed and I know that you can't trust me and I don't blame you but you're still my bro. And I got your back from now on. I won't screw you over again. You gotta know you're _way_ too good for Quinn, man. She was wrong to do that to you...you don't deserve it and you did nothing wrong. She was stupid and mean. And it's my fault, too. I was such a douche. But you're worth a _lot_ more than that. And I know that it hurts really bad right now but you've got to be happy and move on. Leave her behind because she's not worth the pain. You're too good for it. And-and-and-and..."

He falls silent, his thoughts jumbled as he desperately tries to form an articulate sentence. He's finally cut off when Sam claps his shoulder with a chuckle. "Chill, dude" he says with a smile. "I get it."

"I'm _really_ sorry" Finn repeats sadly. "Like _really_ sorry."

"I know you are" Sam laughs. "And we're cool. Thanks, Finn. It really means a lot."

"Really?" he asks hopefully.

"Yah." Sam offers a hand and Finn takes it happily, pulling in for a "guy hug". She watches with a beam, releasing a silent sigh of relief.

"Hooray! You guys are good again!" she exclaims. "Thank goodness!"

"Come here, you" Finn says with a laugh. "Group hug."

The two boys envelope her and she giggles loudly, feeling a giant weight lifted off her shoulders. "Thanks for everything, you guys" Sam says gratefully. "I really needed that."

"You deserve nothing but the best" she says, patting his shoulder. "And this is the first step to getting there. You're on your way. Just like I am."

He smiles authentically. "You know for the first time in a while, I actually believe that."

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_"Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

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_And I will try to fix you..."_

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**AN#2: **Yay for progress! Song credit was "Fix You" by Coldplay...awesome song.

Get ready for some girl talk next chapter :)

THANKS FOR READING AND PLEASE REVIEW! LOVE TO ALL!


	15. Raise Your Glass

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Hiya! Thanks for all the support...you guys make me smile :) ENJOY! The dance is coming up and I personally love this chapter!

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_"So if you're too school for cool,_

_And you're treated like a fool..."_

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"I can't feel my legs" she groans, collapsing into a seat. "I didn't know shopping could be that tiring."

Kurt chuckles, reaching across the table and patting her hand. "You'll get used to it."

After Finn and Sam's brotherly reunion, her day had been a flurry of events. She was pulled in several different directions; Mercedes and Tina gabbing about stores to visit at the mall, Finn smiling affectionately at her every time she caught him staring and making her feel fuzzy, Sam and Artie asking about what food they should have at the party and the rest of the Club providing background noise to confuse her further. It was a tad overwhelming but exciting nonetheless.

Now she sits at a table in the food court at the local mall, her legs burning from Mercedes, Tina and Kurt dragging her around from store to store while she waits for the girls to bring them back Booster Juice. Tina already purchased her dress while she and Mercedes had yet to find the perfect one. But it seems like they've checked every store.

Even though she's exhausted beyond belief, she's enjoying herself immensely.

"We should go to Macy's after this" Kurt declares distantly. "They're bound to have something gorgeous. Maybe even-"

"It's hopeless, Kurt" she sighs dramatically, smirking.

He laughs as Mercedes and Tina return with their drinks. "We are _so _going to Macy's" Mercedes says as Kurt gets to his feet. She's stays put, mouth agape. "C'mon, Baby Barbara. Let's go."

"You can't be serious" she says with a disbelieving laugh. "I haven't even taken a sip yet!"

"Drink it on the way, darling" Kurt says with a light shrug. "We're finding the perfect dress."

"But-"

"It's good exercise" Tina interrupts, taking her hand and dragging her to her feet. "Come on!"

"Fine" she grumbles in amusement. "I'll go."

They all laugh as they begin their trek, her legs beginning to ache again as she trudges. "So" Kurt begins conversationally, interest layering his tone. "Do we have any relationship dish? I'm bone dry."

"Well Mike and I are great" Tina says happily. "I'm so excited to finally go to a dance with him."

"I'm just happy to be going with everybody" Mercedes chimes in. "I've always been so scared to go to these things and now...it's gonna be awesome!" She pauses, eying her. "How 'bout you, hot mama? Got any dish?"

She blushes deeply, biting her lip and averting her gaze. "No" she drawls with a girlish giggle.

"Sure" Kurt says sarcastically, linking arms with her. "Then why does my stepbrother come home singing love songs?"

"Does he really?" she asks, giddy.

"One time he came and started slow-dancing with me."

She laughs loudly. "He's so adorable."

"Mmm-hmm" Kurt mutters in amusement. "So what's going on with you two? I can barely get Finn to tell me through his lovestruck haze."

"Nothing" she mumbles with a smile.

"Oh, come on, girl" Mercedes presses with a large grin. "We're not blind." She turns to Kurt. "Their flirting is on _fire_."

"Really" Kurt drones teasingly. "Tell me more."

"Nothing" she insists airily.

"Please" Tina scoffs, nudging her. "You don't have to lie to us...we won't say a peep."

She hesitates for a moment, fighting a beam. "Fine" she huffs lightheartedly. "I...I...I think I'm falling in love with him all over again. I've never felt this way before. Like...I really loved the old him because he did make me happy but he's changed. He's still adorable and bumbling and awkward but he's mature and so much more genuine now. He's a _man_. He's a new Finn. And I'm falling _so_ much harder for the new Finn. But I have to let go of the old one. He's still there but he's not inconsiderate or selfish or disloyal anymore. But in a sense, I still love him. He _crushed_ me. But in order to move on with the new Finn, I have to get over the old one. Does that make sense?"

Kurt puts a hand over his heart with a delightful sigh. "You two are _so _perfect together."

Her face enflames as she ducks her head again. "I think so."

"Oh, my gosh you guys should go to the dance together" Tina exclaims, grabbing her arm.

"W-what?" she asks shocked. "I-I...I don't know if I'm ready for that..."

"Puh-_leeze_" Mercedes snickers. "You just said you were falling hard for him...so go for it!"

"B-but...I promised myself that I wouldn't jump into anything-"

"This isn't jumping into anything" Kurt argues. "This is baby steps. Let yourself be happy, darling. Trust your gut!"

"Umm..." She hesitates for a moment, deliberating. She does really want to go with him. But she's scared. "He won't ask me though..."

"Why not?"

"He doesn't want to pressure me" she replies quietly. "I told him baby steps so he's respecting my wishes."

"Then you ask him" Mercedes suggests.

"But-"

"No more excuses" Tina interrupts. "Just go with it. You want to go with him, right?"

"Well...yes. But-"

"And you know that you have to pursue it and make a move, correct?"

"Yes...b-"

"And you know he loves you and want to go with you, right?"

"I think so-"

"Then do it!" Kurt presses excitedly. "Get on that phone of yours and just do it!"

"But don't you think I should do it in person?" she inquires quickly. "I-"

"It won't matter" Mercedes cuts off. "You can do this. This is your time to shine, girl. Go after it!"

Kurt and Tina murmur in agreement and she bites her lip, thinking. They're right. She needs to get out of her own way. She told Sam to pursue happiness and it's time she followed her own advice.

"Okay" she agrees determinedly. "I'm going for it."

They all cheer as she pulls out her cell phone and with a deep breath, selects his name in her contacts. Holding the phone to her ear, she listens intently to the ring as Kurt, Mercedes and Tina all crowd around, eavesdropping. She rolls her eyes at them, trying to organize her thoughts.

"Hello?"

She releases the breath she's been holding. "Hey, Finn."

"Oh, hey Rach" he greets, his tone brightening. "What's up?"

"Nothing much really...how about you?"

"Nothing" he echoes idly. "Aren't you at the mall right now?"

"Yah" she answers lightly. "We're shopping for dresses."

"Oh, cool...have you found one yet?"

"No" she responds sadly. "I'm losing hope."

His laugh makes her heart skip a beat. "Don't give up yet! I bet Kurt isn't letting you."

"You're right" she giggles.

"Cut the small talk" Mercedes hisses.

"Who was that?" Finn questions in amusement.

"Uh, what? Oh, no one. Just Mercedes."

He chuckles. "Are they listening in?"

"You bet we are, white boy" Mercedes says loudly as she shushes her with a laugh.

"Sorry about that, Finn" she sighs. "They don't know the meaning of _privacy_."

He laughs again. "I know what you mean."

"Just do it already!" Kurt demands.

"Be quiet!" she whispers harshly.

"Huh?"

"Oh, not you Finn. I was talking to Kurt. Just give me a second." She puts her hand over the speaker and frowns. "Be quiet you guys! I can't talk when I'm trying to participate in two conversations!"

"Fine" they all grumble in synchronization.

She glowers playfully at them, signalling for them to be silent before putting the phone back to her ear. "Sorry about that."

"No worries" he assures. "So, what were you saying?"

"Umm...I just wanted to ask you something" she drawls nervously.

"Ask away, gorgeous."

She blushes with a giggle. "Umm...I-I...I...well...I..."

"Do you want to go to the dance with her?" Mercedes asks loudly into the phone.

"MERCEDES!" she growls incredulously.

"She really wants to go with you" Kurt calls.

"KURT!"

"You took too long" Mercedes says with a shrug.

She huffs, face-palming. "Umm...Finn?"

"Yah, Rach?" he inquires affectionately.

"Would you...umm...would you like to accompany to the dance?" she asks shyly.

"Accompany means go with, right?"

"Yes" she breathes with a laugh.

"Then absolutely" he replies eagerly. "B-but...are you sure?"

"I'm positive" she says with relief. "I told Sam to pursue happiness today and I'm finally following my own advice. I can't keep waiting for things to happen...I've got to go after it."

"And she's totally in love with you" Mercedes scoffs.

"_Mercedes_!"

She hears him chuckle on the other end. "I can't wait...and I wanted to ask you but I was kinda nervous 'cause-"

"I understand" she murmurs. "So...it's set then?"

"Awesome" he confirms. "I'll pick you up at 7?"

"Sounds perfect" she says giddily. "I'm so excited."

"Me too" he agrees enthusiastically. "It'll be-"

"Awesome?" she guesses.

"Perfect" he affirms.

She beams with a airy laugh. "Umm...then I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yah" he says dreamily. "I love you, Rach..._so_ much."

"Bye, Finn" she says bashfully and girlishly.

"Bye."

"Umm...bye."

He laughs. "Bye..."

"Just hang up!" Mercedes bellows.

"I'll text you later tonight or call or something" he says, sounding light and excited.

"Definitely" she answers. "Okay, bye.

"Love you."

She giggles adoringly as Mercedes huffs and grabs her phone. "Bye, white boy" she yells before ending the call. "Jeez...I'm scared. This lovey-dovey stuff is already making me sick."

"Me too" Kurt agrees. "But, oh my goodness is it _sweet!_"

"_Too_ sweet" Tina groans in amusement.

She laughs, skipping ahead. "Come on...let's go find a dress! I have a date to impress! That rhymed!"

"Oh no" Kurt grumbles with smirk. "Now I have to deal with two lovestruck fools."

"Joy" Mercedes exclaims sarcastically.

"_Red and yellow, seasons changin' gear_" she sings, ignoring the weird looks from people passing by. "_Giving her all I am, reachin' out with lovin' care_...sing with me! _You know she can feel it, oh yeah, she never has to try_..."

"You're officially insane, darling" Kurt snickers.

"_Goin' on forever, oh yeah, knowin' that's the reason why, she said_...come on! You know the words!"

"We shouldn't have done that" Tina mutters with a smile.

"_Tonite is a wonderful time to fall in love, oh yeah. __Tonite is a wonderful time to fall in love_...let's fall in love!" she laughs twirling. "Would you rather me be miserable?"

"I guess_ tonite is a wonderful time to fall in love_!" Kurt says in a sing-song voice. "Now let's find you that dress...we'll have Finn _drooling_."

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_"You can choose to let it go_

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_We can always, we can always,_

_Party on our own..."_

* * *

**AN#2: **Aww...super cheesy but cute! Song credits were "Raise your Glass" by Pink and "Tonite is a Wonderful Time to Fall in Love" by April Wine...great songs.

THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE REVIEW AND LOVE TO ALL!


	16. Endlessly

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Hi everybody! Sorry for not updating in a while...having a bit of a rough time at school. A lot of the people there aren't so great. Anyways, thanks for all your awesome support! I'm at a tournament on Saturday (I have to get up at 4:30am...blech) so probably won't be able to update then...tomorrow maybe because I'm taking a mental health day haha. Anyways, ENJOY this fluffy chapter! Side note: Comeback wasn't bad...the Finchel part at the end was cute. Except Finn needs to grow the cahonies and admit that he still loves Rachel...Fuinn needs to end! But be positive anyways :D

* * *

________________

_"There's a part of me you'll never know  
The only thing I'll never show..."_

_

* * *

_

"Can I look yet?"

"No."

She huffs, fidgeting nervously.

"Stop moving."

"I can't help it" she groans. "I've been sitting here _forever_."

"Stop being such a drama queen" Kurt chuckles. "And we're almost done. Just count to ten."

"One, two, three-"

"Not _that _fast!"

"_Fine_" she drawls dramatically. "One...two...three...four..."

"You don't have to count out loud, you know" Mercedes mutters in amusement.

"Can I at least open my eyes?" she asks hopefully, attempting to crack one open.

"No!"

She sighs loudly. This is torture.

After another two days full of shameless flirting ("it's eye sex" Puck had hollered) with Finn, she's excited and nervous out of her mind for the dance. Both she and Mercedes found their perfect dresses and she's beginning to regret letting Kurt, Tina and her do her makeup. But it's fun and thrilling.

Finn had been sensational the last two days, boldly saying he loved her in front of whomever he wanted, touching playfully and flirting with her a ton. She feels so good about herself. Finn never flirted with her this way before. It makes her feel sexy.

Realizing that counting to ten was pointless and inaccurate, she thinks back to the one event today that completely decided how sure she was that she loved the new Finn so much more...

**(&)**

"Hey, Rach" he greets idly, leaning against the neighbouring locker casually with a lazy half-smile.

"Hey" she returns with a large smile, closing her locker gently. "So...are you excited for tonight?"

"Beyond excited" he confirms beaming. "I'm really, _really_ happy to be going with you...I'm _so _lucky."

She blushes deeply. "Really?"

"Of course" he answers softly, reaching out and touching her enflamed cheek. She looks up bashfully, watching him as he tenderly cradles her face, looking at her adoringly. His cinnamon eyes burn with a profound love and authenticity that makes her melt as his other hand gently brushes a stray strand away before settling on the other side of her face. A small, loving smile plays on his lips and she feels all air leave her body from the sheer beauty of him. "You have _no_ idea" he breathes.

She can feel his sweet breath fan across her face, making her lips hot and tingly for contact. Her eyes lock with his and she feels an overwhelming flood of butterflies and emotions bubble deep within her stomach. She thinks about kissing him. She wants to see how it feels. If it's different than kissing the old Finn.

Before she can attempt to formulate a response and catch her breath, she feels the familiar splash of slushy cascade onto the two of them, coating them in blue dye. Another one is thrown only at her and she gasps for the breath she lost during the intensity of their moment, the stinging sensation burning her eyes as she wipes it away. The scoffs and comments eliminate any previous feelings of lust for Finn's lips, replacing it with annoyance and irritation. Guilt and worry sets in when she realizes Finn got hit as well and she immediately flinches, waiting for Finn to growl and leave.

She looks through the blur of corn syrup to see Finn's expression and is shocked when he reaches out to touch her face again. "You okay?" he asks in concern she sees that his gaze his solely fixed on her. He didn't get hit too badly, only dripping slightly.

She manages to nod sadly, looking down at her feet in embarrassment. "I'm sorry" she whispers shamefacedly, afraid to look up and meet his eye.

"Why?" he questions, a note of disbelief in his coo.

"I'm sorry that you got subjected to that" she mumbles, refusing to look at him.

He tilts her chin up and her eyes lock with his again and she feels warm to see his eyes glowing with worry and protectiveness. "Don't be sorry, Rach" he murmurs gently. "This isn't your fault. They're idiots...and I don't care. I'm going to be here for you no matter what...I promise."

She feels hope rise in her chest as she smiles timidly. "Really?"

He opens his mouth to answer but is cut off when Karofsky approaches in a swaggering manner. "Oops...sorry, Hudson" he says mockingly. "Thought you were a loser...oh, wait. You _are _one. Hanging out with this drag queen...how long are you going to chase this one? A day? A week? Hump and dump, am I right?" He turns to her while the cronies behind him howl with laughter. "You don't seriously believe he's gonna stay with you, do you? He has ears...he can't put up with your squawking for long..."

Tears well up in her eyes as the jock's harsh words engulf her. She's offended and hurt and mortified beyond belief.

"He's only interested in that big, fat mouth of yours for _one_ reason-"

And then Finn's in front of her, putting her frame behind his protectively. "Don't you _dare_ speak to her like that" he snarls viciously, his voice low and dangerous. She peeks out from behind him to see his face contorted in rage as he glares at Karofsky. "Just shut your mouth and walk away. She's the greatest person in the world and she doesn't deserve any of this shit. If you wanna be a douche and make fun of someone, make fun of me." He takes a step closer to the jock, his voice hard and serious. "_Don't_ do it to her."

Karofsky snickers. "Yah, right...says Mr. Reputation."

"I don't care about it anymore" Finn rumbles.

"Sure" the jock drawls with a snort. "Look...I understand if it's your time of the month, Finnessa-"

"Don't speak to him like that" she barks from behind Finn. "Leave him out of it."

"It's okay, Rach" he assures quietly. "I can take it."

"He's different" she continues, tightening her grip on his bicep. "He's better than all of you. You're all sheep...you're so scared of stepping out of line. He's stronger than that."

Finn reaches and squeezes her hand, placing his other hand on her waist to make sure she's safely behind him. She feels secure and sheltered. It's a great feeling.

"Yah?" Azimio challenges with a smirk. "How many times did he leave you? Are you that obsessed with him? And he left you 'cause no one could ever be able to put up with you for that long...you're just that _awful_. You're a _freak_ who-"

"_Don't talk to her_!" Finn shouts, startling everyone to silence. "She's _perfect_! Just walk away or be jackasses to me...just _leave her alone_!"

"Fine" Azimio concedes with a sneer, backing up with his hands up. Karofsky steps forward and tosses another drink on Finn who takes it without a waver, only closing his eyes and the cup hits him too. "Have it your way. We hope you have fun, Finnessa."

With that, they walk away, all howling with laughter. She turns toward him nervously, reaching out to take his hand, wincing as she expects him to yank it away. She's pleasantly surprised when he wipes his eyes quickly with a small smile, pulling her closer to him and wrapping his arms protectively around her. She freezes before snuggling into his embrace with a content and relieved sigh, mumbling another apology.

"Don't be sorry, gorgeous" he assures softly. "I'd take a billion slushy facials for you. Are you okay?"

She nods as she feels his lips press against the top of her head and she buries her face in his chest, feeling amazing. "Thank you _so_ much, Finn" she whispers gratefully, looking up at him with a beam. He returns it, touching her face tenderly. "You have no idea how much this means to me."

"I wish I had done this before" he says genuinely, disappointment in his tone. "I let you down _so_ much...I hate myself for doing that-"

"That was the past" she interrupts lightly. "And that was the old you."

He smiles with a nod. "You're right."

"I know I am" she declares matter-of-factly as he chuckles.

"You always are" he says with a smirk. Keeping his arm wrapped around her shoulders as he guides her down the hall, she feels like she's walking on air. "Come on...let's get you washed up."

**(&)**

"Rachel? Hello? Are you home?'

"What?" she asks in confusion, sighing blissfully.

"You've been daydreaming for five minutes" Kurt laughs.

"Sorry" she mumbles distantly, smiling dreamily. "I must've dozed off because I was annoyed with your inaccuracy...counting to ten was pointless."

Mercedes rolls her eyes with a smirk. "Sorry we're boring you" she says snickering. "Stop slumping!"

Purposely straightening up to perfection, she sneers teasingly. "Whoops."

Kurt snorts. "So what were you thinking about, huh?"

"Nothing" she replies quickly, her cheeks reddening. "Just...the dance."

"Uh-huh" Tina says sarcastically, returning with the eye shadow. "Whatever you say."

"Ugh" she groans, wanting to change the subject "How much longer?"

"Two minutes" Kurt responds eagerly. "Come on, you're fine."

She mutters something unintelligible, folding her arms across her chest and frowning. "Just think about dancing with white boy" Mercedes advises. "Swaying, holding each other close, being disgusting...and thanking us internally for dedicating out time to making Finn drool..."

She stops listening, lost in the images that flood her mind. Dimly lit, she can see herself winding her arms around his neck as he pulls her close, towering over her. He would look ravishing and angelic in the low lighting, a small smile tugging at his lips as he gazes at her intensely. Music flows around them but she wouldn't be able to hear, too caught up in his embrace. She can picture herself leaning closer, his lips hovering above hers, whispering words of devotion and sealing her drawer of the old Finn for good...

"Rachel!"

"Huh?" she asks disoriented.

"My goodness" Kurt huffs. "You're so out of it. Thankfully, we're done."

She smiles, clapping her hands as they spin her chair around and help her to her feet. "Okay" Mercedes declares finally. "Take a look."

She opens her eyes eagerly, immediately seeing her dazzling reflection, flanked by her beaming friends. She gawks in awe at herself, reaching up and absently touching her cheek, making sure the girl in the mirror copies her. Her chestnut locks flow in soft curls, her bangs twisted back out of her eyes. Her eyelids are a subtle pink, lashes thick over her chocolate irises. Cheeks tinted in a rosy blush and lips coated in a glossy coral over a blinding white smile, she trails her eyes lower. Her pink dress hugs her curves and 'shows off some leg' and she feels beautiful.

"Wow" she murmurs.

"Hot mama, our work here is done" Mercedes says, pulling her in for a brief hug.

"Thank you so much, guys" she says gratefully, her smile bright. "Just...thank you."

"Anytime, darling" Kurt assures, pecking her cheek. "I can't wait to see my stepbrother's face...and the fact that he has to control himself makes it _that_ much better."

They all laugh as Tina checks the time. "Oh, my gosh! It's 6:50! We have to go get ready!"

Mercedes scrambles to get her things. "See you there, girl" Mercedes calls with a wave.

"Thanks again!" she returns, watching as they all depart hastily. Sighing blissfully, she looks back in the mirror and twirls, giggling. She smiles brilliantly, smoothing out her dress. She's so excited. She doesn't feel a suffocating weight on her chest or a constant reminder of her pain. She feels fresh.

The doorbell chiming startles her as she looks toward her door, her heart beginning to pound unevenly. She shakes out of her trance, taking one last look in the mirror before bolting out the door and down the stairs. "I got it!" she shouts to her fathers, hopping down the last step and trying to calm her heavy breathing. "I've got this."

Opening the door with a beam, she's hit with a wave of warmth when she sees him straightening his tie nervously while he clutches a bouquet of roses. He whips his head around to face her and she relishes the sight of his eyes bugging out, trailing down her body. "Hi, Finn" she greets shyly, looking down at her feet as her face gets hot.

He stammers and splutters helplessly, blinking and choking on air and she feels a smile light her face. He's too adorable. She takes his momentary stun to really look at him. His suit is cute and dashing, making him look long and lean and smoking hot. His hair is gelled up perfectly and his cinnamon eyes glow with awe as he ogles.

"You okay?" she questions quietly, looking bashfully up at him.

He manages to nod enthusiastically. "Nuh."

She giggles, taking his hand and pulling him inside. He jerkily hands her the roses. "These are lovely...thank you" she says sweetly. "I'll be just a minute...I have to go get my bag."

He nods again. "Wow."

"Thanks" she laughs, watching as a goofy smile spreads across his lips. "You look quite 'wow' yourself...very handsome, Finn."

He blushes, pursing his lips for a moment to hide a grin. "You..._wow_..." he says again. She's about to pull away when he tightens his grip on her hand, pulling her closer. "You look...you look..._incredible_" he breathes, sliding an arm around her waist. She places her hand on his chest, her heart thumping erratically. She feels his exploding in a sprint as well under her touch. She looks at her hand on his chest and feels his gaze on her, face close to hers. "I wish my vocabulary was bigger."

She chuckles, biting her lip diffidently. "Really?"

"Of course" he coos, holding her closer. "You're perfect."

She then meets his eye, watching as his hand comes up to cradle her face. She finds a burning need to kiss him, wanting to feel his soft full lips on hers. He looks at her intensely and she knows that if she wants to kiss him, she has to initiate it. He's being a gentleman, respecting her request to take it slow. But she's losing control. A wild thirst for him ignites within her and she wraps her fingers around the lapels of his suit, leaning in closer. His pant of anticipation is hot on her lips and she closes her eyes, wanting him closer...

"Hey there, Finn!"

They jump apart in surprise, Finn tripping over his feet and catching himself on the banister, clutching his chest. She turns to glower at her father, Leroy (the big, black intimidating one that scares Finn out of his wits) as he crosses his arms, smiling fictitiously.

"Erm...hi, Mr. Berry" Finn greets politely, reaching out to shake his hand. "You scared me."

"Did I?" Leroy asks innocently and she rolls her eyes.

"Daddy" she whines as her other father, Hiram, scampers into the room. Finn noticeably relaxes.

"Leroy" Hiram groans, pulling on his arm. "Don't interrupt."

"Hi, Mr. Berry" Finn greets with a smile. Hiram adores Finn.

"Oh, hello Finn" he exclaims. "So good to see you!"

"You too" Finn returns with a laugh. "I was just getting ready to take Rach to the dance."

"I could see that" Leroy mutters as Hiram nudges him with a scoff.

"Excuse my ridiculous partner" Hiram says sarcastically. "It's so nice to see you around here again, Finn. How are you?"

"I'm great" Finn answers happily. "Very lucky to have another chance with your daughter."

"You sure are" Leroy grumbles and she slaps his arm playfully.

"Daddy" she huffs. "Don't scare Finn."

After another solid glare at Finn, her dad sighs. "Fine."

"Thank you" she says simply, grabbing her jacket. "Alright...ready to go?"

"Yep" he replies excitedly. "Have a good night, Mr. and Mr. Berry!"

"Call me Hiram!"

Finn laughs. "Will do...Hiram and Le-"

"Call me Mr. Berry."

He shifts uncomfortably. "Okay...goodnight, Mr. Berry and Hiram."

"Have her back by nine."

"_Daddy_!"

"Fine" Leroy concedes. "Have her back by ten."

"Midnight is fine" Hiram assures with a wink. "Have fun you two!"

"We will" she says brightly.

After saying her goodbyes to her fathers, they slip out into the brisk February evening. "Sorry about that" she murmurs with a breathed laugh.

"No worries" he assures, taking her duffle bag with sweatpants for the party and slinging it over his shoulder.

After a moment of deliberation, she interlaces their fingers. "I'm really excited" she says softly.

"Me too" he agrees genuinely, bringing her hand up to his mouth to kiss the back of it. She blushes deeply, his lips gently caressing her knuckles. She adores him.

He opens the door for her and wastes no time to interweave their fingers once again when he's in the car. "I love you, Rach" he coos, making her chest swell. His eyes burn with meaning and authenticity as he squeezes her hand. "More than life."

She snuggles closer to him, kissing his cheek and revelling in his beam, her bruised heart soaring.

* * *

________________

_"Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly  
Hopelessly I'll give you everything  
But I won't give you up  
I won't let you down  
And I won't leave you falling  
If the moment ever comes..."_

* * *

**AN#2: **Awww soo cute Finchel! Super long chapter too!

Song credit was "Endlessly" by Muse...funky song :P

GET READY FOR THE DANCE NEXT CHAPTER!

THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE REVIEW AND LOVE TO ALL!


	17. Back To December

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Hey y'all! HERE'S THE DANCE! ENJOY!

She grips his bicep and laughs wholeheartedly as they approach the McKinley high gym, flirting and chatting idly. Excitement bubbles in her stomach as they draw closer, the thump of music getting louder.

"Are you ready?" he asks with a large smile.

"Born ready" she replies looking up at him. "Thank you for taking me, Finn...I can't remember the last time I was this happy."

He turns toward her, stopping with a soft smile playing on his lips, his cinnamon eyes warm. "Me neither" he coos, making her breath catch in her throat. Taking her hands, he bends slightly to meet her eye level. "I _love_ you. Never, ever forget that okay? You're my_ life_, Rach. And I'm so lucky to be here with you."

She beams, squeezing his hands. "You're amazing."

He rolls his eyes playfully. "I'm not that great..."

Laughing, she reaches up and pecks his cheek. "You're adorable."

"Aw, shucks" he mumbles bashfully. She giggles again. He leans down, slipping his arms around her waist slowly and she swears she loses consciousness for a second. His warm breath tickles her ear and she is enveloped by his sweet scent, tempted to drag him away and smother him with kisses. "Did I mention you look absolutely gorgeous?" he questions huskily, making a shiver shoot down her spine. "You're so beautiful, Rachel...and smoking hot..."

She grips his shoulders, her knees buckling as she gasps for breath, the intensity making a need for him burn within her. Whimpering when she feels him groan softly in her ear, practically a purr when she presses her body tighter to his, she feels like she's about to explode. She's never felt so sexy. And wanted. And he's too gorgeous for words.

"Finn" she whispers, her voice a squeaky plea in his ear.

"Yah?" he asks hushed, arms holding her closer.

"I-I-I-I..." She's stammering and struggling for words, wanting him to just read her mind. She can't formulate a full sentence. She wants to tell him she loves him more than anything, how thankful she is for him and how much she wants to feel his lips on hers. She's scared...scared of the unknown. But she's never felt so secure with him. And she thinks she might be learning to trust him again.

"What do you need, Rach?" he inquires, pulling back and looking her in the eye. His face is so close again and she's overwhelmed by his beauty. "Anything."

She pauses, admiring him as he strokes her cheek gently. "You make me feel beautiful, Finn" she says because it's all she can manage to get out. His eyebrows quirk upwards in surprise as she runs her hand down his chest and he releases a low hum of pleasure. "Thank you...that's what I've wanted for so long...to feel beautiful and wanted in that way. _Thank you_...I-I-I...oh, Finn..."

He chuckles, pulling her into his chest and hugging her. She cuddles into the fabric of his dress shirt, relishing in the feel of his lips pressing against her hair, whispering his love for her. He coaxes her down from the energy pulsating inside her and she finally pulls back with an emotionally breathed: "thank you, Finn."

"Anytime, Rach" he murmurs authentically, sending her his famous lop-sided smile. "You deserve to know how beautiful you are every day."

She grins at him and she decides that she's going for it. Snaking her arms and winding them around his neck, she holds his gaze and leans in closer, lips hovering near his and she can her his breath quicken. With half-lidded eyes, he looks down at her, searching for signs of discomfort but she only inches toward his lips, eyes slipping closed. Her lips tingle with need.

"Hey, you two-whoops!"

She whips her head around in surprise, seeing Artie, Brittany, Mike, Tina and Mercedes. Artie looks amused, Mike looks awkward, Brittany looks blank (as usual) and Tina and Mercedes look smug. Finn groans quietly in impatience. "Erm...hey guys" she greets sheepishly.

Artie bites his lip, shaking with silent laughter. "Sorry to interrupt."

"It's fine" she assures hastily with an embarrassed smile. "You guys look great."

"You guys can go in" Finn says offhandedly, a note of annoyance in his tone. "We'll catch up."

"Oh, come on Lover Boy" Artie laughs, waving his hand. "We all gotta go in together."

She purses her lips, fighting a giggle as Finn glowers irritatedly at Artie. "Rach and I still need to talk privately-"

Mike snorts. "Uh-huh...we can wait."

She sighs dramatically, taking Finn's hand as he pouts. "Fine."

They all smirk and open the door to the gym, snickering quietly. While they're distracted, she reaches up to whisper in his ear. "We have time."

He shivers in delight, a smile lighting his flawless face. She places a kiss on the spot behind his ear before skipping ahead with the girls while the boys hang back and begin a conversation with him. She doesn't care that she's teasing. It'll be worth it. She looks back to see his dreamy, dazed expression while Mike and Artie scoff. Sending him a wink and relishing in his goofy grin, she feels her arms being linked with Tina and Mercedes'. "Well, well, well" Mercedes drawls smugly. "What was that, huh?"

"Nothing" she answers with a girlish giggle.

"Mmm-hmm" Tina says sarcastically. "That didn't look like nothing."

She blushes deeply. "What can I say? He's irresistible."

Mercedes and Tina grumble as she laughs. "Finchel is back with a vengeance."

"You bet" she mumbles, chancing another glance at him. They enter the gym and 'We R Who We R' blares, enveloping her. She scans the gym in awe, the lights dimmed, tables clustered around the brightened dance floor where students crowd. The DJ booth sits off to the side with the kids who are too embarrassed to go dance or have no dates. "Wow."

"I know" Mercedes says excitedly.

"There's the rest of the guys" Tina calls over the music, pointing toward the table where Puck, Sam, Quinn, Santana and Lauren sit. Sam looks beyond awkward while Quinn fidgets and Puck flirts with Lauren. Santana scours the gym with her eyes, looking for a new prey but occasionally glares at Puck and Lauren.

Tina grabs Mike's hand and Brittany wheels Artie over while Mercedes sends her a knowing look before joining them. She pauses, biting her lip shyly as Finn interweaves their fingers, smiling down at her. "Ready?"

"Yah" she answers with a beam, squeezing his fingers while he kisses her cheek -dangerously close to her mouth and making the fire burn hotter. He pulls back with a sexy smirk when she whimpers gently and she almost wants to smack him for teasing.

They approach the table and greet everyone politely, Finn pulling out a seat for her. "Do you want some punch?"

"Is it spiked?" she asks worriedly.

"Not yet" Puck answers with a leer.

"Then yes, please." Finn nods with a smile, kissing her hair and bumping fists with Sam who sits beside her before striding toward the punch bowl with Mike. She watches him go for a lingering moment before turning to Sam. "Hey."

"Thank God you're here" he murmurs. "Can you say awkward much?"

She chuckles sympathetically. "That sucks."

He shrugs. "It's getting better" he says, waving his hand dismissively. "And it makes it better that she's too ashamed to try anything." He pauses then, wrinkling his nose with a knowing grin. "You and Finn seem..._close_."

"Shut up" she laughs, nudging him playfully. "But yah...we are."

He smiles genuinely. "That's great."

"It is" she agrees softly as Finn returns with the punch, placing one in front of her before taking a seat. She thanks him, her breath quickening once again when she feels his hand on her knee. Chancing a glance at him to see a smug but eager expression, she resists the urge to smack him, a blush enflaming her cheeks instead.

She's barely taken a sip if her punch before Mercedes is taking her hand, dragging her to her feet. "Come on" she calls over 'Born this way'. "We're going dancing!"

"Sounds good to me" Tina declares as Brittany joins them.

She doesn't get the chance to answer, already being pulled away. "Are you guys coming?" Mercedes asks the guys who stay seated.

"Puckasaurus is warming up, ladies" Puck says, taking another sip of his punch.

"We'll join you later" Mike reiterates, gesturing for them to go on.

She looks at Finn who sends her a breathtaking smile and a wink and she finds herself giggling like a lovestruck fool (because she is one) while the girls tug her away and Finn watches affectionately. "Wake up, girl" Mercedes hollers, turning her to face the dance floor.

She laughs, beginning to jump and sing along with the music and the girls, trying not to feel too bitter with Quinn and Santana there as well.

But nonetheless, she feels pretty damn good.

**(&)**

She feels a pair of strong, familiar arms wind around her waist from behind and she immediately smiles, spinning around to face his beam. "Hey, you" she greets over the music.

"Hey, you" he returns in a flirty tone.

"Where've you been for the last three songs?" she asks curiously.

"Talking with the guys" he replies nonchalantly. "And watching you."

Her heart skips a beat. "Oh, really?"

"Yup." He leans down, breath tickling her ear again. "You look gorgeous out here."

She bites her lip as a warm feeling grows in her stomach. "Aw, shucks."

He laughs but it quickly melts, the atmosphere changing as the opening notes of 'Back to December' float around them. Looking down at her feet, she swallows thickly as they stand awkwardly in the middle of the dance floor while couples begin to sway. The irony is sickening.

_"I'm so glad you made time to see me_  
_How's life? Tell me how's your family_  
_I haven't seen them in a while_  
_You've been good, busier than ever_  
_We small talk, work and the weather..."_

Her chin being tilted up and her eyes meeting his, she doesn't care that she's showing him her vulnerability. "Can I have this dance?" he coos.

She can only manage to nod, allowing him to take her hand and wind one arm around her waist, pulling her closer. She places her hand on his shoulder, looking down at his tie as she feels him squeeze their interlaced fingers, wanting her to meet his eye.

_"Your guard is up and I know why_  
_Because the last time you saw me_

_Is still burned in the back of your mind_  
_You gave me roses and I left them there to die_

_"So this is me swallowing my pride_  
_Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night",_  
_And I go back to December all the time..."_

Fighting the tears that are on the horizon, she tries to push away the memories of their relationship. Memories that she thought defined her but only crushed her further. Their love that scarred her. Loving him irrevocably and being loved minimally.

_"It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you_  
_Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine_  
_I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right_  
_I go back to December all the time..."_

She's surprised when she feels his breath in her ear again, his smooth and honest voice like a purr in her ear, making shivers vibrate down her spine.

_"These days I haven't been sleeping_  
_Staying up playing back myself leavin'_  
_When your birthday passed and I didn't call_  
_And I think about summer, all the beautiful times_  
_I watched you laughing from the passenger side_  
_Realized that I loved you in the fall..."_

He sings the words softly and she feels a wave of warmth wash over her. Her legs feel weak, knees buckling and arms going slack from the intensity of the moment and he holds her tighter, fearing that she might leave. She blinks rapidly, a tear slipping from her eye as they sway in tune with the music.

Suddenly, no one else is there.

_"And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind  
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was 'Goodbye'..."_

His voice is the only thing keeping her from succumbing to sobs because she can feel her grip on the old Finn loosening. The new Finn is holding her close, making her feel so loved and helping her say goodbye. Because he loves her more than it's possible. Because he would never leave her.

The old Finn is yesterday. The new Finn is today and for the rest of her life.

_"So this is me swallowing my pride_  
_Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night"_  
_And I go back to December all the time_  
_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you_  
_Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine_  
_I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind_  
_I go back to December all the time..."_

She knows the old Finn did love her. But he was too immature to understand the depth of it. And truly cherish what he had. Petty jealousy, possessiveness, wandering eye, manipulation: he never understood how much she gave him. He was so fixated on her mistake because he didn't believe that she was in a dark place. He thought she was like Quinn when he should've known different.

But the new Finn does. He loves her the way she deserves. He cherishes everything she gives. And he gives her everything. He's forgiving, loving and understanding.

He's apologizing for everything he didn't do. For the damage the old Finn caused.

_"I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right_  
_And how you held me in your arms that September night_  
_The first time you ever saw me cry_

_"Maybe this is wishful thinking,_  
_Probably mindless dreaming,_  
_But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right..." _

He whispers the last part and she looks up at him for the first time since the song began, melting under his gaze. His eyes burn with devoted, doting and endless love for her and an intensity that flows to her soul.

And then suddenly, everything changes.

It feels like she can breathe again. Her heart beats evenly, her head stops hurting and she doesn't feel a suffocating weight on her chest anymore. When she thinks about her relationship with the old Finn, she feels like she's let go. She doesn't _want_ him anymore. She doesn't _need _him anymore. A part of her believes she'll always love him in a sense but never like she used to.

But now, she knows she _wants, needs_ and _loves_ the new Finn like never before. She's loves him more than anything in the universe. She's in love with him. He's her best friend, her rock, her heart, her soul, her life and her haven.

She's moved on.

_"I'd go back in time and change it but I can't_  
_So if the chain is on your door I understand..."_

Looking up at him, she weaves her fingers through his hair as he falls silent, eyes locked with hers and she can tell he's curious and worried. Closing her eyes, she leans up and captures his lips in a divine kiss. She knows he's surprised but it quickly fades into joy as his lips mould against hers.

A sweltering and incredible heat burns within her when she feels his soft, full lips open to hers and she can't believe how amazing it feels. It's everlasting and so true and she feels unadulterated happiness pulsate through her.

She's home.

_"But this is me swallowing my pride_  
_Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night"_  
_And I go back to December..."_

When oxygen becomes a necessity, they break apart and he rests his forehead against hers, the brightest and most beautiful smile she's ever seen lighting his face. She mirrors it, the emotion of the situation finally flooding over. A laugh escapes her lips as she clings tighter to him, pressing her face against his chest as they sway. His heart pounds under her touch and she closes her eyes, feeling centred and blissful.

She can feel him hold her closer and she knows tears are falling from his eyes too.

_"It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,_

_Wishing I'd realize what I had when you were mine._  
_I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right_  
_I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind_

_"I go back to December all the time_

_All the time."_

* * *

**AN#2:** awwww so sweet, eh? Song credit was 'Back to December' by Taylor Swift...perfect fit.

THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE REVIEW AND LOVE TO ALL!


	18. Chasing Cars

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Hello people! Thanks for all your support! Loving it! Anyways, so sorry I didn't update for a while...shame on me! But thank you SO much for sticking with me. Umm...loving this story but just know it is NOT over! There's still some stuff that I wanna put in here :) And if you read my AN#2, I have an idea for another story but I need YOUR opinion...NOTE: that story (if I end up writing it) will be posted AFTER this one is COMPLETELY done. okay? okay! haha anyways ENJOY! side note: don't you just LOVE the original songs for regionals! AMAZING!

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________________________________

"All that I am

________________

_All that I ever was_

_Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see..."_

_

* * *

_

'Back to December' ends but she remains locked in his embrace, swaying slowly even though the song has changed to an upbeat 'Tonight I'm Lovin' You'. She relishes in the feel of him so close to her, her head still reeling from their kiss. It was explosive but lingering. Something that lasts forever.

She looks up at him finally and her breath catches in her throat from the sheer beauty of him. His expression is joyous and peaceful, a soft beam on his lips.

She gets lost in his cinnamon eyes, glazed with tears and shining with a new sense of belonging. It's been too long since they kissed. But the feeling is even stronger than before. It's a deep, sweltering and perfect burn that takes over her entire body. It's so right.

His smile is infectious and she returns it wholeheartedly, another relieved and delighted laugh leaving her lips. She wants to drag him away and kiss him harder and hotter...

"Break it up" Mercedes calls in amusement, stepping between them. She doesn't take her eyes off him but is too blissful and dreamy to fight Mercedes who is pulling her away.

Seeing him shake with laughter, she begins to protest, wanting to kiss him even more. "Wait, Mercedes...I-me-we-Finn...need to kiss...Finn...no...too far..._Mercedes_!"

Mercedes scoffs, rolling her eyes. "We're leaving soon...and you need to spend some time with us."

She stammers some more, gesturing back to Finn who watches her with a large, goofy, dazed smile while Sam and Puck try to gain his attention. She blushes deeply, struggling against Mercedes' grip. "I spent twenty minutes with you" she huffs. "I only spent five with him!"

Her friends snickers. "Just think how much better the moments will be when you're all alone" she says as they approach Tina, Quinn and Brittany who are dancing and laughing. "And the anticipation for those moments will kill him...it'll be _hilarious_! Oh, and good for you."

She glowers playfully at Mercedes as Tina grabs her arm. "That was so _cute_!" she exclaims excitedly. "How'd it feel?"

"It felt...beyond words...the best feeling in the entire world" she says softly, smiling. "It felt _so_ right."

The girls 'aw' and she reddens again, turning to see the rest of the group join them. Finn begins to walk toward her but is stopped when Mercedes grabs his arm, dancing with him instead as he laughs. He's so sweet. She dances with Sam, laughing along with the group as Mike and Artie steal the show with their moves as she continues to steal glances with Finn.

What a night.

**(&)**

'Who Dat Girl' ends and she giggles as Finn twirls her around. She's actually tired from all the dancing but it's a completely content exhaustion. Finn grins at her and she pulls him in for a hug, unable to resist.

After dancing for a good forty-five minutes, she's never had so much fun. She's danced with practically everyone, even singing along to 'Only Girl' with Quinn which shocked her more than anyone. Sam's been in a great mood which she's overjoyed to see and she has a feeling that he'll end up having a conversation with Quinn at the party. Finn's been amazing as well and even though she hasn't gotten the chance to kiss him again, the anticipation is making it even better.

Mercedes taps her shoulder and shouts over the music that they're leaving now. She nods and tells her they'll see them there before turning back to Finn with a beam. "Come on" she calls, grabbing his hand and interlacing their fingers as they weave through the crowd. The dance is in full swing, the punch spiked, the students rowdy and the dance floor packed. She palms open the doors and is relieved to be ridded of the stuffy air of the gym. "Man, it's hot in there."

"I know" he groans, fanning himself with his free hand.

"You ready to go?" she asks, reaching up to straighten his collar and tie. Old habit. He smiles at her as she bites her lip with a shrug.

"Yep."

She's about to take his hand again when he places his hands on her hips, making her thoughts jumble. "That was really awesome."

She can only manage to nod in agreement, winding her arms around his neck, playing with his hair idly. "I had a lot of fun."

"Me too" he coos authentically. "Listen...I just wanna tell you something." She nods as an encouragement, pressing herself closer to him. "I-"

Their moment is interrupted yet again by Artie wheeling his way between them. "Let's go, lovebirds" he commands, Brittany laughing on his lap. "Time for that later."

Finn groans in annoyance and she chuckles, lacing their fingers together again. He sends her a smile as they begin to walk, feeling centred with him so close. He seems to be organizing his thoughts, his brow furrowed as his jaw shifts. It's absolutely adorable. She squeezes his hand gently and he looks down at her affectionately, leading her to his car.

When she's in and buckled up, he gets in as well and sighs. "What's on your mind?" she murmurs, touching his arm in concern.

"Well before we were interrupted for the billionth time" he begins, looking at her hand on his arm. Taking a deep breath, he meets her eye. "I wanted to say something. I-I don't know what you felt when we kissed but you have to know that I felt..._so_ much. It felt like...like...like coming home, you know? It felt really, really_ right_. It was this...this really _deep_ feeling. More than fireworks or whatever people say. It was this...this..._really awesome_ feeling in the pit of my stomach. I felt, like, _complete_. It's too hard to say in words." He pauses, pursing his lips. "Am I making any sense?"

She nods, speechless.

"But the thing is" he continues. "You don't have to think this is me giving you an...umm...an...uh...ul-ultimate...ultimation? Erm..."

"An ultimatum" she supplies softly.

"Yah! Right...that's it. An ultimatum. This isn't me giving you an ultimatum. Just because we kissed doesn't mean I'm gonna force you into being with me. You can still take all the time you want 'cause I'll wait for you forever." He takes her hand, kissing the back of it. "Don't feel like you have to be with me. I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you. I love you, Rach...more than life. Always remember that, okay?" She feels a warmth spread deeper in her heart. "And you don't have to say anything now. Actually...I'd kinda prefer you don't 'cause I don't wanna go into this party either high on excitement that you felt something, too and I end up doing something stupid like crashing the car or something worse or kinda bummed 'cause I'm reminded of how much of a jackass I was. And I want it to be _really_ special, you know? 'Cause you deserve that kind of awesomeness."

She nods again. She loves him more than she can fathom. "Awesome" he says contently on his exhale, jamming the key into the ignition.

"Can I still snuggle with you?" she asks shyly.

He beams. "Yes, please."

She giggles, slithering her arm through his, interweaving their fingers and leaning her head to rest on his shoulder. He kisses her hair gently, murmuring another 'I love you, gorgeous' before they fall into comfortable conversation about the dance, sharing laughs and flirty moments. She feels incredible.

When they reach Tina's house, she reaches up and kisses his jaw, nuzzling the place behind his ear for a moment before pulling back with a smirk while he groans softly, swallowing hard. She hops out of the car and he takes both of their bags, sliding his free arm around her shoulders and pulling her tight to him. "You ready for this?" he questions, grinning.

"Of course."

They laugh together as Tina ushers them in the second they reach the first step to the patio. Mercedes grabs her bag from Finn and she holds tight to his hand, getting pried apart by Kurt and Blaine and dragged upstairs. She sends Finn and apologetic smile but loses sight of him when he's ambushed by Puck and Artie, telling him to change out of his suit so they can start pigging out.

Once they reach Tina's room, she sighs blissfully, collapsing on the bed with a beam. "My goodness, someone looks lovestruck" Kurt observes playfully.

"Someone is lovestruck" she says in a sing-song voice.

"What happened?" Blaine inquires curiously.

"Finchel locked lips while slow dancing to 'Back to December' by T-Swift" Mercedes explained. "It was actually really adorable."

The chorus of catcalls and 'that's so cute' begins and she rolls her eyes, a blush enflaming her cheeks. She practically sprints to the bathroom, wanting to change quickly so she can get back to_ him_.

**(&)**

She prances down the stairs, laughing with Kurt about the latest gossip around McKinley before turning her attention to the guys who are lounging languidly on the couch, scoffing and tormenting each other. Finn looks up and she bites her lip bashfully, tucking a stray strand behind her ear. Smoothing out her white tank top with a pink heart in the middle, she loves feeling comfy in her sweats, being able to just relax with everyone.

Finn beams at her and she takes a moment to look at him. He's clad in a simple grey t-shirt and black sweatpants, his hair sticking up a bit more from her fingers. She loves seeing him in a suit but this is just as amazing. He takes her hand as she descends the last step, kissing her cheek. "You look gorgeous" he breathes in her ear, making her shiver in delight.

"So do you" she whispers in return, making him grin as they take a seat on the floor, his hand in her lap.

"What do you guys wanna do?" Tina asks. "Anything but something including alcohol."

Puck groans loudly as the group laughs. "To be honest, I'm exhausted" Mercedes says, leaning into Kurt. "Do you wanna just have a movie marathon."

Everyone murmurs in agreement as Kurt, Quinn and Brittany get up to select a movie. Puck and Mike move the coffee table to the side to make more room and Tina turns on the TV. "Can someone go make popcorn and get the snacks?" Tina calls.

"I got it" she volunteers, getting to her feet.

"And I'll help" Finn offers, standing as well. They slip into the kitchen and she grabs the popcorn from the cabinet, tearing the wrapper and popping it in the microwave. He snatches the Sour Patch Kids, Milk Duds and chips, getting bowls out. Hopping up onto the counter, she watches him, eyes tracing his gorgeous 6'3 frame. A burning need to feel him close returns. It's scorching and overwhelming and she swallows hard, licking her lips. He really is too hot for his own good.

He turns to face her, leaning back against the island casually with a sexy half-smile, oblivious to her need for him. She gulps again, chewing on her lip. "I'm starving" he admits with a chuckle.

She's so distracted by his ruffled hair and the way his lips are quirked that she barely registers what she's saying. "Kiss me."

He freezes, his cinnamon eyes widening and she internally face-palms, feeling stupid. "Sorry, it just slipped out. I-I..." She trails off, looking down sheepishly.

She's pleasantly surprised to feel him close the space between them, settling between her legs and placing his hands on the counter on either side of her hips. Her breath quickens as she looks up to meet his lustful yet loving eyes as he leans in closer, waiting for her to return. She meets his lips tenderly, eyes slipping closed as she wraps her arms around his neck. The feeling returns, a bottomless sweltering and perfect feeling -coming home- consuming her again as he deepens the kiss, moulding his lips to hers. She opens her mouth willingly to his, whimpering softly when she feels his hand on her thigh and his tongue sweep her bottom lip. He hums quietly when she allows him access to her tongue and an even hotter fire ignites in her veins, her pulse racing and her stomach erupting into butterflies.

They break for air and she takes the moment to raggedly breathe: "I feel _so_ much when I kiss you Finn...it's coming home."

He kisses her again, firmer and with more passion, devouring her mouth with his. She nips his lip and relishes in his soft groan of approval, sliding one hand down down his neck and shoulder blades, trailing down his spine. Her hand finds it's way under his t-shirt, caressing his lower back as her blood sets on fire from the contact. She wants to feel more skin...feel more of_ him_. She moves her hand to his torso, tracing his abs with her index finger as he moans, lips moving down to her jaw. She pants, forgetting her name, where she is, only feeling Finn. All she's ever wanted.

"You're perfect" she whispers truthfully, running her hand over his delicious body. "You're absolutely _perfect_, Finn."

He attempts to formulate a response against her pulse point, his warm breath on her throat making the world hazy. "_Damn_, Rach" he grunts quietly. "You're _so_ beautiful, baby..._perfect_. Oh...I love you _so_ much..._so much_..."

She directs his head so she can kiss him again, pressing her body even tighter to his, revelling in the feeling of his chest rumbling with a growl of appreciation. His hand kneads her thigh, inching up higher and she encourages him, moaning his name...

"Finn! Rachel! What the hell are you doing in there?"

* * *

________________________________________

"I don't know where  
Confused about how as well  
Just know that these things will never change for us at all..."

* * *

**AN#2 (please read!): **Ooh! Hot and heavy Finchel! I thought we all deserved this ;) Should I change the rating to M? *wink wink* Song credit was 'Chasing Cars' by Snow Patrol...beautiful song :)

So I have an idea for my next story (that will be posted AFTER this story is done and it's NOT done yet) so can you guys let me know what you think? So the idea is that it's going to be a fluffier Finchel story. It'll be a deeper look into all the sectionals that Finn has done and how something has always gone wrong for him (it'll be an edited version with more detail of my story 'the curse of sectionals'). The first one, he found out about BabyGate and how Rachel was there for him. The second one, he and Rachel's relationship fell apart. And for the third, Finn breaks his arm which causes ND to have to alter their choreography and stuff and Finn's in a really bad mood but he realizes how Rachel's always been there when he's sour and she always manages to patch things up. It always comes back to her. I think it's a really cute idea and I think we all need a little Finchel fluff in out lives, right?

Please, please, PLEASE let me know what you think :)

THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE REVIEW AND LOVE TO ALL! I'll try to be quicker with my updates :D


	19. Let Go

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Hello, strangers! Haha I'm SO sorry that it took me this long but I found a brand new direction that I'm gonna pursue that'll extend this story! Thanks for all your reviews! So ENJOY this chapter!

* * *

____

____

____

____

_"Trust me__  
__'Cause i know it's terrifying__  
__To open your heart and let it lead blindly..."_

_

* * *

_

They both freeze after hearing Puck's deriding voice calling from the living room, eyes snapping open and lips breaking apart. Her legs have somehow found their way around Finn's waist and her back is pressed against the cupboards and window and she finds that they've knocked things down too. How did she not notice the clatters? Finn Hudson is _that_ irresistible.

She remains silent, holding her breath as she regains some form of composure, remembering that they're in Tina's kitchen with the Glee Club just outside and supposed to be making popcorn. But instead, they're making out.

Maybe they didn't hear things falling off the counter and moaning and heavy breathing...?

Chancing a glance at Finn, she sees his lips swollen, his hair disheveled -her fingers leaving tracks and his cheeks flushed. She touches her lips absently, feeling them puffy from his kisses as well, her face is hot to the touch and her hair falling out of the bun. They're both out of breath. And she's 85% sure she might have a love bite.

There is _no_ way that they _weren't_ heard.

Puck groans loudly in annoyance. "We're all starving in here!"

"Was their an earthquake or something?" Mercedes calls in confusion, her voice sounding distracted.

"Screw this, I'm going to get food" Puck declares.

They both pause, wondering if he's bluffing. But when they hear heavy footfalls edging closer, they exchange a panicked glance before jumping apart. She hops off the counter hastily and turns her back to the door, opening the cupboard and quickly grabbing a glass. She prays that Finn finds a cover too.

"What's taking you two so long?" Puck inquires irritatedly as he enters the kitchen. "We heard the microwave beep, like, a thousand times and stuff falling and- what the hell are you doing, Finn?"

She gulps nervously, warily turning to face the door where Puck watches in surprise as Finn shoves chips into his mouth messily. She bites her lip to stop the uncontrollable laughter bubbling in her chest. He's too adorable for words.

"I was hungry" he defends in offence through chews.

"And I was thirsty" she pipes up, trying to keep her voice from breaking with giggles while pretending to sip the last of her drink. "And in Finn's desperate attempt to devour what food Tina has, he knocked over a few pots and spoons and...err...messed up the blinds and stuff."

She holds her breath, watching Puck's unreadable face as his eyes flash between her and Finn. After what seems like centuries, he rolls his eyes. "Whatever" he dismisses, turning around and walking out of the kitchen. "Hurry up...I'm getting old. And there's such thing as sharing, dude."

When they're sure he's gone, they both exhale in relief. He must've been starving if he hadn't noticed the signs. Thank goodness Puck's oblivious.

She looks at Finn and begins to laugh loudly when she sees him trying to swallow the loads of chips he stuffed in his mouth. Her stomach cramps from how hard she's laughing, bending over and holding the counter for support as she giggles. He joins in after his mouth isn't full, both of the gasping for breath. She wipes away the tears of mirth as he comes closer, wheezing. "I-you-brilliant" she says between laughs. "So-close..."

"So-funny-Puck-didn't-so obvious" he adds, fighting for breath as he laughs. They both calm enough the breathe properly, still giggling as he pours the chips into a bowl. "I can't believe we didn't get caught."

"I know" she says in amusement, chortling. "I was so nervous! Once I heard him get up I thought we were doomed. You were amazing!"

"So were you" he guffaws as they bump fists.

"I didn't even realize how long we were gone" she admits.

"Me neither" he says, his voice turning soft. "I didn't notice that we were...you know...knocking things down and stuff."

"Me too" she murmurs, looking up at him with a smile. "You know you're adorable, right?"

He wrinkles his nose when he laughs and her heart stutters. "Adorable?"

"Yes" she confirms, averting her gaze as she opens the microwave and grabs the popcorn. "But you're also...really, _really _hot...I don't know how you could ever doubt yourself. You're perfect."

There's a beat of silence as she empties the bag of popcorn into a bowl. His hand on her waist and cheek makes her head snap up and eyes meet his. "I love you _so_ much, Rach" he whispers as she places her hand on his chest to steady herself, her mind a fog. "And you're so gorgeous...smoking hot..._you're_ perfect."

"Really?" she asks shyly.

"Absolutely" he breathes.

"It felt so right kissing you, Finn" she confesses, tracing his pecks with her index finger while he practically purrs. "And-and...I'm ready. I'm ready to be with you again. I'm still kind of scared but...but when I kissed you at the dance, I let go of the old Finn. I'm scarred...I can't deny that. But, I've moved on. I'm still cautious but I'm ready to start fresh."

His lips part in shock and she bites her lip, gauging his reaction. "Are-are you sure?" he stammers, holding her closer. "Because-"

"I'm positive, Finn" she assures confidently, leaning closer as he blinks repetitively.

"S-so I can hold your hand again?" he questions for clarification.

"Of course."

"And I can pick you up for school every day?"

"You already do."

"And I can walk you to class and eat lunch with you?"

"You can keep doing those things, yes."

"I can put my arm around you?"

"You can touch me whenever you want to."

"And I can tell you that I love you more than life all the time?"

"I love when you do that."

"And I can take you out on dates?"

"Absolutely."

"And I can tell people that you're my girlfriend and that I love you more than anything?"

"As you please."

"And I can call you or text you just to tell you how awesome you are?"

"Did I mention you're adorable?"

"And I can get you gifts that say 'Finchel' or 'Faithfully' or stuff like that?"

"Yes."

"And I can call you 'baby' or 'babe' or whatever you want?"

"Of course...I miss that."

"And you can sit on my lap and call me 'baby' or 'Finny' or anything you want?"

"I'd be delighted."

"And I can kiss you?"

"Anytime."

"Like right now?"

"Yes, please."

He beams, leaning down and capturing her lips in another soul-searing kiss that leaves her breathless. Feeling his lips smiling against hers, she knows without a doubt that she made the right choice. She needs to be cautious and slow but she's hopeful and confident for the future.

"I love you, Finn" she whispers because it's true and he deserves to hear it. "More than anything. And...and you just needed to know that." A burst of relieved laughter erupts from her chest as she feels tears well up in her eyes and a watery smile stretch across her lips. "I love you and...and I can't believe how lucky I am to have you, Finn...I-I-I...oh. I don't know what to say."

He chuckles, his perfect face radiating with pure happiness and love as he pulls her tight to his chest, holding her close. "I love you_ way_ more, Rach" he whispers, his voice thick with emotion. "You have_no_ idea how happy I am...I love you, I love you, I love you...I'm _in_ love with you. Oh, man, Rach...I was so scared that I'd never hear you say that again...I-I-I...I can't express how happy I am. I love you, baby..._so_ damn much. Jeez...I was _so_ damn scared that I lost you...that you couldn't love me anymore."

She leans up and kisses him again, tasting chips and _Finn_ and savouring it. "I could never stop loving you, Finn...and you'll never lose me" she whispers against his soft lips as he smiles, kissing her harder. Unadulterated euphoria swells in her chest and she wishes she could show him how much she loves him. It's a fuzzy and amazingly pleasant feeling that swallows every piece of her. She's light and adores him so much.

"Finn! Rachel! Get your asses in here, damn it!" Puck shouts from the living room. "This stupid movie's started and I'll be out cold unless I get some damn food!"

"It's not a stupid movie" Kurt argues in offence. "It's golden entertainment! _Grease _is iconic! Rydale High is like McKinley...except the pink ladies are slutty cheerleaders and the T-Birds are dumb-ass jocks."

"Get in here, Hudson or I'll strangle you! I can't handle your stepbrother" Puck groans.

They laugh together, remaining locked in their embrace. "I love you" she murmurs, resting her forehead against his. "I can't say it enough. I love you so much."

"Love you way more, gorgeous" he breathes, sounding completely and utterly content. "Let's go."

She nods, ready to slide out of his arms but he stops her, landing his delicious lips back on hers for another minute. She giggles, breaking off teasingly before grabbing the bowl of popcorn and Milk Duds while he takes the chips and Sour Patch Kids as she saunters ahead of him, feeling on top of the world.

They enter the living room, seeing their teammates all sprawled out across the room. Kurt, Blaine and Mercedes are curled up on the couch, Mike and Tina are on the love seat, Puck mans the single chair, Brittany sits on Artie's lap, Santana's beside them looking annoyed, Quinn sits in front of the couch leaning back and Sam lounges by the love seat. Everyone's eyes are glued to the screen either in interest, a trance of exhaustion or boredom.

"Thank God" Puck huffs when he notices them. "I thought you died or something."

"Before we pig out" she declares, shooing Puck's hands away. "Finn and I have something to say."

No one really pays attention so Finn grabs the remote, pausing it in irritation. "Listen, people."

"Finn and I," she begins, sliding into his arms, exchanging a grin with him. "Are officially back together."

There's a beat of silence before Puck scoffs. "That's it?"

She nods, not taking her eyes off of Finn.

"Wow...I'm _so_ surprised" Mercedes drawls sarcastically, amused.

"Yay for Finchel" Brittany exclaims.

Artie smiles at her. "Preach!"

"That's sweet" Blaine murmurs, a note of impatience in his smooth voice. She rolls her eyes playfully at him.

"Way to go, man" Mike says while Tina nods in agreement.

"Woo hoo" Santana snickers.

"At least I won't have to hear Finn coming home and singing 'Fool in the Rain'" Kurt reasons.

"It's only gonna get worse, bro" Finn says absently, beaming down at her before kissing the top of her head as Kurt grumbles.

"Can I have food now?" Puck asks agitatedly. "We're all _so _happy for you."

"Thanks, Noah!" she says in fictitious cheeriness as he rolls his eyes. Finn practically drops the chips in Puck's lap before pressing play again as the group chuckles.

She takes his hand and they take a seat beside Sam who gives her a big thumbs up and whispered congratulations as she sits between Finn's legs, snuggling back into his chest as he winds his arms around her frame, thanking him. Finn kisses her hair softly, breathing an 'I love you' and she sighs blissfully.

"Man, John Travolta really has downgraded" Puck says distantly through mouthfuls of Milk Duds. "He went from Danny Zucco to Chilli Palmer to Edna Turnblad."

"How did you know that name, dude?" Finn questions, his chest rumbling with laughter.

"My mom made me watch it" Puck snaps defensively.

There's a pause as Finn ans Sam snigger. "It's okay, Noah" she says idly. "I liked Hairspray, too."

"I didn't say I liked it" Puck argues.

"The music was good and the characters were great, too" she continues, ignoring him. "My favourite characters were Linky Larson and Truck-mouth Maybelle."

"It was Link Larkin and Motormouth Maybelle" Puck corrects automatically.

Everyone howls with laughter. "Exactly."

"Lucky guess" Puck defends, a hint of sheepishness in his voice.

"I loved Cody Collins, too" she murmurs after a moment.

"It was _Corny_ Collins" Puck says matter-of-factly.

"Wow, you must've watched that movie more than I have" she says as everyone laughs again. "Maybe you can come over and we can have a musical marathon! You can show me all your favourites and we can compare notes."

The whole group laughs even louder as Puck sinks back in his chair, blushing and muttering about how he only saw it a few times as everyone continues to chortle. Kurt and Blaine shush everyone, enthralled by Danny dismissing Sandy at the Bonfire as Finn chuckles into her hair, squeezing her tighter.

Tearing her eyes away from the screen for a moment, she scans her second family and feels a warmth that wasn't there before. She feels included and loved. It's amazing.

Her eyes meet a familiar pair of green-hazel ones and she stares back for a moment, confused. Quinn's eyes are blank but piercing, flickering with something that makes her stomach churn uneasily...

_Jealously_.

She swallows nervously, watching as Quinn glowers at her for another brief moment, her possessive eyes scouring Finn's face that remains turned toward the screen before flashing back to hers, a smirk on her lips and an eyebrow quirked, radiating with a dark smugness that makes her shiver, sending a message...

_Enjoy it while it lasts, RuPaul._

Before she can process the sullen look from the blond, she turns away to the screen, the expression vanishing from her face as she blinks in surprise, feeling something inside of her twist with fear.

"You okay, babe?" Finn inquires softly, playing with her fingers.

She can only manage to nod, sending him a smile before cuddling deeper into his chest, casting one last glance toward Quinn who remains impassive.

_What was that?_

Instead of brooding on it further, she watches the movie and almost forgets the strange encounter, the fright staying in the pit of her stomach, beyond consciousness.

* * *

_"'Cause when you let go  
And let life take you where it wants to  
Give up control  
Let life take you where it wants to go  
Where it wants to go..."_

_

* * *

_**AN#2: **Ooh...not a happy ending YET! muahaha! An unexpected turn? What is Quinn up to? A hint: Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne and Don't Cha by the Pussycat Dolls. Hmm...UH-OH! haha

Song credit was 'Let Go' by Dave Lichens...great song from 'She's the Man'...and the song mentioned 'Fool in the Rain' by Led Zeppelin...also an amazing song.

THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE REVIEW AND LOVE TO ALL!


	20. My Beloved Monster

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Whoa! Hey there! I AM SO SORRY PEOPLE! I have been BEYOND busy but here is the 20th chapter! It's now March Break (or Spring Break) so *applause* I'll be able to update more! Yay! Thanks so much for ALL your support :) You guys are the ABSOLUTE BEST! Anyways...ENJOY! Side note: who was totally and utterly disappointed by 'Sexy'! WTF! Whatever, hopefully 'Original Song' will be good!

* * *

____

_"My beloved monster is tough_

_If she wants she will disrobe you_

_But if you lay her down for a kiss_

_Her little heart it could explode..." _

_

* * *

_

She plays with his short spikes of dark hair idly, her half-lidded eyes that seem to be getting heavier by the minute fixated on the screen where 'Valentine's Day' plays, the club around her dozing as well. Puck is snoring with an empty bowl of chips on his lap while sprawled on the single chair, Mercedes is leaning into Kurt whose eyes are on the screen while Blaine sits yawning occasionally beside him, Quinn slouches bitterly while fighting fatigue, Santana texts someone sleepily, Brittany snuggles into Artie's lap, Mike and Tina watch the movie in a trance of exhaustion, Sam yawns widely slumping and Finn's head rests in her lap while she caresses his face. No one's really paying attention to the movie, all caught up in their own exhaustion.

"Remind me why we're watching this again" Artie says drowsily after a particularly lame line.

"'Cause I don't have many romantic movies" Tina responds, rubbing her eyes. "What time is it?"

"11:10" Sam answers tiredly, squinting at his watch.

"Why are we all crashing now?" Mercedes wonders aloud.

Everyone barely shrugs their shoulders in reply, Mike picking up the abandoned bowl of Milk Duds and popping one in his mouth before tossing another in Puck's direction. It hits the boy square in the forehead but he only stirs slightly, a snort leaving him. The whole group chuckles softly as Mike throws another, smacking Puck's nose this time.

Puck grumbles, cracking an eye open. "Huh? What the hell?" he questions disoriented. "What time is it?"

"11:12" Sam replies again.

"AM or PM?"

"PM."

"Oh, thank God" Puck breathes in relief, yawning as the group chortles.

After cuddling to _Grease_ and snacking on junk food, she felt drained from the active night -emotionally and physically- and is barely hanging on to consciousness. She loves the position she's in now, stroking and fondling Finn's perfect face.

Finn looks up at her in sleepy content, blinking slowly as he smiles. She returns it, tapping the tip of his nose with her index finger playfully. Catching her hand, he pulls it to his mouth and kisses her palm. "Do you wanna get out of here?" he inquires hushed.

She nods, running her fingers once more through his hair as he purrs before allowing him to sit up. He helps her to her feet, winding an arm around her shoulders. "We're gonna get going" Finn announces, pulling her tight to his side.

There's a chorus of "okays" as she waves at all of them, avoiding Quinn's eyes that she can tell are piercing her, telling them she'd see them on Monday before the slip out of Tina's house into the freezing February night, holding each other close.

Once they're both in the car, she's quick to link her arm with his and lean her head on his shoulder as he kisses the top of her head, backing out of the driveway. "That was really fun" she murmurs happily.

"Yah" he agrees and she can hear the half-smile in his voice. "I can't believe how tired we all are."

"Me neither" she chuckles. "I knew everyone was a goner when they allowed Tina to put in 'Valentine's Day'."

He laughs wholeheartedly. "You're so right."

"Wanna know what my favourite part was?" she asks shyly.

"Of course" he replies knowingly. "What would that be?"

She looks up at him with a beam, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Guess."

"Hmm" he mumbles amused. "Could it be eating Sour Patch Kids?"

"Though they were great, no."

"Could it be getting laughs by humiliating Puckerman?"

"Again, quite great, but no."

"I give up" he concedes wittingly. "Tell me."

She giggles. "Oh, just reuniting with the love of my life."

"Sounds awesome" he says softly with a grin.

"It is."

"Wanna know what my favourite part was?" he questions gently.

"Of course."

"Guess."

"Hmm" she hums deliberately. "Could it be getting to pig out on junk good?"

"Awesome, but no."

"Could it be almost getting caught by Puckerman but finding the best cover ever?"

"Hilarious and memorable but again, no."

"I give up" she huffs, feigning weariness. "Tell me."

"Oh, just reuniting with the girl I love more than it's possible" he says casually.

"Sounds pretty amazing" she giggles.

"It totally is" he agrees as they laugh together. "You know we're totally a cliche, babe."

"No way" she exclaims. "You looked it up!"

"Of course I did" he says in mock-offence. "I was so scared that you were saying I was an ass or something. I'll admit, I had to ask my mom to re-spell it for me 'cause when you wrote it on my hand I was sweating a lot 'cause you were so close and you smelled really good and when you touched my hand I got all excited and had to focus really hard on not kissing you so when I got home it was all smudged. But I looked it up and I started banging my head on my computer desk because you were right about Quinn and me being a cliche. But I was so happy that when I asked you to write it on my hand, like you did with chivalrous, too, and you agreed. You never made me feel stupid. My mom was freaking out when she came upstairs to see me hitting my head over and over again against my desk."

She laughs, looking up at him affectionately. "You know you're _so_ adorable, right?"

"So I've been told."

She giggles again, squeezing his hand. "Though I must confess we are a bit of a cliche" she says dramatically. "The star quarterback, most popular and hottest guy in school with a heart of gold who dates the bitchy head cheerleader but secretly yearns for something more and to not be a mean guy encounters the school's resident freak and after getting to know her, falls for her and after a whole lot of drama, ends up with her. Yah...we totally are."

"I'm okay with that" he murmurs with a chuckle. "But we're deeper than that."

"Oh, really?"

"Yup" he answers confidently. "The quarterback was a total douche to the girl for the longest time even when he started to find that she was this amazing girl who understood him and accepted him and yet, this girl still liked him. And this jock's love for this girl is _way_ deeper than any Disney movie."

She beams softly at him. "The freak loves him just as much."

"Don't wanna spoil the movie for you, baby, but she's not a freak at all."

She smirks. "Really?"

"Turn's out she's perfect" he says gently making her heart skip a beat and a deep, wonderful burn glow in the pit of her stomach. "And the jock eventually finds that out...it takes a while for it to get through his thick skull but he's a lucky dude."

"I love you so much, Finn Hudson" she tells him honestly.

"I love you way more, Rachel Berry" he breathes, kissing the top of her head. "We kick cliche's ass."

"Totally."

They both laugh as he pulls into her driveway and she pulls back to look at his flawless face. "Can we tell my dads now?" she asks as he reaches out to touch her cheek.

"Of course" he answers and the pure but peaceful joy that layers his tone makes her heart flutter. "I'm kinda scared of your dad...but it's _what I do for love_!"

She giggles, revelling in his adoring expression when she laughs. He leans forward, landing his lovely lips on her smiling ones and can't resist pulling him as close as the console between them will allow her. He chuckles huskily and she shivers, balling up his shirt in her fists, demanding his lips and smothering his groan of approval.

His lips find their way to her neck and she mewls longingly, getting lost in the feel of his breath on her throat. He hums against her pulse point, nuzzling the spot behind her ear and she slides her hand down his chest, touching his abs as he growls quietly. Her heart pounds wildly, the feeling consuming her. "Baby" he breathes. "We gotta stop...your dads are gonna notice how long we've been sitting here..."

She whimpers when he removes his lips and he grins at her, pecking her lips before nodding toward her house. "Let's go, gorgeous."

Feigning a huff of annoyance, she smirks and hops out of the car, smiling when he takes her hand. They walk into her house and she calls out for her fathers, squeezing his hand. "Hi, honey" Hiram greets excitedly when he sees that Finn stands holding her hand. "How was your night, love birds?"

"Incredible" she answers, exchanging a beam with Finn. "Where's daddy?"

"Right here, sweetie" Leroy says, walking into the main hall. He consults his wristwatch, his face blank. "11:35. Not bad."

Finn smiles nervously. "Thank you, sir."

"Anyways" she begins, breaking Leroy's glower at Finn. "Finn and I have an announcement." She leans into him and he winds an arm around her shoulders, grinning broadly. "We're back together."

There's a pause and Hiram's smile brightens, waiting for more. "Real deal?"

"Real deal" she affirms with a laugh as Finn nods exaggeratedly.

Hiram cheers and envelopes the both of them in a hug and she looks over his shoulder to see Leroy frowning. Excusing herself and giving a thumbs up to Finn who is bombarded by Hiram speed-speaking at him, she walks over to her dad, smiling unsurely. "Daddy?"

"Are you sure about this?" he asks seriously.

"I'm positive" she murmurs, chancing a glance back at Finn who's laughing with Hiram. "I love him with everything I have." He nods solemnly and she sighs. "Please trust me, dad."

"I do, honey" he assures, his face softening as he looks at her. "I really do. I just don't want to see you get hurt again. It was so hard seeing you so crushed because of this boy. I...I don't trust _him. _"

"I'm sorry" she says honestly, touching his forearm. "But I promise you, he gained my trust. He's matured, daddy. I'll admit, I'm scared but he's worth it."

Her dad purses his lips with a small nod. "I know, one hundred percent, that you know what you're doing. But your father and I are going to be there if you need us...we're not going anywhere."

"I know" she chuckles as he pulls her into a hug. "If you want, you can talk to him. He wants to be good with you, too."

"I think I will. Love you, honey."

"Love you, too, daddy."

They turn back to Hiram and Finn who are chatting idly and she reaches over to hold Finn's hand. "Umm...do you mind if I have a word, Finn?" Leroy asks quietly, actually using his name.

"Of course, sir" Finn replies, his voice cracking slightly.

"You can walk Rachel up to her room and we can talk after" her dad says, his voice less condemning and Finn seems to relax slightly as she glides her hand over the tense muscles of his back.

She leads him up the stairs and into her room, dropping her duffel bag onto the carpet, inviting him over to her bed. He settles and she cuddles willingly into his chest as he wraps his arms around her frame. "Don't worry about my dad" she whispers after a moment.

"He doesn't trust me, does he?"

"No" she confesses, scooting up to look at him. "But if you speak your mind, he will."

Finn nods, tracing a line down her side to her hip. "You know I'm not going anywhere, right?"

She remains silent, eyes scanning his face as she recalls the look she shared with Quinn. The piercing hazel eyes that reminded her what she had to be insecure about. Making her doubt herself. Letting her know that she should be worried. Jogging her memory of the way Finn had left her before. Bringing scars to the surface.

Gnawing her lip uneasily and looking down at the McKinley symbol on his shirt, she tries to fight the fear that bubbles in her chest. "I'm scared" she squeaks emotionally. "You're not gonna walk out on me, are you?"

There's another moment of silence until he rolls her over onto her back, hovering above her. She looks up through the blur of tears into his warm cinnamon eyes that burn with incredulity. "Oh, Rach" he says softly, his large hand on her stomach as he shakes his head slowly. "I will _never _walk out on you again. I'm so sorry, baby that you're feeling insecure. But you gotta know that I'm not leaving again. I couldn't...even if I wanted to. But I don't...I _never _will. You're it. It's you. It's _always _been you. It'll _always _be you. I love you more than it's possible. And I get that you're scared and I know you can't trust me fully now. But trust that I'll always love you more than life. We're forever, baby. I know it. And I'm gonna make you believe it."

She nods through tears, weaving her fingers into his thick hair and pulling his face to hers. She kisses him with every ounce of love in her body, her heart breaking into a sprint as it always does with him so close. Her heart pounds in her ears and consumes her body with a wonderfully light feeling. She belongs here with him.

She doesn't know what to expect come Monday but she knows that this feeling will always be there. And that she won't stop loving him either.

"I love you" she breathes.

"I love you more" he responds against her lips and she allows herself to forget about the world outside her bedroom walls -her haven- and just know that Finn is here to stay.

* * *

_"She will always be the only thing_

_That comes between me and the awful sting_

_That comes from living in a world that's so damn mean..."_

_

* * *

_**AN#2: **Aww sweet Finchel and yet Rachel is still fighting insecurity. I smell drama! But don't worry...FINCHEL WILL NOT BREAK UP! There's just gonna be a little turbulence.

Song credit was 'My Beloved Monster' from the Shrek movie...such an adorable song!

THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE REVIEW AND LOVE TO ALL!


	21. Turn the Page

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Hiya, friends! Thanks for all the amazing support...you guys are TOO sweet! And here begins the turbulence :( I might include Finn's conversation with Rachel's dads later in the story but I like this idea that I'm using. Rachel's insecurities have always been there and unaddressed fully so I love including the idea of Finn seeing so much and helping her overcome them. So ENJOY this chapter!

* * *

_"And you feel the eyes upon you _

_As you're shaking off the cold _

_You pretend it doesn't bother you _

_But you just want to explode..."_

_

* * *

_

She laughs wholeheartedly as he finishes a story about Kurt being asleep in his breakfast this morning as she squeezes his bicep. He plays with her fingers grinning, pressing his lips quickly to the top of her head.

After snuggling for a while, he had bid her goodnight and assured her that she had absolutely nothing to worry about. She was able to sleep without a burden weighing on her chest, thinking about his promises and believing in them. He earned her trust.

She surprised him the next morning by creeping into his bed with him while he snored, waking him up with kisses. He beamed at her and held her close, still in a sleepy haze. But after twenty minutes, she finally got him to come downstairs and eat breakfast and tell her about his conversation with her dads last night. It went swimmingly, Finn rambling uncontrollably about how much he loves her and how he's positive that they're going to make it. Leroy had greeted her brightly that morning and told her that Finn was quite a charmer. He totally earned a make out session for that.

Now, he drives her to her dance class with plans for him to pick her up so they can hang out for the rest of the day. She loves Saturdays, being able to spend endless hours with him. It feels amazing because they don't have to worry about school.

He pulls up to the building and she sends him a large smile before he hops out of the truck. Grabbing her bag, he opens the door for her and offers her a hand so she can jump down. "Thank you for the ride, baby."

"No problem, gorgeous" he says with a soft beam. "I'll pick you up at 2?"

She nods as he slips his arms around her waist, holding her close to him. He leans his forehead against hers and they share a loving smile. "You look totally hot in that, Rach" he breathes huskily, pressing his lips against hers.

She giggles, looking down at her ballet attire. She never really felt pretty in the loose skirt and tights but now she feels sexy. She kisses him again, playing with his hair before pulling away with a smile. "Later" she whispers as he shivers eagerly, allowing her to slide from his grasp.

"Have fun, babe."

"I will" she laughs, holding tight to his hand for a lingering moment. "Love you."

"Love you more" he says confidently, his face radiating with honesty.

She blows him a kiss as she walks away, grinning when he pretends to catch it and she takes a moment to appreciate his beauty. He leans against his truck, arms crossed over his chest and an adorable yet sexy crooked smile on his lips, his hair ruffled and his eyes glowing with affection as he waves at her. He gets back into the truck and with one last smile, drives away and she sighs blissfully, nearly floating as she walks.

"Who's that?"

She jumps in surprise, whipping her head around to see Taylor and Melissa flanking her as they look back in the direction of where Finn was. These girls are in her dance class and rarely ever acknowledge her presence.

"Umm...hi Taylor. Melissa" she mumbles awkwardly, clinging tighter to the strap on her bag.

"Who was that?" Taylor repeats, ignoring her greeting.

"Erm...you know you never talk to me, right? Last week, you thought I was lost."

"Whatever, Renee" Melissa dismisses absently. "Who was that?"

"My name is Rachel."

"Answer the question!"

She frowns. "That was my boyfriend."

"No way" Taylor says in disbelief. "How'd you bag a God like that?"

"He goes to my school" she answers quietly.

"He looks familiar" Melissa muses aloud. "What school do you go to?"

"McKinley."

The girls begin to squeal in harmony and she raises her eyebrows, feeling even more uncomfortable. "Does he play football?" Melissa demands.

"Yah...he's the quarterback" she drawls warily, watching them curiously.

"Oh, my Gosh he was that really hot one...number five" Taylor exclaims.

"How'd you know that?" she questions in confusion, nervousness rising in her chest.

"We cheered against him in football and basketball" Melissa responds, a smirk on her lips. "He's freaking gorgeous."

The girls continue to talk over her like she's not even there and her insecurity ignites and grows with every word they say about how hot Finn is. Her heart begins to sink and she worries her lip, trying to focus on each step she takes toward the building. But she can't fight the consuming uncertainty as she looks at both of the girls.

Taylor is petite but taller than her, about Quinn's height. Her caramel hair is pin straight and face clean, her eyes a crystal blue. Her lips and nose aren't big like hers and her smile his bright and winning, lips a rose pink. She's thin and fit, her body appealing and she beams with a natural confidence but she's manipulative and possessive. And she's a huge flirt. A bubble gum chewing princess. A lot like Quinn.

Melissa is the exact opposite. Standing at 5 foot 8, she's an Indian beauty. Wavy black hair and dark complexion, she's exotic looking with a seductive smile. Her dark brown iris's burn with smugness, eyelashes thick. She's thin and fit as well, her legs mile-long and her body what boys would drool over. She knows how appealing she is and is extremely alluring. A walking temptation. A lot like Santana.

She feels so inferior she could cry standing next to these girls.

"So how did you guys meet?" Taylor asks with an eyebrow quirked in interest. "You don't exactly look like a cheerleader."

She can hear Melissa snicker and her self-doubt burns hotter. "We met through Glee Club" she says softly. "We're both the leads."

"And he went for _you_?" Melissa questions.

She nods, feeling ugly and short as she looks up at Melissa. "After a lot of stuff, we finally got together" she murmurs.

"That's sweet" Taylor says fictitiously. "I'm surprised no one hasn't given you a run for your money. That boy is _fine._"

"I didn't say that" she mumbles.

"So you guys have had some problems?"

"In the past, yah" she answers, furrowing her brow as she looks down the the cement.

"Hmm" Taylor hums, sounding interested. "Like what?"

"I'd prefer not to talk about it" she mutters, wishing that this would just stop.

"Oh, come on, Rainelle" Melissa scoffs. "You can trust us."

"My name is Rachel" she says through gritted teeth.

"Right" Melissa dismisses. "So, dish. What happened?"

She wants to be able to tell them to mind their own business but she can't seem to find the words. She's lacking confidence and the spark to do so. They shouldn't be questioning her. But these girls are superior over her. They're the ones who kick dirt in her face. She can't just tell them to leave her alone.

Shrugging slightly, she grimaces. "We've just been through a few rough patches" she says and she can't seem to stop the thoughts and memories from flooding her mind. "We haven't had an exactly normal relationship. I don't know..."

"Like...he left you?" Taylor presses, her voice layered in an eager undertone.

"Yah" she responds sullenly.

"We must've talked to him while you guys were broken up then" Melissa says, her voice idle.

Her head snaps up. "Huh?"

"Well" Taylor chirps. "He came over once at one of the football games this year. I think it was in...umm...September. Oh and in November."

She can't help but be curious. "What did he say?"

"He was really funny" Melissa replies. "We were gonna give him our numbers but he had to go. He's so hot...he and his friend. Oh, my Gosh what was his name? Umm...Puck. That was it. Number twenty."

Her heart plunges further at the smugness in their tones. She knows they're manipulating and mocking her. But she can't seem to stand up for herself. "Were you guys together then?" Taylor asks.

"Yah" she says quietly. "We broke up in December."

"Oh" Melissa drawls, feigning sympathy. "That's too bad...why'd you break up?"

"I screwed up" she whispers, hoping they'll drop it.

But of course, they don't. "How?"

"Can we not talk about this?" she pleads, her voice breaking.

"Did he get sick of you or something?" Taylor inquires, smirking.

The girls laugh together and she feels her self-consciousness spread further in her veins. She will _not_cry. She will _not_ be weak. She can't let them make her doubt what she has with Finn. It's stronger than that. And she owes it to Finn to not let her insecurity cloud her judgment again.

"You know what?" she snaps suddenly, effectively silencing the girls as she whirls around to face them, her glower strong. "We both made mistakes but now, we're back together and happier than ever. That's all that matters. He loves me and I love him and I don't care how much you mock and manipulate me, I'm _not _going to let you make me feel inferior because guess what? _I_ have Finn Hudson. Me. Rachel Berry, the school pariah. _Not_ you. So get used to it."

With that, she turns on her heel and storms away, her anger not wavering as she leaves a stunned Taylor and Melissa behind. She wants to feel liberated and victorious for telling those home wreckers off.

But yet, she trembles with aftershocks and tears blur her vision. She still feels insecure and unconfident and when she walks into the bathroom to try to calm herself down and looks at her reflection, she finds a million flaws. Things that make her feel even worse.

Standing next to Melissa, she looks like an oompa-loompa with no culture.

Standing next to Taylor, she looks stubby and rejected and completely inferior.

Who could pick a girl like her over girls like them?

_It's only a matter of time until he leaves, Rachel _her pesky and pessimistic mind taunts. _He left you before. And now every girl is going to be hunting him again. And girls like you never win._

She looks down at her feet for a moment, wiping her eyes hastily before palming open the doors to the washroom, pretending she doesn't feel like she'll lose it all again.

* * *

_"And you always seem outnumbered _

_You don't dare make a stand..."_

_

* * *

_**AN#2: **Uh-oh...Rachel's insecurities are getting worse! What next?

Song credit was 'Turn the page' by Bob Segar...great song.

THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE REVIEW AND LOVE TO ALL! another chapter probably will be posted today :)


	22. Bad times Roll

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Hello once again! Look at me updating! I'm procrastinating like crazy because I don't feel like doing my project for school haha. I just want to thank you guys SO much for all your support...you have no idea how big I smile after reading your reviews or seeing that you alerted or favourite-d my story or me as an author. You guys are just AMAZING! Anyways ENJOY this very short chapter!

* * *

_"The good times hide_

_And so do I_

_Out of my control  
_

_I dig a hole..."_

_

* * *

_

She strides quickly out of the building, scolding herself not to look back. She doesn't want to have to see Taylor and Melissa glancing at her and snickering, exchanging whispers and trying to knock her confidence down even lower than it already is. She was _this close _to wringing Taylor's neck. She couldn't reach Melissa's probably.

The class had been awful. She had been on edge the entire time and it seemed like everyone had been on her case. Her teacher had been in a particularly sour mood, barely anyone was there except for her, Taylor, Melissa and three other girls who reminded her of obedient Cheerios at McKinley and her feet were killing her from her ballet shoes. They were getting too small and she knows she has a huge blister on her heel and arch of her foot.

She managed not to break down in tears of frustration though she was close to. The taunting stares had affected her greatly and she had been missing steps often. Scoffs from the girls and her teacher barking at her didn't help.

She feels coiled and ready to snap at any moment as she looks up to see his truck, Finn leaning against it, an angelic smile lighting his flawless face. And then, it all changes. She releases the breath she's been holding the entire class and the acid in her stomach stops boiling hot and eating her insides. Her tense muscles relax and her face drops from it's contortion of frustration. She feels tears well up in her eyes again but they aren't mortified ones. He comforts her without doing a thing.

Finding herself returning the smile shakily, she limps closer and watches as his smile drops into a frown of concern when he sees her hobble, her face weak. "Hey baby" he murmurs when she reaches him. "What happened?"

"Blisters" she answers, her voice low and trembling.

He gazes intensely at her, his eyes serious. "What else happened?"

She bites her lip and averts her eyes to her feel, not wanting to cry here in the parking lot. "Nothing" she breathes.

"You don't have to be embarrassed, Rach" he says softly, cupping her cheek and brushing her tears away with the pad of his thumb. "Tell me what's wrong, gorgeous."

He knows her too well. She touches his arm and meets his worried cinnamon irises, assuring him that she'll be okay. He leans down and kisses her forehead swiftly, cooing an 'I love you' against the top of her head and calming her even more.

"Hi, Rachel."

She squeezes her eyes shut with dread, hoping that it's her imagination playing tricks on her. But she turns around nonetheless, only to have the burden unleash once again, making her heart plunge into her bubbling and boiling stomach acid when she sees Melissa and Taylor standing there expectantly, watching her and Finn.

_ Damn it._

"Hi" she mutters through clenched teeth, feeling like she just lost everything. Now that these girls are beginning their hunt, she knows she can't win. She's not seductive or sexy or flirty. She's not tempting. No one finds her transcendent or drool-worthy. She's just Rachel Berry...lost in the shadows that girls like Taylor and Melissa cast. Ordinarily flawed.

"Rachel" Taylor whines cheerily, eyeing Finn. "Aren't you going to introduce us?"

She feels physically ill and unconsciously and naturally loosens her grip on Finn. She knows she's going to have to fight this alone and stand in the midst of heavy flirting. She wants to throw up.

"Umm...I guess" she mumbles, turning a bit away from him. She hates herself for shutting him out now but she's just preparing herself. She already feels disappointed. "Finn: this is Taylor and Melissa. Taylor and Melissa: this is Finn."

"Hi, Finn" Melissa purrs, shifting her weight to the side and smirking seductively with a wink. Her stomach twists violently. "So nice to see you again."

Finn furrows his brow in confusion. "Pardon?"

"How can you not remember us?" Taylor gasps dramatically, slapping his arm playfully and giggling. "Football? We cheered against you guys! You talked to us at half-time."

He shrugs, tensing uncomfortably and tightening his grip on her waist. "Sorry...I don't remember."

"Oh, Finn" Taylor laughs, batting her eyelashes, flirty. "_So_ oblivious."

Finn grimaces. "I don't know what that means but okay."

The girls laugh again and she can't help but scowl. "So" Melissa begins conversationally, hand on her hip. "McKinley's been treating you well...eh, Finn?"

"Uh-huh" he replies, sensing her irritation.

"We hear you're male lead in your Glee Club, too" Taylor adds. "How's that?"

"It's great" he answers curtly.

"That's _so_ hot that you can sing" Taylor says alluringly. "Every girl in school must be after you. Anybody you got your eye on?"

"It's not twenty questions" she snarls abruptly before she can stop herself.

"What?" Melissa questions innocently. "We're just trying to get to know him."

"Scared of a little competition, Rach?" Taylor asks, quirking an eyebrow.

"Hey" Finn barks in annoyance, his glower hard. "First of all, I'm the only one who can call her Rach and second of all, there is no competition."

"Puh-leeze" Taylor snorts. "Rachel told us about your rough patches...how she messed up. Who's to say she won't do it again?"

"Stop putting words in my mouth" she growls angrily.

"You guys can't be serious if you're hitting rough patches" Melissa reasons simply.

"Would you stop?" Finn inquires in a huff. The girls look at him expectantly as he holds her closer. "You don't have the right to come in and judge our relationship. Rachel's the love of my life and we're gonna get married some day so stop trying to put her down. Neither of you hold a candle to her so just back off. I'm not interested." He opens the truck door for her as his face softens. "Come on, babe...let's get out of here."

She gets in the truck in wordless awe, watching as he walks around to the driver's side. "_Don't_ speak to her next week" he says to Melissa and Taylor who are seething.

With that, he jams the key into the ignition and presses on the gas, leaving the two girls who made her feel rejected behind. She's shocked beyond belief. That's never happened before. She never thought it would.

Finn interlaces their fingers, his knuckles white on the steering wheel as he squeezes her hand. "You okay, gorgeous?"

Looking at his concerned face, she starts crying, nodding profusely. She leans her head against his shoulder and clings tight to his arm, allowing the tears she fought the entire dance class slide down her cheeks. He coos soothing words and his love for her continuously, an ache in his voice from seeing her upset.

For once, it almost feels like she won.

* * *

_"The good times hide_

_So will I_

_Watch the world roll by_

_From my hole..._

_I'm gonna let the bad times roll_

_I'm gonna let the bad times roll..."_

_

* * *

_**AN#2: **Aww poor Rachel...but yay for Finn standing up for her! Sorry it was so short and not too great...next chapter will be better!

Song credit was 'Let the bad times roll' by Paul Westerberg...great, great song from the movie Catch and Release.

THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE REVIEW AND LOVE TO ALL!


	23. More Adventurous

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Hey there! I'm SO sorry for not updating sooner...I had a tournament and blocked a shot with my head so I was kinda tired haha. Anyways, thank you for all the support! Amazing! Wasn't Original Song CUTE! There was Finchel foreshadowing and glances and adorable moments (Finn basically told Rachel he still loves her because "Break a leg" in Finchelese means "I love you" haha) ...I think it's gonna get brighter! No offence to people who like Quinn but she was a total b****...urghhh...I hope Finn dumps her soon and then gets back with Rachel at Nationals or Prom or anytime! Anyways ENJOY this chapter!

* * *

_"And it's only doubts that we're counting  
On fingers broken long ago  
I read with every broken heart we should become  
More adventurous..."_

_

* * *

_

She sits on the edge of her bed silently, her gaze averted from his eyes that scour her face. His hand is rubbing her knee soothingly, wordlessly begging her to tell him what happened. A stray tear slides slowly down her cheek and she sniffles quietly, swallowing the lump in her throat.

He drove her home but they hadn't spoken. She only cried and he only comforted her, not pressing the matter. But now they sit on her bed, surrounded by her stuffed animals and broadway posters and knick-knacks and he's desperate to know what's going on.

"Please, tell me" he whispers, kissing her cheek. "Tell me, baby."

She inhales shakily and suddenly, she slips out of his grasp and stands, beginning to pace. "Those girls" she begins, her voice hoarse and raw. "Those _stupid _girls that haven't ever spoken to me before start pestering me about you and they call me 'Renee' or 'Rainelle' and they talk over me like I'm not even there. Then they start purposely trying to get in my head with those stupid mind games about you flirting with them while we were together and how we hit rough patches because they _know _I'm insecure when it comes to you. They manipulated me and mocked me and I yelled at them and I thought that I'd be fine after that and yet, I was still feeling sick."

She pauses for breath before continuing her rant. "I had to go through a whole _damn _class where they were whispering about me and making fun of me and I had to try to pretend I was fine when I felt like I wanted to die. My teacher just yelled at me because they made me mess up my steps and my shoes frigging hurt and then they come back over after _mortifying_ me and making me self-conscious and start flirting with you and it just..._ugh_! It just _sucks _because it's like they know our past and they know my biggest fear is you leaving me for someone prettier or more seductive again. And you told them off and I actually felt _good_ but I'm _so_ scared because it seems like every frigging girl wants you. You're a teenage boy surrounded by hot girls...you can't deny temptation forever. And when I look in the mirror, I see a million things wrong with me and I just _don't understand_ why _you_could _ever_ want someone like me."

Her voice breaks and she runs her hands through her hair, tears blurring her vision again. "Why? Why don't I look like them? I wasn't enough for you the first three times and I haven't changed at all. You're so hot and popular and all these girls fall at your feet. Why do you like me? It's hard to believe you're choosing_ me_ over_ all_ these girls...I don't get it. And all of them are so _pretty_. Taylor's this prim, pristine, flirty thing that most boys wag their tails at because she's popular. Just like Quinn. And then Melissa's this seductive, tall temptress who boys drool over because she's alluring. Just like Santana. They have_ no_ flaws aside from awful personalities but who cares about that, right? Then there's me who's 5 foot 2 and-a-half...a frigging _dwarf _with huge facial features and isn't thin like Cheerios or easy like a mistress and_ no one_ likes me..." She chokes on a sob and stops pacing, her face crumpling. "And I'm compared to these girls every single frigging day and I feel so _ugly_ all the damn time. You left me for Santana and Brittany. It feels like you left me for Quinn. Why wouldn't you leave me for Melissa and/or Taylor? They want you. Every guy wants them. Who could want this?-" She gestures to her small frame where her stomach seems to bulge compared to Taylor and she seems feet shorter and shades whiter than Melissa. "I have no business being with someone like you. Everyone sees it. And _no one_'s rooting for us. It's only a matter of time. And I wouldn't blame you if you left me. I'm loud, bossy, conceited, needy, flawed beyond belief. Everyone hates me." She's sobbing so _hard _her chest _aches. _"And-and-and-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa" he interrupts softly and she stops rambling, allowing herself to succumb to her cries. "Come here."

He pulls her down onto the mattress and she lays on her back, looking up at him through her extremely blurred vision while her chest heaves. His face is gentle but his brow is furrowed and he looks as though he's about to cry as well. "Stop" he whispers, pressing his lips to her tear-stained cheek. He showers her face with kisses, pecking her lips and caressing her hair. "Stop. Stop saying those things about yourself." His voice isn't condemning but is firm. "I understand. I understand why you're insecure. It's all _my fault. _It's these stupid people. But Rachel, you _don't_ understand just how _incredible_ you are. I don't care about Melissa or Taylor or Quinn or Santana. I don't care about anybody but you. And I don't want anybody but you. I know I'm young and I know I left you so many times before but I know that this is it, Rach. I love you more than it's freaking possible. We can't let people like them tear us apart...we're stronger than that. What can I do to make you realize just how _perfect_ you are and how much I _adore_ you?"

She gazes at him uncertainly and she practically sees the lightbulb beam above his head. "You wanna know what I think is hot?" he asks in a coo. "Not some prim, pristine princess or some seductive -whatever _that_ is- temptress...what I think is hot is chestnut hair..." He plays with her locks, a small smile on his lips. "Bangs. Has to smell like apples or berries or vanilla. And has to be...uh...about this long..." He twirls the tips. "Or any length really.

"She has to have big, chocolate brown eyes..." His fingers trail down to her eyes that widen as she watches him in awe. "Long eyelashes and they have to have this warmth in them...gooey looking...makes me feel gooey inside..." She almost smiles.

"She has to have a nose that is exactly this size..." He taps the tip of her nose, grinning. "No bigger, no smaller. _Exactly_ this size. And it has to wrinkle when she laughs..." He kisses her nose sweetly and she wrinkles it on purpose.

"And she has to have full, pink lips..." His index finger traces her parted lips. "They have to taste awesome too...like coconut or apple or strawberries...and when I touch them it has to feel electric and warm..." He kisses her tenderly and hums happily, making her melt inside. "Just like that.

"And she has to have the most gorgeous smile in the entire world. She can have her show face that's stunning and all...wide and bright. But my favourite is the one that's warm and soft and really honest...it glows. And it takes my breath away every single time." She sends him a watery, genuine beam. "That one makes me feel fuzzy...even though that's kinda girly.

"She has to have tan, golden skin." His fingers dance across the skin of her abdomen where her shirt rides up. "Soft and awesome-smelling. And when I touch it, it has to set me on fire." He kisses her neck. "And it has to taste awesome.

"She has to make this noise..." He nuzzles the place behind her ear and she mewls, arching into him. "When I do that. And she has to make this noise..." He tickles her side gently and she giggles. "When I do that. Her laugh has to be music. It has to make my heart thump so loud and fast that I get dizzy.

"What's hot to me is Rachel Berry and that's it" he says and his voice is so honest, it makes the lump in her throat swell. "The gorgeous, talented, sweet, hilarious, kind, incredible and absolutely _perfect_ girl that I love more than life. I don't notice girls anymore because when you're there, it's only you. When you walk into a room, the world gets brighter. And it _breaks_ me when I see you so sad, Rach." His voice cracks slightly and she glides her hand down his chest. "You have no idea how much I love you, Rach. You're _perfect_ to me. And I'm gonna love you no matter what happens. What can I do to make sure you know that? I-"

She can't take another moment, reaching up and kissing him passionately, tangling her fingers in his thick hair. Tears slip down her cheeks but her heart burns with admiration and unadulterated love for him. Deepening the kiss, she hitches a leg around his waist and he groans into her mouth, lips moving to her jaw. "Oh, Finn" she moans, her voice emotional. "_Thank you_. Thank you_ so_ much, baby. You have no idea how much that means to me." She strokes his face as he pulls back to look at her. "I'm so sorry that I let my insecurities affect what we have...I-"

He shakes his head, kissing her softly. "No, Rach-"

"It's true" she breathes against his pulse point as he whimpers in need. "I can't let my own insecurities ruin our relationship. You hurt me, Finn. And I hurt you, too. But we need to move along. Because I forgive you and you forgive me and we love each other and we can't let people get in the way of that. You're my everything...and you deserve a lot more than my doubts. I love you _so_ much, Finn Hudson. What we have is forever. And I'm really going to try to stop being so self-conscious."

"Feeling bad about yourself isn't really possible to stop" he says, nuzzling her neck. "I mean, everybody always has moments where they feel really awful. But when you do feel insecure, just come to me, okay? Let's work it out right away because I hate when you feel bad about yourself. And when I'm insecure, I'll come to you. Sound good?"

She nods, pulling his face back to hers. "Sounds great" she whispers. "I love you _so_ much."

"I love you_ way _more, baby." He kisses her harder. "Forever."

She smiles against his lips, losing herself in the feeling of electricity and sweltering heat that burns deep within her. And she knows that this is real.

Guiding his hand to the hem of her shirt and nodding in assurance when his eyes flash with inquisitive eagerness, she breathes in his ear that she's ready for the next step.

**(&)**

They get to third base. And it's the most amazing thing she's ever experienced in her life.

**(&)**

Laying breathless and limp against his chest, she kisses his neck and revels in the feelings of euphoria that pulse through her. He hums in complete bliss, his chest rising and falling with every deep breath he takes. She listens to his heartbeat that is beginning to slow, smiling.

"That..._wow..._" he breathes. "You..._wow..._and me..._wow..._and...and..._wow..._"

She giggles in agreement, scooting up to look at him. Her lips feel swollen, her hair must be a wreck and her body feels like jelly. "Thank you, Finn" she coos, kissing his jaw. "I can't imagine being with anybody like this but you."

He beams, rolling onto his side, gazing in awe at her. "You have no idea how happy I am" he murmurs, hand on her hip. "And thank you for being my first with that sort of thing. My first, my only and I know you'll be my last."

She leans over and kisses him with as much strength as she can muster, whispering her love for him against his lips. He returns it, pulling her tighter to his chest and she knows home plate isn't far away.

Feeling sweaty and hot, the idea that pops into her head makes her grin. "Do you wanna take a shower?" she asks. "My dads won't be home for another two hours."

His jaw goes slack and before she can gauge his reaction, his lips are devouring hers. "Yes, _please_" he answers huskily and she laughs when he scoops her up into his arm and carries her into the washroom, kicking the door shut behind them.

They get to third again. And she doesn't think she'll ever be able to stop touching him.

* * *

_"I'd sacrifice money and heaven all for love  
Let me be loved, let me be loved..._

_"And maybe ours is the cause of all mankind  
Give love to make more, try to stay alive..."_

* * *

**AN#2: **Awwww...FLUFFY! CUTE! ADORABLE! SWEET! ASSURING! Finchel that we are dearly missing. But it's not over yet...what about Quinn's scheme?

Song credit was 'More Adventurous' by Rilo Kelly...amazing song :)

THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE REVIEW AND LOVE TO ALL!


	24. Beautiful

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything GLEE-related.

**Author's Note: **Hi there! HOORAY FOR 200 REVIEWS! *applause* I'm SO sorry it took me forever but here's this chapter. I struggled with plot and song selection but I must say, I'm quite proud. **I strongly recommend READING THE LYRICS IN THIS CHAPTER (if you haven't been reading all the ones I've been including)!** I feel they fit very well as to what Rachel's going through and it's a fantastic song, too. I liked having this idea and then I have another good Finchel-y fluffy goodness one and then we'll get to Quinn's scheme. Oh, and thak you guys SO MUCH for all the support. You have no idea how happy it makes me. You're all AWESOME!Anyways, ENJOY this chapter! Side note: BOO so sad March Break/Spring Break is ending :(

* * *

____

_"Lately I've been hard to reach, I've been too long on my own_

_Everybody has a private world where they can be alone_

_Are you calling me? Are you trying to get through?_

_Are you reaching out for me, like I'm reaching out for you?_

_I'm just so f***ing depressed, I just can seem to get out this slump_

_If I could just get over this hump_

_But I need something to pull me out this dump..."_

She clings to his hand and looks around nervously, watching students scamper into McKinley High, oblivious to the fear bubbling deep within her. It feels like everyone should be watching. It feels like she's wearing it for everyone to see. She feels vulnerable and painfully exposed.

After her blissful weekend with Finn, she was hit with the reality that today would be their first day back at school as officially back together. It's easy to be with him when it's just them. But she doesn't know what to expect when everyone's watching. Finn's been sensational but can he handle all the negative attention that's only going to get worse?

She knows he loves her a lot but she needs to see, in action, that he's able to deal with his reputation plummeting into nothing after being seen with her.

Maybe she's not ready for this. Maybe she can't do this right now. Is this how it's supposed to feel? Is it normal to be this sick to your stomach? She can't go in there and try to _pretend_ that no one's watching or judging or snickering. She can't handle being judged. And if he can't either, where does that leave her? Crushed once again.

_ No_. She has to do this. For herself and for Finn. He's earned this. And she's had it rough but she has to let herself be happy and forget about everything else. _Screw _everybody else.

_"I took my bruises, took my lumps_

_Fell down and I got right back up_

_But I need that spark to get psyched back up..."_

"You ready, babe?" he asks softly, brushing her knuckles with his lips.

Looking up into his cinnamon eyes that glow with warmth and pride, she ponders the question. She was ready to face the world her whole life.

Since she was little, she's had to deal with the unanswered question of where her mom was. Why she left. She had to swallow the self-doubts and keep going even when she felt as though she weren't worth loving.

Since kindergarten, she's been mocked and taunted by her peers for being Jewish. For having two gay fathers. For having a big nose. For being different. All she wanted was a friend and to be accepted. And she never got the respect she needed. But she still smiled and kept her head up, even when she felt as though she'd never find a friend.

She never really cared about it all. She was able to ignore the world and keep going.

But then, _he_ came along and changed everything.

She started to _listen_ to what people spat at her when she walked down the hall. She started _believing _that her clothes were ugly and her nose was too big and her personality was awful. She would look in the mirror and find flaws. Finn could never want her. Her mom could never want her.

But she still faked a smile and told herself everything would be okay when it _wasn't_. She's had insecurities forever. And it all blew up and she knows how it feels to be in the darkest place possible. And for a long time, she felt like nothing would ever be good again.

_"But I already told you my whole life story_

_Not just based on my description_

_'cause where you see it from where you're sitting_

_Is probably 110% different..."_

And here she is, standing with Finn Hudson's hand in hers while insecurity bubbles deep within her.

_"Nobody asked for life to deal us _

_With these bullshit hands we're dealt _

_We gotta take these cards ourselves _

_And flip them don't expect no help..."_

The realization dawns on her abruptly and she squeezes his hand tighter to make sure she doesn't collapse. She's faced the world her whole life with barely any support or security. She's done it all when she was broken, bruised and deeply wounded. She's been doing this _alone_.

But now, she's _not_ alone. She's got all the support in the world. Finn needs her just as much as she needs him. He makes her feel secure, beautiful and loved. But she makes herself feel that way now, too. She's conquered every mountain. She's deflected every mean thing spat at her. Every slushy tossed in her face. And she's still standing. But now, she has somebody to lean on.

And she's stronger than she's ever been.

_"And I just can't sit back and wallow_

_In my own sorrow_

_But I know one fact I'll be one tough act to follow..."_

___One tough act to follow_

___I'll be one tough act to follow..."_

Nodding determinedly, she takes a deep breath and looks up into Finn's eyes who watch her intently. "I'm ready" she says and she _means_ it. "Let's do this."

She's ready to stride into the building but he slows their pace. "Hey" he coos, gaining her attention. Her expression, contorted in fiery confidence, smooths and softens as he gives her a crooked smile, eyes shining with honesty. "I _love _you...more than life."

"Love you more" she murmurs, touching his chest with a gentle smile.

"Impossible" he whispers, leaning down and kissing her tenderly. "What can I do to make sure you're good?"

"Just don't let go of my hand, okay?"

"Never."

She grins, forehead pressed against his. "Then, I'm great." She pecks his lips again. "Are you good?"

"I'm great" he breathes, kissing her brow. "You and me...that's it. Remember that."

She nods, inhaling deeply. She's_ got_ this. _They've_ got this.

Kissing him once more, she grips his fingers and they palm open the doors to McKinley High, hand-in-hand. Her heart pounds in her ears and she bites the inside of her cheek as they enter, feeling like everyone's head turns.

____

_"Just as soon as I walk in_

__

_It's like all eyes on me_

_So I try to avoid any eye contact_

_'Cause if I do that then it opens a door for conversation_

_Like I want that... I'm not looking for extra attention_

_I just want to be just like you_

_Blend in with the rest of the room..."_

She squeezes his hand tighter and looks down at the floor, trying to ignore the perplexed, incredulous or mocking eyes of her peers that follow them with each step. Her face enflames and her self-concsiousness bubbles once again in her stomach but she fights it, tilting her head up and facing the crowd. It seems to move in slow motion.

Jocks pass by, scowling deeply and glaring at them, some bumping Finn as they go but he doesn't waver. Ex-Cheerios glower at her or snicker and whisper. Regular students glance at them but show no emotion. She kind of appreciates them the most. It makes her uneasy because no one cracks a smile and none of her teammates are there.

She gulps, tucking hair behind her ear and holding onto the only sanity she has left, which happens to be his hand. "Babe?"

Her head snaps up to look at him and she fears what he's about to say next. "Umm..." he chuckles, stroking her knuckles with the pad of his thumb. "You're kinda cutting off the circulation in my hand."

She immediately loosens her clenched fingers. "Sorry."

"Don't worry" he assures, sliding his hand out of hers. Before she can fathom what he's doing, he slips an arm around her shoulders. "There...that's better."

She flashes him a smile, winding her arm around his waist. They reach her locker and she opens the lock quickly while he leans against the neighbouring one, watching her affectionately. "How do you feel?" he questions.

"Better than I thought I would" she replies with a light laugh, looking over her shoulder as Santana and another girl stare daggers at her. "You?"

"Pretty damn good" he says in amusement.

They laugh together and suddenly, she realizes something. These labelled popular people are nothing without the title. It's not about them being attractive or athletically advanced, it's about their sense of entitlement. How they feel that they can treat people like dirt. How they feel that they're superior. But when they lose control, they're nothing. The ex-Cheerios are nothing without the uniform. The jocks are nothing without their letter jackets. And they feel inferior when she's with Finn because they _lost_.

__

_"But you have to walk a thousand miles_

_In my shoes, just to see_

_What it's like, to be me_

_I'll be you, let's trade shoes_

_Just to see what it'd be like to_

_Feel your pain, you feel mine_

_Go inside each other's mind_

_Just to see what we find..."_

"Nice leg warmers, RuPaul" Santana quips as she saunters past while her minion scoffs. "You look like Molly from _the Big Comfy Couch_."

She looks down at her vibrantly coloured leg warmers and frowns. She likes them and she doesn't think they look bad.

"Hey Santana" Finn barks, gaining the girl's attention as she smirks expectantly. "Get some new insults. It's getting sad now." A laugh escapes her lips at Santana's incredulous expression. "And I think they're totally _hot_."

She blushes deeply as Finn wraps an arm protectively around her shoulders. Santana splutters blankly for a moment before growling and stomping off, leaving her to watch in shock. It's pretty rare when Santana Lopez storms away.

Looking up at his grinning face, she laughs. "Thank you" she murmurs, touching his chest. "I really needed that."

"Anytime, baby" he says softly, kissing her forehead. "And they are_ totally _hot."

She giggles, taking his hand once again as they begin their trek to her homeroom. People continue to watch in annoyance or disbelief but she's unfazed by it, feeling on top of the world.

__

_"Don't let them say you ain't beautiful..."_

When they reach the classroom, she takes one look around at the glued eyes of her peers before meeting Finn's gaze that watches her curiously. "Screw 'em all" she breathes, only loud enough for them to hear before reaching up and smashing her lips against his. He responds immediately and eagerly, arms tight around her waist. She knows everybody's gasping in shock and she relishes in it. _She_ has Finn. They have to deal with it.

Breaking apart, she slips from his grasp, blowing him a kiss. "See you later."

"_Man_, I love you, babe" he says in awe, clutching her hand.

"Love you more" she giggles, squeezing his fingers.

"Impossible."

Sending him a smile and revelling in his beam, she waves before disappearing into her homeroom, feeling redemption. __

_ Finchel's back, bitches._

__

_"And to the rest of the world, god gave you the shoes_

_That fit you, so put 'em on and wear 'em_

_And be yourself, man, be proud of who you are_

_Even if it sounds corny,_

______________

_Don't ever let no one tell you, you ain't beautiful..."_

_

* * *

_

**AN#2: **Awww...cute Finchel = FTW! I just HAD to include the stuff about Rachel feeling less than her whole life. Very deep stuff that GLEE hasn't really explored but I feel is very apparent.

Song credit was Beautiful by Eminem...FANTASTIC song...lots of swears but *shrugs* that makes it even better (ha ha).

THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE REVIEW AND LOVE TO ALL!


	25. Pretty Unpretty

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything except the plot!

**Author's Note: **HOORAY! YIPPEE! HAPPY DAYS! Here I am with an update! *roaring applause* I'm so sorry it took so long but thank you SO much for all your amazing support. You guys are amazing! ENJOY this chapter...it's for all of you!

* * *

___"I feel stunning_

___And entrancing_

___Feel like running_

___And dancing for joy_

___For I'm loved_

___By a pretty wonderful boy..."_

* * *

She looks out into the sea of spectators, clutching the zipper to her sweater tightly. She spots plenty of ex-Cheerios in the crowd who all seem to stare at her but before she can feel insecure, Kurt is dragging her up the bleachers and away from the girls. Blaine flanks her other side and Mercedes and Tina trail behind them, creating a human shield for her.

How long has it been since she's attended a McKinley basketball game? A year? It feels like ages.

There isn't a classification for how she feels at the moment. When Finn told her that there was a basketball game after school and she didn't have to come if she didn't feel like it, she knew she wanted to be there for him. But she never really prepared for the possibilities.

Awkward. Out of place. A bit insecure. The only word she can think of is _uncomfortable_.

She and Finn are stronger than ever, conquering a lot of things they hadn't the first time they were together and this is another thing they need to get past: sporting events. Tons of popular people are there and it's natural for her to feel uneasy. She just has to stay strong. For herself. For Finn. For _them_.

She wears his McKinley shirt with his name and number sported on it underneath her sweater but hesitates to show it for the school to see. The last time she wore her 'Team Finn' shirt, he had been mortified. She doesn't want to embarrass either of them again. But then again, he gave this to her.

"Aren't you gonna take your sweater off?" Mercedes asks, snapping her out of her thoughts.

She purses her lips for a moment in deliberation. "Maybe later" she murmurs, sinking down to a sitting position. "I'm a bit cold."

Tina and Blaine give her a weird look but Kurt only nods, changing the subject to the latest episode of America's Next Top Model. She sends him a thankful smile and he winks knowingly in return.

Scanning the crowd again, her eyes meet with the piercing -and now too familiar- green-hazel ones. Those eyes that had been puncturing her for the last two days. Any time Quinn would see her and Finn together, her icy glare would remain on them. It was extremely unsettling.

She's ready to stare the girl down but Quinn looks away first, turning to the girl next to her. And she's floored when she sees who it is.

Santana Lopez.

Suspicion and fear creeps down her spine as she watches the girls exchange whispers. Why would Quinn and Santana be talking? They're not friends. They _hate_ each other.

They're up to something.

She feels queasy watching the ex-Cheerios, knowing that whatever they're going to do, it won't be good. And she's definitely the target.

"You okay, Rachel?" Tina inquires, gaining her attention. "You look petrified."

Gulping and tearing her eyes away from the two girls, she nods. "I'm fine, thanks."

Tina quirks her eyebrow in curiosity and exchanges a perplexed glance with Mercedes but she sends them a smile, joining in on the conversation and trying to ignore Quinn and Santana's eyes that prickle her back.

The buzzer sounds and she gets to her feet along with the rest of the crowd, cheering and whooping as the teams emerge from the change rooms, starting to warm up. She claps excitedly until remembering that she needs to remain in the shadows, slowing her hands. Spotting Finn among the gangly basketball players, she watches his eyes scour the crowd. A lot of girls wave at him, including Quinn and Santana, but he doesn't notice, his eyes finally finding her. She offers him a timid smile and wave and he beams brightly, returning the gesture eagerly as she blushes. Her fears melt away and she deflects all of the steely glowers, blowing him a kiss and giggling when he pretends to catch it. He gives her one more large, goofy grin and points at her before jogging away to warm up. She feels warm.

Kurt nudges her shoulder playfully in a kind of "I told you so" manner and she rolls her eyes, sending him a smirk. Sitting back down, she keeps her eyes glued to him as they are called in by Coach Beiste for a pre-game speech. He looks smoking in his basketball uniform, his shoulders broad and strong, his arms muscular and sculpted. Memories of their intimate day flood her mind and she feels her stomach churn with anticipation for the night they can replay it. Those Cheerios have never seen Finn the way she has. Santana never got to bask in the glory of his perfect body and his loving touch (Finn told her he didn't even get his shirt off when they had sex). Quinn has never kissed him or touched him like she has. She relishes in that fact. She got to touch his perfect body under that uniform. He touched her tenderly in a way no one else ever would. In your bitchy faces.

She can't help but smile smugly when she feels Quinn's jealous glare on her, twirling a strand of her hair on her finger and sending Finn a lustful and loving gaze. He leers back, his expression fervent and sexy. She wants to tangle her fingers in his thick hair and kiss him hard. But she has all the time to do so.

And Quinn can_ eat it_.

**(&)**

She has a difficult time keeping up with the game, as she did with football as well, because it seems like every other minute the referee is calling a foul or something. She has so many questions but nobody she's sitting with really understands it either. The only thing she can decipher is that Finn is really quite good. Every time he gets the ball in the net (she thinks it's called a basket or something), he sends her a smile. She already felt awkward going in but Quinn and Santana are making her even more tense with the whispers, snickers and glances. But she's enjoying herself nonetheless.

The buzzer sounds _again _and she sighs, wondering what's supposed to happen now. Apparently it's half-time and McKinley's down by 2. Finn catches her eye and gestures for her to come down and she blushes, telling her friends she'd be back later, ignoring the knowing look Kurt gives her and the icy one Quinn does, skipping down the bleachers toward him.

"Hey babe" he greets softly, taking her hand and pulling her away from the buzzing crowd to a secluded area in the corner. Everyone's attention is diverted to the other team's cheerleaders who are doing their half-time routine so he quickly and greedily presses his lips to hers.

"Hi" she giggles, feeling her back press into the wall and his arms wind around her waist.

He leers, making her breath catch in her throat. His hair is ruffled and damp, the muscles of his arms slick and strong. He looks so _sexy_. "So, are you liking the game so far?"

"Yah" she answers with a smile. "I don't understand much but I like watching you."

"Well when we get the ball in the hoop, we get points.

She glares weightlessly at him, smirking. "I get that much, thank you" she says matter-of-factly. "But I don't understand how in basketball, this-" She taps his forearm. "-Is a 'foul' or something whereas in football, you get brutally tackled and the referee person doesn't call it a 'foul'. Why is that?"

"I don't know" he replies airily, his tone amused and affectionate. "Maybe you should write a letter to the NBA and the NFL and ask why they are allowing such astrology."

"It's atrocities" she says with a laugh before slapping his chest lightly. "And Finn Hudson, are you making fun of me?"

"No way, baby" he chortles, squeezing her tighter. "You're adorable, you know that?"

She glowers playfully at him as he kisses her pouting lips, melting her mock defences. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she opens her mouth willingly to his, swallowing his soft groan as her lower body presses into him. He tastes like Gatorade and _Finn _and she hums quietly, running her fingers through his damp hair.

Her blood is on fire and she forgets about where they are when his fingers slide the zipper of her sweater down. She grips his bicep hard, mewling in need as he pulls away. Frowning in surprise, she pries her eyes open to see his gaze focused on her chest. She's ready to blush and tell him to touch her but then she remembers that they're in a small corner behind the bleachers in a packed gymnasium where anybody could see them. That's when she realizes he's looking at the t-shirt under her sweater.

"I like this" he breathes, towing the material away to further expose the Hudson #5 on the shirt. "Why don't you take your sweater off?"

She feels her face get hot as she looks down sheepishly. "I-I...I didn't want to embarrass you" she admits.

"You could never embarrass me, Rach" he murmurs, kissing her delicately. She meets his eye to see honesty. "I want everybody to see that I belong to you."

"And I belong to you" she whispers genuinely, placing her hand on his chest. He smiles adoringly at her and she reaches up to meet his lips. "Thank you, Finn."

"No problem, gorgeous" he says, holding her closer.

Before he can say another word or resume their kiss, Coach Beiste is calling everyone in. He sighs in disappointment and annoyance as she giggles, caressing his face gently. "Go on, handsome" she purrs. "Go get your sexy butt back on that court."

He leers, slithering his hand dangerously low down her back. "Am I turning you on, baby?"

"Yes and if you don't go soon, I'm gonna drag you to the nearest janitor's closet."

He chuckles huskily, kissing her hotly and slowly, making her stomach flip and burn. "Funny" he muses aloud. "'Cause you're turning me on, too. You have no idea how badly I wanna give you a love bite."

With that, he takes her hand as they walk together into the public eye and she almost wants to slap him for being so irresistible. He leads her toward the bleachers and she's about to go back to her seat but he pulls her to him and kisses her hard in front of the crowd that roars. She feels like she might burst.

They break apart breathlessly and he whispers his love for her before pecking her swollen lips one last time, jogging back to his teammates that all clap him on the back and Coach Beiste who rolls her eyes in amusement. She watches him go in awe, frozen for a brief moment as her body tingles. He's too hot for his own good.

Floating back up to her seat, she greets the group brightly as they all smirk at her. She removes her sweater, displaying the grey t-shirt for everyone to see as she whistles and applauds as the team returns to the court. He beams at her and she feels on top of the world.

She can't resist meeting Quinn's eye that sears with jealously and anger and Santana's that are read as deriding but really contain rage. She doesn't understand Santana's angle, considering she's (obviously) in love with Brittany. But she has the feeling she'll find out soon.

For now, she can relish in their defeat.

**(&)**

The game ends with McKinley winning 64-59, Finn playing spectacularly by scoring the last few points to win the game. She had to tamper the passion in her congratulatory kiss at the end, considering Kurt, Blaine, Mercedes and Tina had been standing right there but it was still wonderful. They had gotten teased about being a rated R version of Troy and Gabriella but it didn't faze them. Finn just dipped her and kissed her firmly as their friends all groaned jokingly.

He's in the change room now so she sits alone by the door, humming to herself idly. She had bid farewell to the group mere minutes ago but Kurt still texts her, gushing about Blaine. She's so happy for them.

"Ugh...did you see that smug, stupid face of hers?"

She freezes, startled by the controlling tone and echoing familiar voice. Her suspicion and curiosity rises and she gets silently to her feet, slinking down the narrow hallway of the change rooms toward the court. Hiding behind the wall, she peeks to see Quinn and Santana standing in the centre of the court. He stomach churns.

"I know" Santana groans shrilly.

"One of these days I'm gonna punch that smug face of hers in" Quinn growls. "I'd love to see man hands with a shiner."

She resists the urge to snarl. She can't believe Quinn sometimes.

"Calm down, Barbie" Santana commands. "For a queen bee, you're severely uneducated in the field of keeping your cool. I thought you were gonna blow everything and burn holes through RuPaul's face by how much you were glaring at her."

"Shut up" the blond barks loudly, her voice bouncing off the walls.

"Be quiet" Santana hisses back. "You're even worse than I thought. Stop being so damn obvious about it. Treasure Trail's an annoying dwarf but she's smart. She probably suspects something already. I'm the expert here so listen to me."

"The only thing you have expertise on is how to cover up the fact that you're a closeted lesbo" Quinn says wryly.

"Shut up, bimbo" the girl growls lowly, crossing her arms over her chest. "You came to me with this so shut your big, fat mouth."

They glare at each other for an intense moment. She knew their partnership had to be tense. They loathe each other.

"Look" Quinn says with a huff. "The only reason I'm doing this is so that I can get Finn back and we can be prom King and Queen-"

"Maybe you should sing '_The ballad of Sara Berry_' instead" Santana snorts. "You're insane and you're willing to kill man hands for it, right? I could see that happening."

"Shut up" the blond orders.

"_Down on your knees before the queen" Santana sings mockingly. "__You taste the silver, Quinn, you taste the crown. Y__ou thirst for blood from the roses in hand-"_

Quinn shoves her -hard- effectively ending her deriding song. Santana's eyes spark with anger and she expects a full-on cat fight to break out but before Santana can strike, Quinn continues. "If we keep bitching at each other, RuPaul is going to get Finn and all the attention. Once I get Finn back and prom queen and you get all the attention and support back from the whole school, we can both resume hating each other but still running the school. Are we clear?"

"Yah, yah" Santana dismisses with a wave of her hand. "Just try not to ruin the entire song tomorrow..._I'm _the one with talent."

"Don't worry" Quinn says, her expression smooth like stone. "Everyone will still be able to hear your squawking and see your huge head."

"_So Quinn's sanity was hung by a thread, __her BFF's proclaimed her socially dead. Ti__ll then, at last, her boyfriend texted and said: 'I'm taking Rachel to the senior prom'..."_

"Stop" Quinn whines dramatically. "My ears are bleeding!"

"Oh, my Gosh you're so funny, Quinn" Santana crows sarcastically. "I have a cramp from not laughing."

Their voices begin to fade as the depart from the gym, the echoes of their conversation ringing in her ears. Her stomach twists and her head hurts. She knows three things after that dialogue:

One- Quinn and Santana want to destroy her.

Two- They're going to sing something in Glee Club despite their detest of each other...they want to destroy her _that _badly.

Three- They are totally bitches...but she already knew that.

The realization makes her sick.

* * *

_"I wish I could tie you up in my shoes_

_Make you feel unpretty too_

_I was told I was beautiful_

_But what does that mean to you  
_

_Look into the mirror who's inside there_

_____Find the reflection you see to be so damn unpretty..."_

* * *

**AN#2: **Ooh...suspense! What are Quinn and Santana up to? I love writing Quinn and Santana bitchy dialogue...not as much as writng hot and heavy Finchel but it's still fun! Ha ha

Song credits were: 'I feel so pretty' from West Side Story and 'Unpretty' by TLC...I think they're supposed to be in the actual show too as a duet between Quinn and Rachel but *shrugs* i dunno :P

THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE REVIEW AND LOVE TO ALL!


	26. Till I Collapse

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything except the plot!

**Author's Note: **Hey there! Thanks for all your wonderful reviews! So happy I got to post another chapter today! This one is pretty damn intense but I love it! I felt we needed a dash of drama ;) I made the mash-up myself so sorry if it's awful. ENJOY!

* * *

_"Music is like magic _

_There's a certain feeling you get when you're real_

_And you spit and people are feeling your shit_

_This is your moment_

_And every single minute you spend trying to hold onto it_

_'Cause you may never get it again..."_

* * *

She gnaws on her lip uneasily, eyes glued to the clock as she holds Finn's hand tightly in hers. The seconds tick by and she chances a glance at the door to see it empty. Heaving a sigh, she grips his fingers and bites the inside of her cheek, the anticipation making her sick.

After listening to Santana and Quinn's odd and telling conversation, she's nervous as hell for today's rehearsal. She was completely honest with Finn that night, informing him of what she heard because he deserved to know what was going on. He offered for them to skip Glee today but she knew she had to face this. It was inevitable. If she had skipped rehearsal, they would've found another way to screw her over.

Finn had spent the whole day assuring and comforting her, giving her the support the desperately needed. He knows her too well. She feels bad that she's been a jittery wreck all day but he was understanding and tolerant, making sure she feels loved every second.

The ideas and possible scenarios invade her mind, clouding her thoughts with negativity. The sickening feeling that is too familiar and dreadful is quickly returning, making her stomach churn and heart pound. She's so scared. She just _can't _lose Finn again. She just _can't_.

His lips brush her hair soothingly, slipping his hand from hers and sliding his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer. He interlaces their fingers again with his free hand and kisses her forehead. "It's gonna be fine" he whispers. "I love you, Rach...more than life. We're gonna be fine."

Looking up into his warm cinnamon eyes, she nods and exhales shakily. "I'm sorry...I'm a mess."

"Don't be sorry, baby" he coos, pecking her lips. "I'm glad you told me. And don't worry...I'm yours. Always will be."

She sends him a grateful smile and he beams. "There it is" he says softly.

He swoops down and steals a kiss as she giggles, feeling herself naturally relax. "I love you" she breathes honestly. "More than anything."

"Love you more" he returns, meeting her in the middle for another kiss. "No matter what, it's you and me. Nothing will ever change that."

She snuggles closer to him as Mr. Schuester enters the room, clapping his hands excitedly, Santana and Quinn following. Her muscles tense and swallows hard, watching as the girls saunter over to the band while Mr. Schue calls everyone into order.

"Alright, guys" he begins. "I'm very pleased to announce that we have a performance right off the bat from Santana and Quinn. Love the eagerness! Take it away, ladies."

Everyone claps warily in bewilderment as the two girls take their places at the front of the room. "So" Quinn begins in her velvety, cool, impassive voice. "Satan...pardon me, _Santana-" _The latino snickers bitterly. "And I created this mash-up based on who we are and what we want. It's been pretty tough since we quit the Cheerios, struggling with our identity and our position in this school, and we kind of feel like we lost."

"So this is our way of getting it back" Santana continues. "And it's our way of putting those who lost their way-" They both glower pointedly at her as she shifts uncomfortably. "Back where they belong. Okay...here we go."

The wave of music hits her and her eyes snap shut in disbelief and defeat, her stomach wrenching violently as it drops.

_"Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_I don't like your girlfriend!_

_No way! No way!_

_I think you need a new one_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_I could be your girlfriend_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_I know that you like me_

_No way! No way!_

_I know it's not a secret_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_I want to be your girlfriend..."_

It's incredibly predictable and unoriginal and she almost wants to laugh at how cliche it is. But it hits her hard, awakening her deeply-rooted insecurities.

Watching Quinn's smooth face that already radiates with triumph as she steps forward to sing her part, she feels it all slipping away.

_"You're so fine_

_I want you mine_

_You're so delicious_

_I think about you all the time_

_You're so addictive_

_Don't you know what I could do to make you feel alright..."_

Quinn sways her hips and sashays across the choir room, toward her and Finn, quirking her eyebrow suggestively at him. She feels her chest tightening, the burden weighing heavily on her. Averting her gaze, memories of seeing Quinn and Finn together flood her mind and the emotions she had felt bombard her once again.

This can't happen.

_"I know you like me _

_I know you do _

_That's why whenever I come around_

_She's all over you..."_

Santana sings that part, as she had suspected, directing it at Finn, Puck and Brittany and she chances a glance at Lauren and Brittany, both of the girls looking sour. Puck looks beyond annoyed and Artie looks puzzled but she can't bring herself to look at Finn yet.

_"She's like so whatever_

_You could do so much better_

_I think we should get together now_

_And that's what everyone's talking about..."_

_ Of course _she thinks in wry irritation at the lyrics sung by Quinn._ She sings about what everybody else is saying. Prom Queen this, Prom King that. Does it matter? _

She clenches her teeth as tears blur her vision. Why does this have to happen? Why can't Quinn just leave her alone?

_"Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?_

_I don't like your girlfriend!_

_No way! No way!_

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?_

_I think you need a new one_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_Don't cha?_

_I could be your girlfriend_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_Don't cha?_

_I know that you like me_

_No way! No way!_

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?_

_You know it's not a secret_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?_

_I want to be your girlfriend_

_Don't cha?_

_Don't cha?"_

Thankfully, none of the club is participating and she looks back at everyone to see them shocked or aggravated. Sanity still exists which makes it a little better.

She runs a hand through her hair, feeling coiled and livid. She hates that this is getting her again. Is enough ever enough? Will she ever get over these stupid, pesky insecurities?

_"I can see the way, I see the way you look at me_

_And even when you look away I know you think of me_

_I know you talk about me all the time again and again_

_ Let's keep it friendly _

_You have to play fair _

_See I don't care_

_But I know she ain't gonna wanna share_

_So come over here, tell me what I want to hear_

_Better yet make your girlfriend disappear_

_I don't want to hear you say her name ever again..."_

Finally, looking up at Finn, she sees him seething and annoyed, his perfect face contorted in bitterness. He meets her eye, the anger melting into concern as he sees her tears. She darts her head down hastily, unable to look at him without getting emotional again.

He can't resist their temptations for long...can he?

_"She's like so whatever_

_You could do so much better_

_I think we should get together now_

_And that's what everyone's talking about_

_"Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?_

_I don't like your girlfriend!_

_No way! No way!_

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?_

_I think you need a new one_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_Don't cha?_

_I could be your girlfriend_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_Don't cha?_

_I know that you like me_

_No way! No way!_

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?_

_You know it's not a secret_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?_

_I want to be your girlfriend_

_Don't cha?_

_Don't cha?..."_

She involuntarily looks back to their performance to see them dancing flirtatiously and temptingly to the beat, flipping their hair and swinging their hips in synchronization. She feels the end is coming. How can guys resist that? They're single, ex-Cheerios who are willing and wanting. The hot slash of pain tears across her heart again, branding her again and she's ready for it to all crumble down again. She _can't _get swallowed by that black hole again. But it's happening. And it's scaring her.

_"In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger_

_'cause I can, 'cause I can do it better_

_Don't Cha?_

_There's no other_

_So when's it gonna sink in?_

_Don't Cha?_

_She's so stupid_

_What the hell were you thinking?..."_

The both yank Finn's arms and drag him to his feet and she squeezes her eyes shut. This is it. It's the end. They dance around him and she can't see anything but their bodies grinding on his.

_It's over, Rachel _her mind hisses. _Give up._

Lifting her head sullenly, she looks at Finn's livid expression, trying to fight his way through it.

_No._

She can feel herself battle the black hole and the drowning, numbing feeling. She's not taking this. She's stronger than this. What she and Finn have is more than some stupid ex-Cheerio or pesky insecurity. Her heart pounds in her ears from the intensity of the internal war and her chest clenches.

And then it's gone.

She can breathe. Who cares about Quinn or Santana? Finn wants _her. _Rachel Berry. And she's not letting something stupid take that away from her. She deserves the entitlement.

_"Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?_

_I don't like your girlfriend!_

_No way! No way!_

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?_

_I think you need a new one_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_Don't cha?_

_I could be your girlfriend_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_Don't cha?_

_I know that you like me_

_No way! No way!_

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?_

_You know it's not a secret_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?_

_I want to be your girlfriend_

_Don't cha?_

_Don't cha?_

_Hey! Hey!"_

The song ends with both of the girls pressed tightly into him. The silence is deafening until Finn shoves his way out of their grasp, his expression cautious and worried as he gazes at her.

"Umm..." Mr. Schue says. "That was a great mash-up, girls but the context was...inappropriate."

"Whatever" Santana dismisses with a roll of the eyes.

"We were just sending a message" Quinn states simply. "_We_ run this school."

She gets slowly to her feet, her face blank as everyone anticipates her next move. "Rach" Finn whispers, reaching out for her. "I-"

Shaking her head lightly, she looks at his concerned, frightened face. "Don't worry" she murmurs assuringly. "I just have something I need to say."

He nods gently and she can tell he's afraid though he has no reason to be. Maybe this is how Finn feels when he sees her so self-conscious.

"You know" she begins lightly. "My whole life, I've felt inferior to people like you two. I've battled insecurity and unanswered questions as to why I was never good enough. I've lived my life with plenty of hardships. People like me have had to suffer through so much. Then there are people like you who have sailed through easily, pretending like everything was fine. But really, I feel a lot worse for you because you feel obligated to make me feel even worse about myself."

She turns to Santana. "I don't know you that well personally but you've taunted me mercilessly since kindergarten. For a long time, I wondered what was wrong with me to make you hate me so much but you don't hate me, Santana. You _envy_ me. I'm proud enough to be myself and speak my mind whereas you hide behind this mask of bitterness. You're just as insecure as I am, Santana. And I feel bad for you. I hate the fact that you took out all your anger on me but I finally understand you."

Her eyes shift to Quinn who remains blank, only a small crack in her facade. "Now you, Quinn" she says softly. "You've made my life a living hell. You've intimidated me, you've mortified me, you've manipulated me. You've made me feel ugly and stupid. You've taken things from me. Not only that but you've hurt so many people. If I wanted to right now, I could scream at you and hit you and mortify you in front of everyone. I could make you feel as small as you've made me feel. But I'm not going to. You know why? Because I'm _stronger_ than that."

She pauses, taking a deep breath. "So you two can keep hating me and keep looking for ways to destroy me but that's not going to change anything. You're still going to be miserable. You want security and popularity because you've never felt loved. Welcome to my world-"

"_Don't_ compare yourself to me, man hands" Santana barks.

"I'm not trying to make you angry-"

"Oh, shut up" Quinn snarls. "You're such an annoying bitch. This is why no one likes you! You think you know everyone but news flash: you're an ugly troll who better shut her mouth."

"Quinn-"

"_No_" the blond shouts at Mr. Schue. She backs up slowly as Quinn advances, her face contorted in rage. "You took Finn from me the first time. You're _not_ taking him from me again. This is _my_ school. This is _my_ world."

"Look, Quinn...I don't want any trouble-"

"_Shut up_" she screeches, stalking toward her.

"Leave her alone, Quinn" Finn growls, striding to her side protectively. "You and I both know that it's always been Rachel. It'll always be Rachel. I love her more than it's possible. Now leave her alone and _don't _speak to her that way."

"I didn't take Finn from you" she says gently. "Don't accuse me of that. It's not fair. And I'm not trying to mortify you or take anything from you-"

And then Quinn lunges at her.

* * *

_"And its absurd how people hang on every word_

_I'll probably never get the props I feel I ever deserve_

_But I'll never be served my spot is forever reserved_

_If I ever leave earth that would be the death of me first_

_'Cause in my heart of hearts I know nothing could ever be worse..._

_"I will not fall,_

_I will stand tall,_

_Feels like no one could beat me..."_

* * *

**AN#2: **Whoa! INTENSE! I felt that there needed to be a little retaliation, don't you think?

Song credits were: "Till I Collapse" by Eminem (totally awesome song) and the mash-up was Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend" and the Pussycat Dolls "Don't Cha".

THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE REVIEW AND LOVE TO ALL! I'll try to update ASAP!


	27. I'm Still Standing

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything but the plot.

**Author's Note: **HI THERE! Thank you all SO much for your feedback on my options for my next story...and I've decided that I'm probably gonna end up doing BOTH! Ha ha...I'm in love with both ideas! Which one do you think I should do first: fluff or angst? Let me know! Anyways...here's another chapter. Sorry I took so long...I had a bit of an episode. Long story short: I had to spend 5 hours in the hospital after I fainted and hit my head. Everything's fine though...just a little tired :) We're slowly coming to a conclusion here! It makes me sad...I LOVED writing this story. I'm guessing another 3-ish, maybe 4 chapters...? For now, ENJOY! Side note: I thought Born this Way was okay...we had a nice Finchel moment (I really wanted Finn to say more than "you're beautiful" but I'll take it)...but I can't STAND Fuinn. Urghhhh...just breathe. I saw some pretty promosing spoilers about Finchel heating up NYC with their love...hmmm...fingers crossed!

* * *

___"You could never know what it's like_

___Your blood like winter freezes just like ice_

___And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you_

___You'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use..."_

* * *

Quinn slaps her hard across the face and she doesn't have time to register her shock before Quinn is going for her again. Finn tries to shield her from Quinn but a thirst to smack the blond ignites in her veins and before she knows it, she's shoving the girl in return. She sees Santana crow something at Lauren and then there are two brawls in the midst. Mr. Schue is shouting for everyone to stop but no one listens, continuing their cat fights.

Finn dives between her and Quinn, Puck doing the same with Lauren and Santana, but Quinn still yanks a strand of her hair and screams something incoherent about her being a dwarf. She pushes Quinn forcefully off of her, sending a flailing slap to her face. The blond snarls, wiping blood from her lip before landing a punch to her nose and shoving her back. She falls to the ground, feeling a twinge of pain shoot through her nose but she ignores it, scrambling to her feet. Mr. Schue restrains Quinn and Finn stops her before the fight can continue. Puck, Sam and Mike manage to pull Santana and Lauren apart, both visibly undamaged.

"Let me go" Quinn shrieks at the teacher, attempting to fight off his bound arms. "It's time for me to _finally_ give RuPaul what she deserves!"

"You belong in a mental hospital" she feels herself bellow. "You've made my life a living hell for _years_ and if anybody is gonna get what they deserve, you're gonna get my_ fist_ in your _face_!"

"_Bring it_!"

They both try to squirm out of the grips put on them but are both unsuccessful. Santana is screeching something about killing Lauren and chaos is about to break loose again.

"Enough" Mr. Schue demands. Finn wraps his arms tightly around her waist from behind, kissing her hair and breathing an assurance. "We can't have this destroying our club! Quinn: enough with the personal attacks on Rachel."

"Do you _see_ my lip?" Quinn asks angrily. "Man Hands has the issue here-"

"_Stop_ calling me names" she yells. "I'm _sick_ of you always trying to put me down!"

"I'm just being honest" her nemesis states. "You're an ugly _troll_-"

"_Stop_" Mr. Schue barks. "Quinn, go down to the office. I've had enough of this. I'll see you there."

Quinn's jaw falls open. "B-b-but-"

"Now."

The blond laughs bitterly. "Fine" she concedes simply. "It was worth it to see the oompa-loompa with an even fatter nose."

She rumbles lowly, the only things keeping her from lunging at the girl is Finn's warm embrace and gentle kiss at the place where her neck and shoulder meet.

"Santana, why don't you join her?" Mr. Schue adds, looking pointedly at the latino.

"What?"

"Go on, you heard me" the teacher says. "You two have caused enough havoc and turmoil for one day. Off you go...I'll see you in Figgins' office."

Santana huffs in vexation, stomping out the door with Quinn in tow. There's a beat of silence before Mr. Schue turns back to her. "Are you alright, Rachel?"

"Yah" she sighs, her tense muscles relaxing. "Sorry about that everyone."

"It's not your fault" Mercedes says, her tone fighting amusement. "And Quinn had it coming to her."

Everyone mumbles in agreement and she leans into Finn, her nose feeling swollen and tender. He rests his chin on the top of her head and squeezes her tighter. "And you, Lauren?"

"Like _Santana_ could ever beat me up" Lauren snorts. "I feel better than before."

"That's my girl" Puck chuckles.

"Okay, guys" Mr. Schue says wearily. "I guess we're dismissed. I've got some things to deal with."

The group dissembles quickly as Mr. Schue strides from the room and she clamps her eyes shut, slowly turning around to face Finn, feeling the shame bubble up within her, replacing the livid thirst to hit Quinn. She _lost it_ in front of him. She let Quinn get the best of her. She's so _embarrassed_.

"I am _so_ sorry, Finn" she whispers, looking down at his chest. "I-I-I-I..."

"Why are you saying sorry, babe?" he asks in a coo. "That was _awesome_."

Her head snaps up, their eyes locking. "Huh?"

He smirks. "You told Quinn off...and you finally got the chance to dish it right back to her. I just didn't want her to hurt you...I was kinda having a heart attack but then I saw how you can totally throw a punch." He purses his lips sheepishly. "And you're totally hot when you're mad."

She grins, slapping his chest playfully. "You're not horrified with me?"

"No way" he says with a laugh. "My girl's a badass."

She giggles, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down for a hug. "I feel so tough."

"You sure are" he murmurs affectionately. "I love you, baby. And I'm proud of you for standing up. You're incredible."

She buries her face in his chest, smiling. "I love you, Finn..._thank you_."

He tilts her chin up and lays a gentle kiss on her lips, making her tingle. "C'mon, babe" he says, taking her hand and pulling her close. "Let's go get your nose checked out...you tough cookie."

She laughs again, leaning into him. He makes it better with ease. She adores him.

But she can't help but feel like whatever happened with Quinn isn't over. She's missing something...what else is there to say? It's unsettling and puzzling. She doesn't feel like she's going to lose Finn. She finally stood up for herself. What's missing?

Looking back over her shoulder, she sees Sam's distressed face, laced with weariness and shock, as though he couldn't be more disappointed in what had happened. But it almost feels like there's something else behind his visible upset. As if he's disappointed that it didn't go differently...

And then it hits her why this still lingers.

Sam hasn't gotten to use his voice.

And he hasn't gotten the chance to let go.

Squeezing Finn's hand a little tighter and gaining his attention, her mind begins to wander. "Finn, baby...I have an idea."

* * *

_"And did you think this fool could never win_

_Well look at me, I'm coming back again_

_I got a taste of love in a simple way_

_And if you need to know while I'm still standing you just fade away..."_

* * *

**AN#2: **Whoa...INTENSE! ha ha

Song credit was "I'm still standing" by Elton John..PURE GENIUS!

THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE REVIEW AND LOVE TO ALL!


	28. This Love

**Disclaimer: **Don't own GLEE, or the characters or the lyrics used. Wish I was that good :'-(

**Author's Note: **OMFG HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! It has been almost a year since I updated this story *cries*. I AM SO SORRY if you all felt like I abandoned you! Some of you might not even remember this story lol. I was going through some really rough stuff that was emotionally draining. Then I was INSANELY BUSY and exhausted ALL THE TIME. But I sat down today and read some of your reviews and I just KNEW I needed to do this. I am so happy to be able to do this again. You guys are all AMAZING and I have some great story ideas once I finish this story which should be in 1-2 chapters. I love you all for being SO patient with me xoxo. You are all marvellous and gave me the inspiration to continue. Your support throughout this makes me want to cry!

So PLEASE enjoy...I am SO grateful for all of you xoxo.

ps...don't you guys just LOVE the Finchel season 3...so f***ing amazing lol.

* * *

_"I tried my best to feed her appetite_

_Keep her coming every night_

_So hard to keep her satisfied_

_Kept playing love like it was just a game_

_Pretending to feel the same_

_Then turn around and leave again..."_

* * *

She giggles into his broad shoulder as he leads her into the choir room, fingers entwined with hers. He grins, kissing the top of her head before sitting in his seat beside hers, arm around her shoulders. She feels light and giddy and _lucky_.

After Finn had taken her to the doctor and she was told her nose was broken -_again_, she had called Sam and had a long "conference call" with him and Finn about how he was feeling. He had admitted how much he was hurting over the fact that instead of being happy for her and Finn, Quinn had her incessant need to get control. He felt abandoned. Finn had made it up to her and they were in bliss while Sam was left without an apology.

She had asked him if he still wanted to be with Quinn, to which he replied with "I...I don't really know." He loved Quinn when she didn't have her eye set on anything. But when she did, he was carelessly shoved aside. "I just want it to stop hurting" he had murmured honestly, vulnerability seeping into his words.

Once Sam hung up, she had started to pace and rant about what she should do. She wanted to do an extravagant performance for Sam to express his feelings, but couldn't pick a song. When she had suggested several Broadway classics, her boyfriend had sent her a lop-sided smile and replied with "I dunno how manly Sam will feel doing that."

Finn had finally coaxed her to relax, as she had a pounding headache, and seated her on his lap. "I just want to help" she had admitted.

"I know, baby" he replied, tightening his arms around her. She leaned back willingly to his embrace. "And we'll figure it out." After a pause, him pressing a kiss to the crook of her shoulder, he had jumped a bit. "I got it! You said you wanted to do a song with Sam...well, I think I have it."

Finn wakes her from her thoughts, kissing her bandaged nose gently, before nuzzling her face. "You ready, gorgeous?"

She nods excitedly, snuggling into his chest for a moment. "Very ready" she affirms.

"You're gonna be amazing" he whispers. She looks up at his darling face and smiles wider. "You always are."

She reaches up and kisses him tenderly, cradling her jaw in her hand, getting lost in the feeling. "I love you" she says against his lips, the sudden emotion behind her words momentarily overwhelming her. "I love you_ so_ much. Thank you, Finn, for_ everything._"

He beams, telling her he loves her more, and kissing her again, making her stomach do endless somersaults.

"Please stop swapping spit" Artie deadpans as he wheels in, an amused Mercedes, Tina and Mike in tow. "It's getting sickening, y'all."

She giggles at Finn's groan of annoyance and muttered obscenities as the rest of New Directions shuffles in. Her fingers tighten in Finn's when Quinn saunters in, a swollen lip poorly covered with cover-up. The blond sends her a heavy glare and snicker, and then seats herself across the room. Santana does the same, flipping her ponytail. It still shocks her that they weren't suspended. Figgins had given in too easily to their nagging parents and the girls who sweet-talked their way into a mere two detentions.

The wonderful boy next to her presses his lips to her temple, breathing words of solace and she smiles gratefully up at him, forgetting her troubles with ease.

Sam is the last to enter, trailing behind an exuberant Mr. Schue, who claps and chafes his hands together in anticipation, calling the group into order. Her friend looks nervous and distressed, rubbing his palms on his jeans. Catching his eye, she gives him a concerned, questioning look to which he nods determinedly in return. He bumps fists with Finn as he sits beside them, taking a deep breath.

"Alright, guys" Mr. Schue announces, gaining her attention. "Let's get it started. I'm _very_ pleased to say that our very own Sam Evans would like to start us out today." After a beat, he laughs awkwardly. "Hopefully starting us a bit better than last time." There's an uncomfortable quiet as Puck guffaws and others chuckle anxiously. She can feel Quinn's glare. "So Sam, whenever you're ready."

The group claps as Finn kisses her cheek before walking over to his place by the drums. Sam and her walk to the front, and she pats his back as he grabs his guitar, visibly shaky. "So" he begins, clearing his throat to hide the wavering. "Umm...Rachel, Finn and I prepared a little something to...kinda...talk about the stuff we've been going through."

He looks at her worriedly and she bobs her head to assure him he's doing well. "I've been having a really hard time figuring out how to, like, cope with everything. I got my heart broken really badly and I don't know where I stand with that." She watches him look to Quinn, who's head is down. "I didn't know how I felt about it until I saw Rachel and Finn reunite. Now, I'm trying to find my way. Figure out what _I_ want." Quinn lifts her head at those words, eyes wide. She glances at Finn lovingly, returning his smile. "So here it goes."

The music starts and Sam focuses hard on his guitar, swaying lightly, before he steps forward and sings.

_"I never knew_

_I never knew that everything was falling through_

_That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue_

_To turn and run when all I needed was the truth_

_But that's how it's got to be..."_

She chimes in with the next verse, sending Sam a comforting smile.

_"It's coming down to nothing more than apathy_

_I'd rather run the other way than stay and see_

_The smoke and who's still standing when it clears..."_

Finn, Sam and her voice all harmonize beautifully for the chorus, and she slowly sees Sam relax and get into the performance, emotion radiating through each word.

_"Everyone knows I'm in_

_Over my head_

_Over my head_

_With eight seconds left in overtime_

_She's on your mind_

_She's on your mind..."_

Finn takes over the next verse and she watches him with nothing but adoration. He sounds amazing as usual, and she tries to desperately focus on the song instead of how great he looks when he drums and sings or really when he does _anything_. He sends her a crooked grin and she blushes deeply, feeling fuzzy at the sound of his voice.

_"Let's rearrange_

_I wish you were a stranger I could disengage_

_Just say that we agree and then never change_

_Soften a bit until we all just get along..."_

Sam comes in again, passionate and strong, walking forward and singing to Quinn who looks almost ashamed. He can't, for the life of her, read that girl. But she seems to be listening, because her eyes hold an emotion that comes across as remorseful.

_"But that's disregard_

_Find another friend and you discard_

_As you lose the argument in a cable car_

_Hanging above as the canyon comes between..."_

Their voices blend again for the chorus, sounding wonderful and smooth. She's never felt so proud of Sam. He's making progress right in front of her. He's doing what's best for _him_. He's _healing_. He may not think he's that strong, but he's been so brave through all of this. And now, he's hitting the clear.

_"Everyone knows I'm in_

_Over my head_

_Over my head_

_With eight seconds left in overtime_

_She's on your mind_

_She's on your mind..._

_"Everyone knows I'm in_

_Over my head_

_Over my head_

_With eight seconds left in_

_overtime_

_She's on your mind_

_She's on your..." _

Sam's voice gets more raw, and he locks eyes with Quinn. She fidgets under his stare but looks back nonetheless. She watches the wordless conversation unfold between them, speaking so much more than words ever could. She doesn't know the details of their relationship, but she does know he really loved her. She's not sure if they will reunite or if Sam could ever trust her again, but it's extremely apparent there's unresolved feelings still there.

Whatever he decides, she'll stand behind him. _They'll_ stand behind him.

_"And suddenly I become a part of your past_

_I'm becoming the part that don't last_

_I'm losing you and its effortless..."_

Finn and her sing the next part, the most beautiful melody. Singing with him is magic, bliss and ignites every passion and love for him. Every time his voice melds with hers, her heart swells and every nerve in her body is live and on fire. It's so _right_.

When she was just an ambitious sophomore with big dreams and a bigger ego, and he was a lost, weak but extremely popular quarterback, they saw each other for what they really were when they sang together.

He brought out a vulnerable, caring girl who could be selfless and love wholeheartedly. She brought out a strong, determined leader, capable of great things and a deep love that couldn't be tampered.

_"Without a sound we lose sight of the ground_

_In the throw around_

_Never thought that you wanted to bring it down_

_I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves..."_

They finish the song together, and she's unable to tear her eyes away from Finn who sings to and with her, his voice the sweetest sound she will ever hear. She resists the urge to jump his bones right then and there, bury her fingers in his hair and kiss him until her lungs burn.

She'll have time for that later...right _after_ the performance.

_"And everyone knows I'm in_

_Over my head_

_Over my head_

_With eight seconds left in overtime_

_She's on your mind_

_She's on your mind..._

_"Everyone knows_

_She's on your mind_

_Everyone knows I'm in over my head_

_I'm in over my head_

_I'm over my..._

_"Everyone knows I'm in_

_Over my head_

_Over my head_

_With eight seconds left in overtime_

_She's on your mind_

_She's on your mind."_

The song ends and the room bursts into applause, Mr. Schue getting up and thumping Sam on the back, congratulating for an incredible performance. She thanks Mr. Schue quickly when he tells her she was amazing and then hugs a dazed Sam tightly, informing him that he was fabulous before spinning on her heel.

Finn must've had the same idea she did (they always_ have _been on the same page) and she almost collides into his chest but he's quick to scoop her up around the waist and press his lips to hers, and she winds her arms around his neck without hesitation. The fire that ignited within here mere minutes ago is now sweltering and addictive, spreading through her bones. She doesn't ever want to let go of this perfect man.

Throat clearings and cat calls divert her attention as she pulls away, flushed and panting, smiling sheepishly when the club wolf-whistles. Finn's chest rumbles with a laugh as he sets her on her feet, kissing her forehead as he keeps his arm around her waist and congratulates Sam with a high five.

"Couldn't control yourselves, eh?" Sam murmurs with a wink and she giggles, burying her face in Finn's shoulder. "Thanks, you guys. That was awesome."

"How do you feel?" she asks, touching his forearm.

Her friend ponders her question for a moment, before a smile stretches across his face. "A lot better" he confesses, much to her delight. "You were right."

"She always is" Finn concedes, pecking her cheek as she laughs, walking back to their seat.

Mr. Schue starts to talk about Regionals and she snuggles into Finn's embrace. Looking over her shoulder, she sees Quinn watching Sam steadily as if she's praying for this rehearsal to end so she can either bolt or catch Sam and have a talk.

She can't wait for this rehearsal to end as well, not only to see what will transpire between Sam and Quinn, but also so she can get Finn alone in her room and _show _him how much she loves him, his singing and his drumming.

* * *

_"I'll fix these broken things_

_Repair your broken wings_

_And make sure everything's alright_

_My pressure on your hips_

_Sinking my fingertips_

_Into every inch of you_

'_Cause I know that's what you want me to do..."_

* * *

**AN#2: **You guys have NO idea how good it feels doing this again! Song credits go to "This Love" by Maroon 5 (LOVE THIS SONG) and "Over My Head (Cable Car)" by the Fray for the performance (AMAZING AMAZING SONG...LISTEN TO IT NOW). Haha PLEASE review! I miss you all!

I'll update soon! I promise this time...I think anyway lol...reviews will encourage me to continue faster!

LOVE TO ALL! XOXO


	29. Had Better Last

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything but my ideas!

__**Author's Note: **SECOND UPDATE IN 1 NIGHT! Amazing, eh? Haha just really loved working on this story again so I wrote another chapter. I really hope you enjoy this! Would LOVE to hear from you guys again! I REALLY MISS ALL OF YOU! haha. This is the last chapter before the epilogue!

For now, ENJOY!

* * *

_"But when you hold me like you do_

_It feels so right_

_I start to forget_

_How my heart gets torn_

_When that hurt gets thrown_

_Feeling like you can't go on..."_

* * *

Mr. Schue finally dismisses them and she giggles when Finn presses kisses along her neck, not bothering to reprimand him for the public display. The club begins to file out, calling out goodbyes and "good job guys". She waves, slinging her boyfriend's arm around her shoulders as they rise.

Sam releases a sigh from beside her, tugging a hand through his hair. "Well, that felt a lot better than I expected it to" he says with a smile. It's the happiest she's seen him in what feels like a long time.

"You did awesome, man" Finn tells him. "What do you think you're gonna do about Quinn?"

"I'm not sure" Sam responds, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "She left pretty quick. I'm just gonna think about what _I _wanna do for once, y'know?"

"That's great" she pipes in with a firm nod. "You don't have to do or be anything you don't want to be. You're finally healing, Sam. It's just going to go up from here." She looks up at Finn's beaming face, her heart fluttering. "It did for me."

Sam grins, opening his mouth to remark but is interrupted by a sheepish throat clearing. They all turn to the source of the noise, surprised to see Quinn standing by the door, twisting her fingers together anxiously. The image causes memories of the pregnant Quinn to pop up. When she was vulnerable.

"Umm...hi" she murmurs, her velvety voice unsure. "Sorry to interrupt. I-I-I was just wondering if I could talk to Sam for a minute...?"

She naturally tenses at the mere presence of the blond, only relaxing when Finn kisses the top of her head. Sam stiffens slightly, watching Quinn's face steadily for a moment before nodding. "Sure" he replies softly. He looks to Finn and her, giving them a reassuring bob of the head. "We can talk in here."

She and Finn stand for a long moment before he begins to tug her hand, leading her to the door. "We'll get out of your hair" he says with an awkward laugh. When she passes Quinn, the girl gives her a sad smile and she almost hisses at her. Despite Sam's uncertainty, she cannot and will not trust her.

Closing the door behind them, Finn immediately wraps his arms around her and hoists her up, pressing her back into the wall behind her. "Hi" she whispers against his lips, breathing a laugh.

"Hi" he grunts in response, kissing her hard. "You were so good in there, baby..._amazing."_

She feels heat rise up in her cheeks as she threads her fingers through his hair. "You were fantastic, too, Finn" she says breathlessly, whimpering when he kisses her jaw. "I love when you drum...it does things to me."

He leers against her pulse point, driving her crazy. "I know." He moans lightly when she slides her foot against his calf. "It took all the strength in me not to sweep you off your feet and out the door."

"Me too." She pulls his face up to kiss her again, tongue sweeping his lip. She will never tire of the feeling of kissing Finn. She feels like she's on fire in the most incredible way. But she sees the future, too: the bright lights of NYC outside their apartment. Coming home every day, knowing he'll be there with her.

New York is her dream. But Finn became a part of that. Being with him is her dream, too.

"I really liked your performance, Sam...you sounded amazing."

She freezes under Finn's hungry kiss, turning her face towards the door of the choir room. "Did you hear that?" he pants, gnawing on her lip to contain her mewls.

Finn continues to kiss her neck, tongue tracing a pattern on her skin. "I dunno what you're talking about" he answers. "Can we _please _go back to my place now? I've been dying to do stuff to you _all day _that I can't do in the school hallway...even if it _is_ empty."

She slips to her feet, furrowing her brow in concentration as she strains her hearing, hoping to catch another tidbit of the conversation transpiring in the room next to her.

"Baby-"

She presses a finger to Finn's lips, winding her arm around his waist and stroking his back. "I just heard Quinn talking..." She gaps excitedly. "Ooh! I can _hear _their conversation! I want to know what's going to happen!"

"But _Rach" _he whines against her finger, taking her hand and kissing her palm. "I wanna spend some alone time with my girl..."

"And you will" she promises, reaching up to kiss him. He responds willingly, frowning when she pulls back. "I just want to hear what's going on with them." She sends him a shy smile, walking her fingers up his chest and giggling when he moans. "But I promise once we're done, we'll go straight to your place...and you can do _whatever _you want to me." Ghosting her lips across his throat, and grinning when his Adam's apple bobs, she glides her hand across his abs. "It'll be well worth the wait."

"Okay" he mumbles, kissing her face adoringly. "You're lucky I love you so much."

She laughs again, tucking her hands under the fabric of his t-shirt, caressing the skin of his lower back as she leans against the wall, listening in again. Her focus blurs for a moment when Finn pulls her tighter against him, fingers toying idly with her hair as he kisses her nose. It's his turn to chuckle when he sees her lick her lips. "Sorry I'm distracting you, babe."

She shoves him lightly with a smile before snuggling him close and dialling in to the conversation beyond the wall.

"What did you want to talk about?" Sam asks, his voice muffled, but she can still hear the weariness.

"I...I wanted to apologize" Quinn admits. "What I did to you...it was awful. You didn't do anything wrong. I was just...I just..."

"You what?" he challenges, and she startled at the forcefulness of his tone. "You wanted to _live dangerously_? You wanted to make me feel like an idiot for ever trusting you? Or loving you? Hmm?"

"No" the blond exclaims desperately. "It wasn't like that!"

"Then what was it? Was I not good enough for you or something? Too easy of a target? Once you got me under your spell, you got bored and decided to try something new?"

"Sam, it wasn't like that" she repeats, layered in tears. "Well...not entirely. You loved me and wanted to be with me and appreciated me. But, I felt like I was missing something. I don't know what it was. And then Finn wanted to be with me and he was pursuing me and..." She sighs, searching for the words. "I felt like there were some unresolved feelings there. And being with Finn was exciting. I-I-I...I don't know. He was trying so hard and it reminded me of how I felt about him-"

"That's bullshit, Quinn" Sam cuts across angrily. "That's complete bullshit, and you know it!"

She feels Finn kiss her temple, whispering a genuine apology to which she responds by kissing him and telling him that it was in the past and she adores him.

"W-what? Sam, I-"

"You were pissed that Finn was the _only _guy in the whole school that didn't want a piece of you anymore" Sam growls. "He was happy with Rachel and when he found out she kissed Puck-"

She's the one to breathe another apology this time, and Finn sends her a crooked smile, pecking her lips and telling her that he loves her and forgave her a _long _time ago.

"-He was messed up and lost. You can't stand here and tell me that Finn was himself when he was pursuing you. Can you?"

There's a silence and she knows Quinn is fidgeting. "No...he wasn't the same Finn."

"And that's what you liked" Sam says with a scoff. "You liked that he was wanting you again and he was popular and that you could climb back onto the top of the social pyramid with him. I just wasn't a big enough stepping stone for you."

"That's not true! I loved you-"

"Save it. You liked the idea of being with Finn because deep down, you knew he was vulnerable and you could push him around. There wouldn't be any _real_ feelings there. He wouldn't challenge you. You wouldn't have to think about someone else for a change. And then, you would use him for Prom Queen and try to live out a high school fantasy."

"You're right" Quinn murmurs. "I knew he still loved Rachel and I couldn't do anything about that. But I knew that being with him was easy. We would be popular and not have any attachments. I could control him. I was losing control with you."

"Do you have any idea how _horrible _you made me feel?" he questions, choking on the words. "I felt like I wasn't good enough for you and I spent so much time trying to figure out what I did wrong."

"You didn't do anything wrong-"

"I felt stupid and used and totally betrayed. I blamed Finn at first but then I realized that he was upset and lost and you let him pursue you. _You _chose to cheat on me. I was so hurt for _so _long and I didn't know what to do. Rachel understood what I was going through. And when I saw that Finn did everything he could to make it up to her, I started wondering when you would do the same." He takes a shaky breath, his tone wounded. "But you never did. And it made things _so_ much worse."

"I'm _sorry_-"

"Instead of apologizing for what you did" he continues, ignoring her pleas. "You attacked Rachel and Finn's relationship. You couldn't just let them be happy. You had to try to mess everything up for _everyone. _I knew you liked to be in control and got crazy when things weren't going your way, but I never knew you could be so _selfish. _You didn't think about how _anybody _else would feel."

"I wanted control" she agrees quietly. "I wanted Finn to want me and I wanted Rachel to _hurt. _She got the life I had wanted for _so _long: the gorgeous, popular boyfriend with a heart of gold and all the talent in the world. Every opportunity at her finger tips."

"You didn't care about the 'heart of gold' part" Sam says bitterly. "You cared about the popularity...as long as he was someone you could push around."

She hears Quinn sniffle, knowing the girl is crying harder. "Ever since Rachel came into the picture, I lost everything I wanted. Once Finn met her, he was completely taken by her. She was ambitious and strong and didn't crumble, even when I tried to push her to that point. Finn cared about the baby and about me, but he would light up when she was around and he would talk about her _all the time_ and call her his best friend and I was losing my control over him...over my life..."

She kisses Finn gently, cooing her love for him again and he rubs her back and kisses her forehead, making her feel warm.

"Rachel didn't deserve any of the crap you did to her" Sam grumbles. "It was really low...even for you."

"I know" the girl admits. After a pause, her voice lowers. "So where do we stand? You and me? I want to make it up to you, Sam...I really do."

There's a silence and she holds her breath, heart pounding. "After I saw Rachel and Finn reunite," Sam says, his voice oddly detached. "I was hoping that could be us, too. They're so _happy _and _in love _and I wanted that _so badly._" He exhales loudly. "But I don't know if you and I can get back together. You did a lot of crap that really messed me up. I don't need you running again when you think there's something better out there for you. And now, I finally feel like _I _have control over my life. I need to figure out what _I _want. And I don't know if that includes you."

She smiles softly, pride swelling in her heart. Sam has finally used his voice. He's doing what he knows is right for him. Finn tightens his arms around her, smiling. "He did it" he breathes in her ear.

"I know" she replies, nuzzling his face. "And I'm so proud."

"I'm sorry, Quinn" he says with finality. "I hope you find what you're looking for. Maybe we'll find our way back. But you have a lot of making up to do...and not just with me. I'll see you around."

With that, their conversation ends and she looks at Finn in panic before planting her lips on his, resuming their make out session in hopes Sam won't be able to tell they had been eavesdropping.

"Real subtle, guys" their friend says with a snicker as they break apart, bursting into laughter. Sam gestures for them to walk with him and Finn winds his arm around her frame and kisses her hair as they fall into step with him.

"How do you feel?" she asks gently.

Sam heaves a sigh, yanking a hand through his tousled hair. "Like I'm finally starting to move on. I'm gonna find what I'm looking for. Nothing's certain."

"That's awesome, man" Finn says, winding his free arm around the boy's shoulders. "You did great in there...not that we were listening or anything."

Sam guffaws along with them. "You guys are awesome" he says genuinely, allowing the levity to pass. "I'm really glad you guys are great and that you've been here for me."

"We'll _always _be here for you" she tells him. "As long as you'll tolerate us."

They all laugh again, walking out into the parking lot. The sun is shining and she thinks the metaphor speaks volumes of what's to come. "I'll let you guys get back to swapping spit" Sam says, opening his car door. "And I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"Bless you, Sam" Finn shouts exuberantly, practically carrying her toward his truck. "Later, bro!"

She giggles, feeling like everything is falling into place.

* * *

_"Before I open up my arms and fall_

_Losing all control_

_Every dream inside my soul_

_And when you kiss me_

_On that midnight street_

_Sweep me off my feet_

_Singing ain't this life so sweet_

_This year's love had better last_

_This year's love had better last..."_

* * *

__**AN#2: **Awww Sam and Finchel are feeling good! lol Song credit is "This Year's Love" by David Gray. Amazing song!

I hope you all loved this chapter as much as I loved writing it!

Would love to hear from you all again! PLEASE REVIEW I MISS YOU!

LOVE TO ALL! GOODNIGHT!


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